A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have herpes type 2. I get one bump, and thats it. Every now and again. Anyway, Im planning on going on a date with a man ive been talking to for 6 months, in a week. I know we are headed in a serious direction. He has a messed up past, being an ex drug user, and he was in prison for 2 years. Im scared he wont be accepting of my condition. Its a cosmetic illness, I'm not a walking virus :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): HiI'm the first anon poster who has HSV1. I think what you plan to say sounds about right. From some years of experience with this, I think it's better to get this over with sooner rather than later. I used to be petrified of telling people. Ok I've only told 3 but I've never had a negative response, and I think that's partly because I've told them early enough (certainly before having sex) that I have a "take it or leave it" attitude, and also because I know I'm armed with the information so I can explain it all very well.Would he reject you if you told him you have cold sores on your mouth occasionally? No, I doubt it. He'd likely refrain from kissing you if you had a cold sore but that's it. It's really not that different with genital herpes. Yes, I know we can still 'shed' the virus between outbreaks but as you say, you can minimise the chances of passing it on. The only major thing I've experienced is men not really wanting to go down on me, which is as ridiculous as someone refusing to kiss their partners mouth between cold sore outbreaks - but maybe the herpes is a convenient excuse :/As an aside: keep healthy and fit, eat well exercise, get enough rest/ sleep to minimise outbreaks. You can also try supplements like Lysine, or take prophylactic acyclovir if you get regular outbreaks. We are NOT walking viruses, anymore than someone who has occasional cold sores x
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys. We met face to face about six months ago, and we clicked vety well. I got a boyfriend though, he went away for a while, etc. We kept in contact though. I feel like I'm going to bring it up, ask him his opinion on relationships where one person has something the other doesnt.
I'm basically going to say; "This relationship means alot to me, and before we go any further, I have to tell you I have herpes. There are many ways to minimize the risk of me passing it to you. I hope you understand and are willing to give us a chance to move passed this, but if not I understand".
And then give him his space, to think about it and make a decision he is comfortable with. Does that sound okay?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): I have HSV1 genitally, the only people who didn't accept it were randoms off the internet (only one had my picture) most were inquisitive. I've had a relationship and he forgot I even had it. There are alot of people who accept it, it's a harmless skin condition.
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (10 October 2013):
 Thank you for your reply :)
Blurting it out's not so good because, I think, that it doesn't show the level importance and concern you feel about this.
I don't think it's one of the first things you say either :)
I would wait to see how you two actually get on first in a face to face and how comfortable it is.
If things are moving in the right direction tell him that you have something on your mind which has been really upsetting and worrying you..........then tell him.
I think he'll be supportive if you two are as close as it sounds you are.
In response to the other Aunts and Uncles comments about his past. They are only advising you to be careful, not everyone with a drugs, alcohol or addicted past rehabilitates fully.
OK he made some bad choices in the past, but (and it's only my opinion) he's paid his dues to society, cleaned up his act and deserves a second chance.
I think that providing you are careful, and fully aware of his background, this relationship could work, but if, at any point, you notice signs that he may going back to his old ways you should think again.
The fact is, he's been honest with you and isn't hiding it, you could just have easily have a met a guy with the same background who kept it quiet.
Please do be careful (but taht goes for meeting anyone) and I hope it goes well.
Hope this helps AB x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): Hi, I got HSV1 but 'down there'. I have had no symptoms since the first breakout which was more than 5 years ago. Since then I've had 3 relationships and each time I told the man before we got serious. Last time I told the guy before we even met face to face. I explained the situation to each man, and you know what, they were fine with it. People are generally uninformed about this. Something like 80% of adults in the USA are positive for HSV1 but it doesn't stop them giving oral sex, which can pass it to the genital area (as I discovered!). I'm not sure of HSV2 stats but you can look that up. Get all the facts to hand so you can explain it fully to the man you're planning to meet, and if it doesn't work out with him you know how to explain it fully to any future partners. Tell him sooner rather than later. I used to dread telling people, thought this thing had ruined my life forevermore, but it hasn't. The longer you leave it to tell him, the worse it'll get in your mind. Having herpes is nothing compared to being a former addict, he was brave enough to be honest. You can be brave too :)
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 October 2013):
Herpes is very common, and prior to drug companies deciding to market it as a virus that you should be embarrassed by, it was just considered a normal, no big deal thing.
So, maybe you should figure out a good way to tell him ahead of time and just come right out and say it. It's not the end of the world if he really likes you. If he says he can't be with you don't take it too personally, there are many other guys out there that would be okay with it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl, I have to respectfully disagree with one of your statements, an addict for life. I was an IV Methamphetamine user when I was alot younger. I got over it, have kids and a great life. It doesnt bother me today, I dont crave it, long for it, etc.
As for the rest of it, I dont know I guess im just scared hes gonna think im yucky. How should I break it to him? Just spit it out, or slowly build up to it? I want him to know before we decide to become sexually active. I have been tested, last time this year and havent had any sexual partners since. I just want it to go as smooth as possible. We all make mistakes, but it scared me that i'll have to livr with this one forever, scared of how its gonna affect my life.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 You will just have to face your fears, either he's fine with it or he isn't. Either way you have it, nothing to do about that. So you can't avoid this, you need to face it and see what happens.
But like Fatherly Advice says, I'm more worried about HIS past. Be careful. He's got a history that is a strong reflection of him as a person. Not just some silly mistake as a youth, but substance abuse leading to addiction, and on top of that time in prison. For what crime?
I don't think people should be shunned for being in prison, everyone deserves to be treated with respect. But you can't be naive when dealing with people with so much baggage, you need to have a good grip on where they stand, where they come from, and how to handle it. Because there will be complications, and if you enter unprepared then you will be tossed around and kicked to the ground before you even realize it.
By the way, addiction lasts for life. He's still an addict, and always will be. Whether he uses drugs or not, the addiction stays with you for life. Go slowly with this one, don't rush anything.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 October 2013):
 I think it is incredibly brave of you to pursue a relationship with someone with an addiction history. It shows that you have a strong belief in the ability of humans to change and improve themselves. There will always be some things you will have to watch and be careful about.
Like him you have a past and a situation that will require some adaptation to make everything work. In fact everyone does. We all have some baggage when we go into a relationship. We all have insecurities about what a new partner will be willing to accept, or be able to handle. I hope he sees your trouble in the same charitable way that you see his.
I guess you came looking for encouragement. We don't know how he will react. What we do know is that you have not rushed in. You have laid the emotional ground work. He has something to hold on to when you deliver the news. You are doing everything right so far. Go ahead, what could you possibly do more?
FA
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 October 2013):
 I would imagine with his past he will be understanding, we've all got some secrets/baggage that we come with... You have no choice really, be strong and tell him, hope it goes well
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reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (9 October 2013):
Unfortunately as you know with Herpes type 2 there is no permanent cure but it can be treated with antiviral medication and if you experience a flare up and until the symptoms have gone completely you must use a barrier method of contraception.
I agree you must be honest and tell him, it's hardly something you can hide and pretend you haven't got, especially if you should have a flare up.
As to how he will take it, I don't know, but you guys have been talking a lot over a long time and he has shared things about his past that he must have been concerned may put you off such as the drug use and prison term.
I'm pleased you've met someone and you think it may be serious. If it really is serious then he will accept you. If he doesn't then he wasn't as serious as you were.
I think it will be ok, you have a medical condition that flares up occasionally but can be controlled and managed when it does, it's not such a big deal honey.
I wish you well and hope the date is everything you long for.
Hope this helps AB x
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