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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So a few days ago my girlfriend randomly starts acting cold and won't tell me what's wrong initially. She then spills the beans and tells me that she saw me on Facebook liking photos and statuses of girls that she knows I used to talk to. We have a whole blowout and break up because neither one of use thinks that we are wrong in the situation. My stance is, I'm always with her and when I'm not we're always on the phone. To me likes mean nothing, to her I shouldn't be on other girls pages in the first place. So who's right in the situation?
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female
reader, KC12  +, writes (16 October 2013):
 What is the nature of the statuses and pics that you are liking? If they are sexual pics of these girls, or provocative statuses then you may be out of line.
If it's liking pics of their dogs/cats or statuses like "I'm going to Pizza Hut for dinner." Then, I doubt there would be any controversy...or at least there shouldn't be.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): Neither is right or wrong. It's a matter of personal tolerance and boundaries. So, she doesn't like what you consider normal. This type of thing will go on and on in life regardless of the topic or who you are with. In the long run, you will need to get good with your negotiation skills, in the short run, get off Facebook.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 Whether or not 'liking' someone's photos is crossing a line depends upon the circumstances in which it is being done and the photos being 'Liked'.
Same gender friends, relatives 'liking' benign photos is acceptable.
'Liking' pictures (benign or otherwise) of women you 'used to talk to' could and often does mean 'Oh yeah, baby' (even when it doesn't, it still raises questions in the minds of others) so that would be unacceptable, particularly if either one of you has a significant other.
Of course, I'm assuming that 'used to talk to' is a hazy reference to having had a sexual interest in and/or involvement with them. If they'd been platonic friends, you'd have made that clear.
It's not enough to do the right thing. You must be seen to be doing the right thing at all times. People should not have to rely solely on trust in their dealings with you.
Even if you meant no harm, you're certainly old enough and familiar enough with the ways of the world to know that many people would question your motives. A wise, considerate person would have erred on the side of caution.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): I think it really depends. You could be "liking" photos as a friendly gesture because someone posted something decent on facebook, or you could be liking the sexy pictures your slutty ex's post. There's a difference. It's facebook, people click "like" on everything. But if you're surfing their page or going overboard with it, it's disrespectful, and I'd be really mad too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2013): I am going to upset a lot of people (females} here. If this question had been posted by a female about a male, this would have been most of the replies; your partner is insecure, immature and controlling. Get rid.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 October 2013):
 You are broken up, so why does it matter? Your problem wasnt facebook, your problem was horrible/missing communication. You were both right/wrong. You were both right in your actions/feelings, and both wrong in how to handle it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 October 2013):
 I'm going to be blunt here. She is right, the relationship is over. You crossed her line and she is exercising her right to dump you for hurting her. You are wrong, you can't get her back by getting a bunch of strangers to tell her that she shouldn't be hurt. She is not going to give you permission to continue the hurtful activity no matter who agrees with you.
You may feel mistreated because you weren't told the rules in advance. I agree that communication should have happened before the break. Arguing with her now is not going to improve your relationship with her. Taking You Wish's advise and apologizing profusely and removing the problem might help. But, only if you are sincere. If you still believe you are right, and if you just smooth this over and go back to visiting these pages when you think she isn't watching, you will be in even more trouble than you are now.
I'm not saying her rule is proper or correct or even right. What I am saying is that her rule exists, and you are going to have to accept it or reject her.
FA
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 October 2013):
 The key is what you said here:
"that she knows I used to talk to."
What precisely does that mean? You dated them? You worked with them? You slept with them? You had a crush on them?
I'll tell you this straight up...if you had anything romantic with those girls, then you are a disloyal boyfriend. You have no business keeping contact with women that you had feelings for, used to date or hooked up with.
If you're messing with anyone like that now on Facebook, you need to apologize PROFUSELY and get off of their pages.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 October 2013):
 You guys are both equally acting idiotic. That's my stance. Damn Facebook.
Stop being so stubborn. Relationships aren't about when is right or wrong. it's about compromise. If she doesn't like it, agree not to do it. Is it really that big of a deal??
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 October 2013):
Neither of you and both of you. You have the right to like girls on Facebook, you even have the right to sleep with them if you're open about it. And she has the right to tell you that she finds your behavior unacceptable and leave you.
