| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm a 26 year-old single male, and I'm sick of my sex drive. Absolutely, 100% sick of it. People talk about sex like it's one of the great joys of life, but as far as I can tell, it's more burden than blessing. I'm sick of thinking about sex all the time. I'm sick of masturbation. It'll take years of work before I'm fit for a relationship again, and I'm sick of that too. I'm sick of wanting, sick of lusting, and most of all, I'm sick of this constant frustration. This damned sex drive of mine has brought me far, far more misery than pleasure, and if I didn't think it would hurt like hell, I'd castrate myself today just to be rid of it. It's like a drug addiction that I never asked for, can't feed, and that no amount of abstinence can make go away. What can I do? Masturbation's no good; even if it weren't a pathetically unsatisfying excuse for the real thing, I've had to move back in with my mom lately, and have to plan any "me" time around her schedule, so... yeah. This also means that bringing a woman home (even if that were an option -- with no false modesty, I'm not exactly a great catch) is completely out of the question. But even when I get out of here, what then? I'll be able to jerk off as I please, yippee. No. I need to get rid of this stupid miserable sex drive, now.What are my options?
View related questions:
sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2013): I am a female and I sometimes get tired of sex too. For me it's more of a religious issue. Like any sex,(oral, anal, etc is a sin) I can't even tell you how many times a day I fantasize about a guy I like. He was saying all this sexual stuff to me on the text and even though I was flattered that he is still into me, I'm not that enthusiastic. You're pretty young and you might just need to sort it all out. You have to do what you feel is best for you. As one person said the medications we take can lower the sex drive. But don't let it consume you. Get to the root of the problem. As I mentioned, for me it has always been a religious thing. Sometimes it is about the constant talk about sex that drives me crazy. The condom commercials, the Soap Operas, the music videos, etc. I was thinking that it might be because I want to be married again this way all the people around me who are religious telling me that certain sex acts are a sin will just stop when I have a husband, If sex is suppose to be saved for marriage. You said sex has caused you misery. You need to talk about that with a professional person who can help you sort that out. It has helped me a great deal.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Your best option is to see your doctor. It isn't weird at all, a high sex drive can be very troublesome, and it has come to the point where it interferes with your life, and makes you miserable. I think you need to take this seriously, as it has a negative effect on your life. Masturbation doesn't help lowering your sex drive, and you know it doesn't help. It's good that you seek advice, but more than anything you should go to your doctor with this problem. Maybe you are worried your doctor will not take you seriously? Take yourself seriously, and they will too. Or change doctors.
I see how this can be a very difficult problem for you to deal with, because it's not like people tend to discuss such private matters openly. So you wouldn't know if others experience the same/what one should do about it. But you should see your doctor and explain properly how this affects you, and seek help to lower your sex drive. There are MANY medications that can lower/completely kill your sex drive without there being negative side effects. I don't know what would work for a man, but for women it can be as simple as changing birth control pills, or take the depo shot. I tried the shot once, and lost my sex drive completely. Which naturally became a problem too, because too high or too low sex drive are both problematic. But there are ways to adjust this.
However, an extremely high sex drive may also be a symptom of something else, perhaps too high levels of testosterone or something else. Perhaps you need hormones, or perhaps some other treatment will help. Your doctor will know.
You can get help for this, don't lose hope. Just see your doctor.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 PAXIL or another anti-depressant will destroy your drive as long as you are on it and it will also boost the seratonin in your body and help yo cope with the depression I see screaming out in your post.
I strongly suggest you see your doctor to discuss a course of anti-depressants and tell him or her you would prefer one that inhibits libido. Also have them recommend a good therapist to get started on working on the issues that are causing you this desire to end a perfectly natural function in your life.
I'm sensing life has gone to hell in a handbasket for you.
relationship broke up
had to move home with mom meaning either you got kicked out of your home with your partner or you lost your job....
way more going on in this post than just HOW can I stop being horny.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): Sex can be a wonderful and fulfilling experience when you have someone to experience it with. But I do agree that without the opportunity to share it with someone, that a sex drive can be nothing more than a burden, an inconvenience and make things unnecessarily complicated in your life. I really do relate.I have wished that I could somehow just be rid of my sex drive until it could be of use to me especially over the last few years and somehow put attach an 'on/off' switch to it. In fact only a few days ago it has become the direct cause of a situation with a friend of mine that I would of preferred to avoid altogether and is making me question whether I should more somewhere far away to make things easier for her. Problems, on problems, on problems.Now in answer to your direct question.While the choices you make in regards to sex are within your control (more than most of us would like to admit), sex drive itself is extremely difficult to control, especially if it is something that your mind is obsessed with (again something I can truly relate to). Distractions, in almost any non-sexual form can help - but is admittedly limited and usually only works for the duration of the distraction itself and doesn't work in all situations. - Still, distractions should be able to get you through the majority of any day successfully.Meditation is probably more effective because it's whole focus is to separate yourself completely from the superficial aspects of the world around us - which obviously includes sex. This can be difficult to learn initially but once you have achieved the ability to do it, it becomes really easily and I believe it would be extremely useful in your case for many, many reasons.Ok, now the hard stuff.Reading your post I get a distinct impression of self loathing beyond just your hatred of your sex drive. An absolute belief that you are too damaged to be in a relationship with another person, feeling of worthlessness from masturbating, disappointment for having to move back to live with your mother, a general lack of self-worth, a feeling of there being no hope for anything positive happening or changing in the future, even a hatred of your own penis. I really don't know if you are going to get the answers or advice you so obviously desperately need from any forum - including this one.I seriously believe that you need to talk directly and in person with a professional, particularly someone who specialises in self esteem and sexually based issues. And judging by your obvious levels of frustration - I recommend that you do this as soon as you possibly can. You really shouldn't wait.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 October 2013):
It seems like this is a rhetorical question.
