A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I decided to take this year off due to complete exhaustion and stress. I've been in school for several years now, and I needed a break. I haven't told any of my friends yet, because in my past experience they have asked nosy questions.I did tell one friend, who immediately wanted to know why I was "dropping out" asking my why I dont have a job in the mean time, making jabs about how I was "doing nothing", and "it must be nice".I'd like to know how to answer questions like this - I do work, I just quit my job because I moved. I'm just tired of people asking what Im doing with my school, career, free time etc. It feels like I have to prove why I should be able to take time off. How do I tell the rest of my friends?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 Just look at them and when they ask you smile a "mona lisa smile" and say "to quote Don Henley 'I was much too busy being fabulous"
you owe NO nosy friends an EXPLANATION if you don't want to give it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): This is a hard one. Our society constantly tells us that we're nothing unless we're 'doing,' or 'producing.' Human machines, as it were. I recently had to face this one again...I got fired from my job due to the manager simply disliking me (I'm feisty, Southern, atheist, and honestly too pretty. I wish I were kidding, but this is really why). The reason she cited was that she "makes me unhappy" when she full-voice screams over nothing and she doesn't want to be responsible for that. So, for two weeks, I was a nonproducing unit in my family. Since my fiance isn't wealthy, I had to put rent, car payment, food, etc. on a credit card and max it out. Life sucks sometimes. But I wasn't Doing Anything (aside from deep cleaning the house and applying to 20 jobs a day), and the Western world thinks that is just the worst thing ever. You're going to be facing it even more if you're taking a break for a year. I didn't tell anyone about this situation unless it was a million percent necessary...I didn't want to open myself and my carefully crafted positive energy to their inevitable judgment. Even my dad, who is my best friend but who worships the institution of Work, didn't know. I got back in touch with him after I got a new, much better job, and told him the good news, but never revealed the bad. That is what I recommend you do. Most people don't need to know. The friends that you feel wouldn't understand, or that you simply don't want to talk to about it, *don't talk to about it.* This is NO ONE'S choice but yours, and they can all bite you if they wanna judge. Or if they wanna say, "Ohhh, that's nice," but there's a false ring to their voice and a glint of steel in their eye. That's probably what you'll be facing the most. As far as you, my dear, I recommend highly that you manage your days well and take up a couple hobbies. Maybe hike every hiking trail available in your area. Paint. Sing. Something that will make you feel that you're growing yourself, despite the hiatus. Not that you are any less of a person if you decide to watch all 30-something seasons of Doctor Who on repeat, but it will help your psyche immensely if there's some sense of "progress," whatever that means to you. Then you'll be refreshed after your hiatus, instead of bored out of your f*cking mind. If someone persists in pestering you about what you do all day, I would be as blunt as saying, "It's really none of your business. I do what makes me happy." And then go do that! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): You don't have to justify anything to anyone.
If you need time off, take it.
Your friends shouldn't judge or make jabs at you, in any situation. If they do, bite back.. it has nothing to do with them.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (24 October 2013):
 The "doing nothing" and "must be nice" comments could be because they are wondering how you are going to survive financially for a year, and yes, while your finances are nobody else's business if you have been at school for years it is unlikely you have enough savings to live for a year.
The unspoken questions could be to do with living off your parents for 12 months which on the surface is not an adult thing to do, or claiming Newstart which is intended to support you while you seek employment which would be fraud.
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female
reader, jellybeans +, writes (24 October 2013):
Call it a gap year, which is very common. Tell them you are going to travel or do fun things before you devote all your time to the corporate.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (24 October 2013):
 You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to explain yourself, as it is your life and your decisions.
You're not dropping out. Many students take breaks from school or take years off before going back. I graduated from college in 2006 and am just now going back to get my masters. There's nothing to be ashamed of or anything to hide. you will get a job and support yourself, so it's not like you're being a bum or anything.
Just explain to your friends exactly what you said on here; that you're burned out and need a bit of a break. That you will go back when the time feels right and your head is in the right place.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 October 2013):
 First of all, I salute you for knowing your limits. I had felt like taking time off as well when I was in college and pulling down a full-time job at the same time.
You don't need to answer at all! "Personal reasons" will keep out most but your closest friends and family. For them, the answer "I need to" with an exhausted look fixes that. As for your work, say you're on a leave of absence. You moved, and you're taking a bit of a breather before getting a new job. If you're able to, more power to you!
I have to say this though - get a full physical examination and screen for everything. Sometimes, exhaustion is just exhaustion, and sometimes it's a warning of something more. I am used to working very long hours, but I noticed I was starting to get tired some years back and figured I needed to push my workouts and evaluate what I was eating because maybe it was fatigue. Then I attributed it to getting older and maybe not taking the breakneck pace of running a business and family. I didn't have time to go to a doctor! Anyways, it took my husband bringing home contagious bronchitis for me to finally go see a doctor to get medicine, and next thing you know, I find out my kidneys were almost completely failed due to a genetic disease I had no knowledge of! The only symptom was getting exhausted and fatigued, which I found out later was anemia.
I feel *great* now, but I'm telling you - exhaustion may not be exhaustion. It could be medical, or even mental as well if you experienced a life setback like a breakup, or death in the family, or whatever.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 If they are friends then you could try being honest with them, people can be more understanding than you think and it often helps to talk
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 October 2013):
 You have to be a bit brutal with them, I'm afraid. Many find it rude to tell people to mind their own business, but it's not actually rude at all. It's the nosy people who are rude. You need to put your friends, and everyone else, in their place, so to speak. Every time someone asks you personal questions you don't feel comfortable answering, tell them "It's personal."
End of the story. Just be consistent. If they keep bugging you after this then that shows they aren't true friends, they just want gossip and to feel good about themselves (so they put you down making you having to defend yourself for doing something that is your right to do).
So, repeat after me: It's personal.
Other options: For private reasons I do not feel comfortable discussing.
Or: I appreciate your concern, but I have my financial situation under control and I am doing this for personal reasons which I do not wish to discuss.
You can play around with the words, but don't give away details and stick to the core of it: It's personal. If people get offended you wont tell them, again, this just shows how good of a friend they really are. I recommend keeping close to only a selected few, and cut the contact with those who want to snoop and attack you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 October 2013):
 You hardly should feel the need to "explain yourself" to ANYBODY!!!! (.... EXCEPT your wife,... when she catches you with your girlfriend.....!!!).
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (24 October 2013):
 I don't think it is anyone else's business but yours and you don't have to explain anything, at all. If you do want to say anything then stick to the truth - they'll understand!
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