Who's right and wrong is often irrelevant, and learning to compromise is an important lesson. You may feel you're right, and in a way you are, but now you're single. Had you decided that you can be right but also be respectful of the person's feelings who your with, you'd still be in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (10 October 2013):
 I think facebook causes unnecessary drama in relationships, and this is a perfect example of how. I use it to stay in touch with a couple of friends who have moved far away, and some family I wouldn't otherwise go out of my way to talk to. I have a total of maybe 40 people on my list, and I don't care. I can't see adding every single person I ever knew, or guys I used to talk to. I can't see sharing photos or my personal life with hundreds of people, it's just asking for trouble in my opinion. To me, it's best to only use it for the people you're close to, if you're going to use it all. That said, I respect you may have a different opinion than mine. And in reality, "like" is just the click of a button. For me, when I "like" a photo or status, it's just to let the person know I saw it, to acknowledge it. If I genuinely like something that was posted, I leave a comment. "Liking" it just seems too lazy if I actually care. The only ways I could see this being a problem is if you're "liking" absolutely EVERYTHING one certain woman posts. This could make it seem to your girlfriend like you're constantly viewing this other woman's profile, and spending time thinking about her. The other way is if you're "liking" photos of these women scantily dressed, bikini shots, provocative poses, etc. That you shouldn't do. It updates everyone on your friend list when you "like" or comment on something, so that's just letting all your family and friends know you're viewing other women. I can see where that would be a blow to your girlfriend's ego. That stuff is better kept to yourself. However, if these were just regular photos, then I think your girlfriend overreacted.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 October 2013):
 I have to agree with kc_100
I think it's blown WAY out of proportions though. When Facebook becomes a source of fights you BOTH ought to have looked at your OWN behaviors as well as each others. To me I think you did, what you did, because you felt you should be able to do as you see fit.
For her to go so overboard over the likes is a little silly to me, but on the other hand if these are women from you past you don't even have anything to do with, WHY bother "liking" their photos? If it means NOTHING (as you put it...) What's the point?
So in my book you are both wrong and pretty immature. Life doesn't revolve around Facebook, unless you let it and if you do, THAT is the kinda of drama you invite in.
Get of Facebook and live life.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (10 October 2013):
 Hmmm I'm more on the side of your girlfriend here, its a bit weird that you are 'liking' statuses and photos of a girl you no longer talk to. Why are you doing that?
If it were a friend who you were still in touch with, who you never had romantic/sexual feelings towards, then you can 'like' as much as you want. However when its a former crush/love interest, and you dont talk to them anymore, why bother 'liking' what they are up to? Its not like you keep in touch, its not like you are friends and are involved in each others lives. By 'liking' everything she does, it would seem to an outsider (and your girlfriend) that you are trying to be involved in her life, trying to claw your way back in, speak to her again, initiate contact etc. And that is a bit odd when you have a girlfriend.
I know you are with your girlfriend 24/7, so you are not cheating - but part of your brain is thinking about this other girl often enough to care about the things she gets up to, and take the time out of your day to 'like' what she is doing. The photos are particularly bad, if the girl is on a night out, looking pretty in a nice dress etc then its basically saying 'I like the way you look in this photo'. By doing that it tells your girlfriend that you are attracted to her because you 'like' the way she looks.
I know this is all pretty dumb, and life should not revolve around facebook - but if you are happy with your girlfriend why waste time and effort on a girl you dont speak to anymore? Something doesnt add up for me and that is why your girlfriend is upset.
Maybe if you give some more info - like why are you doing this and why bother 'liking' so much of this girls life, then maybe we can help further. But at the moment you are wrong and your girlfriend is right.
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A
female
reader, Soconfusedanymore +, writes (10 October 2013):
 I'm on your gfs side in this. Women are jealous creatures as it is. I wouldn't want my bf on any womans page either. Facebook creates more fights than it is worth. All hell would be raised especially if my bf was on an exs page, or someone he used to talk to. Call it insecurity, but I call it a respect issue. Obviously if you dated, liked, or talked to a female in an intimate way, there was some feeling or attraction to them before. I don't blame your gf at all for her reaction. How would you feel if your girl was all over some dudes page she had the hots for prior to you. I bet it would hurt your ego just a bit. I understand you may see nothing wrong with this, but she does and you have to respect that. I can't speak for all women, but the ones I know, including myself wouldn't be cool with that. God knows half the chicks on fb can't keep their clothes on. Like I said fb creates more drama than it is worth. Put yourself in her shoes. She probably feels like, if you have her why would you need to look at other women. And if you do, at least keep it to yourself. Why publicly do something, when your gf can see it. The status', that is different. But then again, if your gf doesn't want exs, and former flames on your friend list, why have them there anyways. But then again if you can't, she shouldn't have her exs on her friend list either. That does go both ways. Bottom line is it is disrespectful to her, and her feelings.
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