The real answer is GET A GRIP ON YOUR LIFE! Set some goals. Lose weight, work out, lift weights, eat healthy, get a job or a better job, work harder, do fun things, etc. Then, you might find yourself in a position to get women. When that time comes don't be a wimp; ask them out without fear of rejection. Who cares if they say no? Every no is one step closer to a yes.
Or, Jack off into your mom's towels. You could probably benefit from some counseling.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (27 October 2013):
 hmmm, it's hard to tell what exactly the problem is here. you paint the picture of a guy who possibly has a sex addiction? is this possibly correct? does it consume your life? is it coming between you and your daily functions? anyway, if you do feel that you have a sexual addiction that is becoming debilitating, then you may need to seek counseling. if this is the case, i can see why your sex drive is driving you crazy, as it is interferring with normal, every day functioning.
however, if this is not the case, and you merely just have a high sex drive, you sound very hard on yourself and seem to harbor a bit of anger directed inward. i think you should try to get to the bottom of where this anger is coming from. most men masturbate and have a high sex drive. especially at your age. i think you should do a bit of introspection and try to get to the bottom of why you feel this way. again, a counselor may be of good use, so that you can work out how to rid yourself of this anger. good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (27 October 2013):
Dear OP,
It seems to me that your sex drive is not the real problem. Problem is that you're depressed and frustrated at the moment. Not just about sex, about love I guess, about life, about you. You should immediately get help about this. If you don't want to talk to a counselor, at least maybe talk to a good friend? Or tell us? What kind of trouble did you get into because of your sex drive? What is that constant frustration you're talking about?
Anyway, to answer the original question.. my sex drive always gets very low when I'm busy with other things. So, what I recommend is distraction. Find something that keeps you busy, or satisfied, in another way. Work, sports, hobby, meeting friends, anything that completely absorbs your thoughts. If you sit alone in your room it won't help at all.
But in the end.. I hope you'll be friends with your body and your sex drive again. If you want to get rid of something like this by force, you'll focus on it even more and never get there, you'll always be struggling and worrying. You'll be like "I don't want to be horny" and then you'll be mentally checking if you're horny and you'll find that you've just thought about sex etc.. you'll only get messed up over nothing.
If you accept that some sex drive is there and will always be there, and not take much notice of it, not get annoyed by it or try to suppress it, then it will disappear and reappear more naturally. It won't bother you so much in times when you don't need it and it will pop up when it's necessary.
Hope this helped a little.. and wish you good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): It's normal to have a sex drive, although for men it's usually during their teens and early 20s. It is usually tapered off at least a little by now. But there may be some sex-addicts anonymous groups in your area. I am an pain pill addict and alcoholic and sometimes my cravings get pretty bad too. That is when I call a sponsor or another sober support to talk me down. I'm not saying that you're a sex addict, but it may help to see if anything at those meetings helps you. I know abstinence is what I have to do for myself as far as drugs and alcohol come in, but once the physical craving is gone, it's easier for me to work with my emotional and mental craving. This is something I hope you can talk to a counselor or support about If you can't find one in your area, maybe you can look on-line? I'm sure there are groups there and they are free. I know that's going to be hard in some ways because not everyone takes it seriously and there are some people who troll for victims. Shoot, I know drug-dealers who some into NA (Narcotics anonymous) just to look for potential buyers. What I do is stick with the women and stick around those who have several years of sobriety. I think the same principle applies to sex addiction. I'm sorry that I cannot give you better advice, but I felt I could at least point you in the right direction.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): Get rid of the most one of the most basic instincts you, as a human, still have?
I think it more prudent that you see a professional psychiatrist because your issues are clearly self-esteem related.
Sex is not meant to be hated, or feared... it is meant to be the pinnacle, the most enjoyable part, of a romantic interlude with someone we desire and who desires us in return.
And masturbation... a brilliant stress reliever when not done more than once a day at most.
Seriously, man... you need to chill and not take it all so damn seriously. It's meant to be FUN.
Flynn 24
...............................
|
