A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I cant help but feel like I've dug myself into a bit of a hole over the years. For a while now, I've been wanting to make some positive changes in my life to get myself out of it, but I just don't seem to get anywhere. I find myself drift in and out of the motivating, positive mindset that is needed to make these changes and I'm beginning to get a little sick of it - I want to make lasting changes! Thoughts just keep on running through my head, knowing that I need to do this for my own benefit; it is pretty much all I think about. I am still young, but you're only young once and i feel that if these changes dont start happening, I will let the good things one experiences in their youth pass me by. Here are a few points that have been a part of my thought process:1) I am a sporty person, and, as is the case with a lot of people, I see being fit and striving to have the best body I can as being an important part of being confident within myself and with others. Sport and exercise also play a big part in keeping me sane in difficult times. 2) I have never really kissed a girl. At this point, this is not the most important thing to me; building confidence and feeling comfortable with myself is before this happens, but I would like it to happen, and when it does, I will feel more confident about myself.3) I am nice guy, lots of people that I have had something to do with over the course of my life have told me that (along with many other things) on many occasions. I get along with a wide range of people as a result. But I feel like that is really all people think of me as (for the most part). I have never really given myself the opportunity to stand up and be counted, in order to become the person I deserve to be.I have always just fallen back into my shell/comfort zone and never really gone about really doing something about it. As a result, I havent had much luck with girls.4) My social life is not where I would like it to be. I look at my relationships with my friends and think that they could improve - I dont catch up with them very often and tell myself that Im not a very good friend as a result. But when I am around them, I feel like I need to surround myself with different, seemingly more confident people to bring me out of my comfort zone, but again, I just cant seem to bring myself to do it. Its like I feel comfortable being around these people, but im not really doing my confidence any favours by hanging around with them. I need to cast a wider net so to speak.Any and as many insights/tips etc as possible would be much appreciated, from both guys and girls. Cheers guys.
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male
reader, burberrypie  +, writes (10 November 2013):
Sounds like there are other things at play here.. social anxiety for one.
Not saying you do, but quit any porn use... I had an issue with this at your age and it near crippled me.
Cut it out completely, it will then be your default behaviour to go out and meet people, they will also want to meet you.
Your confidence will grow massively.
You are the best person in the world.. people need to meet you and it would be a great injustice if they did not. Quit being selfish and get out there, put yourself out of your comfort zone where ever possible then you will start to shine.
^^ The hard line above is intended to be motivational and not derogatory in any way :)
Best of luck mate
A
male
reader, burberrypie +, writes (10 November 2013):
Sounds like there are other things at play here.. social anxiety for one.Not saying you do, but quit any porn use... I had an issue with this at your age and it near crippled me.Cut it out completely, it will then be your default behaviour to go out and meet people, they will also want to meet you.Your confidence will grow massively.You are the best person in the world.. people need to meet you and it would be a great injustice if they did not. Quit being selfish and get out there, put yourself out of your comfort zone where ever possible then you will start to shine.^^ The hard line above is intended to be motivational and not derogatory in any way :)Best of luck mate
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 Well it's all good that you WANT all these things for yourself, but you need to realize that only ONE person can make them happen (or TRY to make them happen) and that is YOU.
Don't start out thinking you can do them all on one afternoon or one week, some of those are more like lifetime goals.
Start with the gym - get fit it will increase your confidence and your chance at meeting new people.
And maybe join a class/group to pursue a hobby, met new people and do something a little out of your comfort zone.
Stop beating yourself up, just start small and move down the list.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 You have described areas you think about, but you haven't told us what you actually want to do. And it's YOUR job to figure out what you want to do.
Next step is think about what you can do to change things. Im thinking you haven't actually thought about that. It sounds like you've been sitting around wanting a change.. just wanting and wanting. It's not going to happen unless you actually do it. So, what have you done?
If you want to meet up with friends more often all it takes is for you to call one of them. Just once is enough to have started the change. Call one of them, invite them over, and open up and share something new. That'll be a change. It doesn't have to be big, it's a change never the less.
You want to make lasting changes.. That's an illusion. You don't do something once and POOF there's a lasting change. If you say you want to do A you need to continue to do A every day. That's when you have a lasting change. It's not doing A once and then it's stuck there forever. It needs to be done every day (at least on a mental level). Eventually it will become a habit, and you will find yourself doing A more often without having to force yourself into it.
I'm curious about this "confidence" of yours though. You bring it up so much, it must be really important to you. But I don't see why? Can you explain this? Why are you so focused on confidence? And why do you think you can get confidence from OTHERS? Confidence comes from yourself, not the people you surround yourself with.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 I think you're overthinking things and are a bit too hard on yourself. It almost seems like you're striving to become the perfect person before you start living. The best way to overcome your fears is to face it head on. So for example, if you're nervous about dating and relationships, challenge yourself to start asking girls out on dates. If you want to challenge yourself physically, enter a contest like a marathon or triathalon. If you want to be more social, host a party or BBQ at your place. If you want to experience things outside of your comfort zone, then go travelling. When I was young the thing to do was to go backpacking across Europe.
Trial and error, taking risks, experiencing failures and then getting up and trying again. Do not be afraid to fail. You will learn the most from your failures. If a girl turns you down, ask another girl out. Do not be afraid to take risks. The best life experiences I ever had were born out of risk-taking.
So my advice? Stop thinking about it and just do it.
And another thing...being old is a state of mind. I'm in my 40s and I'm more active and enjoying life more now than when I was in my 20s.
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