A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If I've cheated on my girlfriend with the same girl, 4 times now. Does this mean I don't love her? Im so confused. Ive been with my girlfriend for 8 months. Yet met a girl in May, became really good friends really quick. There was chemistry between us after a My girlfriend was on a 6 week charity trip between July and Aug. weeks but we were both taken so nothing happened. Around this time, the girl broke up with her boyfriend, she was really upset and ended up going over one night. I ended up sleeping with her. I need to be honest and say the whole night and next day was amazing. I'd never connected like that with someone before. I knew what I did was wrong but craved to be with her more and more. I ended up sleeping with her again a few days later. After that I tried distancing myself. Yet another couple of weeks later it happened again. Anyway my girlfriend came back I realised what I'd done and I cut all contact with the girl. She doesn't live near me and we don't have any mutual friends so I thought it would be easy. This was approx 6 weeks ago. In that time she has sent me one drunken text saying how she fell for me etc. I didn't respond at the time but sent a text 5 days later just checking she was ok.I do think about her and miss speaking with her but knew I was doing the right thing. However I saw her last night and slept with her again! I don't know what it is about her. Or what this means?I've spoken with the girl and agreed it will never happen again. Neither of us want it. And will both make a conscious effort not to see each other/talk to each other.Ive never cheated in my life. This isn't me.Do you think it means my girlfriend is not the one for me?Or does it mean that this girl is?Ive never felt so physically attracted to someone ever. Yet I really did think I loved my girlfriendIm so confused.
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (12 October 2013):
 Either you're the same OP as the other letters posted on here regarding this same situation or we now have the boyfriend!
The first letter was about this exact situation but from the other woman.
The second was from an "alleged" best friend of the adulterer.
And now from yourself, the "alleged" adulterer.
If you are genuinely the adulterer in this scenario I will tell you what I told your "best friend"
You may love your girlfriend but you behave like a slime ball. She deserves better than you. Let her go so she can find a decent man.
You should stick with the office totty because she knew about your girlfriend yet still pursued you. You both have the morals of an alley cat so are well suited.
If you are the mistress (and I believe you are), then you really need to get a grip and stop writing these letters.
You have committed yourself to a man who has chosen his girlfriend over you despite all your attempts to win him. You have handed yourself to him on a plate and he's using you for sex.
My guess is this, if his girlfriend founds out she'll dump him but he won't come running to you for anything other than sex.
He won't build a relationship with you because he doesn't see you as girlfriend material, you are one night stand material. You haven't respected yourself enough to ever make him respect you.
I don't like being so harsh but you had our views with what I believe was your first letter and you didn't like our responses.
If you are truly the adulterer, then only you know what you feel but lust is not love.
If you truly loved your girlfriend then you wouldn't be tempted by another, because when you love someone they are the only person you want to share intimacy with.
You say it's not you are but sadly it's who you've become.
I feel so sorry for your girlfriend, this poor woman loves and trusts you and your cheating on and lying to her. She deserves better.
AB x
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 Yeah, you dont love your gf if you can betray her like that. If this other girl is so amazing why arent you with her instead? Its not that complicated. If you cheat you have already ended the relationship, you just havent got the guts to tell her yet.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I believe this is from your mistress:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ive-been-involved-with-a-guy-from-work.html
And I believe this is from your friend:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-friend-has-a-perfect-girlfriend-yet-cheated.html
?
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (12 October 2013):
You're going to get a lot of people telling you it means you don't love her, but those people speak through ignorance. You can love someone and cheat, it's not related.
What it really means is that you're selfish and you don't care about your girlfriend's feelings as much as you think you do.
Throughout human history we were polygamous. Monogamy is only a recent development, and it's still something that's in most people's system, hence the high divorce rate and high incidence of cheating.
I just ask you to imagine the pain you'd cause your gf if she found out. Is that worth a little bit of sex? If you say no then stop. If you say yes than dump her.
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