A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Can you sue someone for giving you an STD?My ex boyfriend has contacted me, to say that he recently ejaculated blood and that if he has an STD he will be suing me.I haven't had a check-up for a few months, but last time I went to the doctors (he came with me) I was clean, and I have not been intimate with him for 3 months.He is also threatening to damage my car, as I am refusing to return a $300 birthday gift, which he gave me last December..Last week he called me crying, begging for me back and saying he will kill himself.What can I do about this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the great answers, I feel a lot better about the situation now.
I will just ignore his attempts of contact from now on, and have informed my step dad who worked in law enforcement for 20 years, about my fears.
Thanks again!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 Document everything. Save all phone records, texts, social media messages, all messaging of any type from him.
Report the threats to damage your car to police.
If he threatens to kill himself again, contact police so he can be taken into protective custody and evaluated by a psychiatrist. You could also contact his parents to let them know he threatened to kill himself and that you are concerned that he is a danger to himself. Let them know about the threat to damage your car, as this represents a threat to property.
The cause for blood in his ejaculate will need to be established by a qualified physician who can examine and diagnose him. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/blood-in-semen/MY01214/DSECTION=causes He's jumping the gun to blame this symptom on you. I'd proceed under the assumption that he's a wackadoodle and needs to be handled only at arm's length and preferably by someone else, a mediator of some kind. Your doctor for the medical stuff and maybe a friend who is an attorney for the other stuff? Insist all communications are via email or other medium that can be archived in case of a later problem. If he rings you, record the conversation, notifying him before you start a convo with him that you are recording things for the record.
Don't cave into such blatant abusive tactics by him, okay?
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A +, writes (13 October 2013):
 So far he’s stated; ‘IF’ he has an STD he will be suing you… (Good luck with that notion in Australia!) Although he could have an infection of another sort which has nothing to do with you, yet in spit of that he implies that you are the STD carrier.
Given your clean bill of health at the time, please note that it could be argued that anyone can still contract an STD the very next day if they had contact with any such infected person and you would need to be tested again. Such results take another three months to conclude.
Meanwhile HE still HAD CONSENTUAL SEX with you 3 months prior, and since then has gone on a mental rampage, using fear tactics and emotional blackmail to unravel you, so I don’t see how he proposes to win a case, behaving like a lunatic!? He might even find himself locked up or placed on a DVO – Domestic Violence Order by you!?
Furthermore, because he threatens to damage your property and emotionally blackmails you by saying he will kill himself… This by all means should be documented with times and dates and reported to the authorities, as his hinge has come loose from the doorway and he’s ‘unpredictable’ where your safety is concerned!?
If the gifted item is more important to you than your (peaceful) life then keep it… Otherwise take it to the Police Station as mentioned and have nothing to do with him lest you fall victim to his (psychotic) games.
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 October 2013):
 You can stay FAR AWAY from this creature....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 Oh, I really feel for you. He's not well (mentally), and he's making it your problem. I highly doubt he ejaculated blood, and I highly doubt he's going to kill himself.
I strongly suggest you return the gift by whatever means (NOT face to face) and then cut all contact. Cut all ties so he has no excuse no shoehorn his way back into your life.
He has family and friends to look after his welfare. Let them do it. He is not your responsibility.
He's going to ever increasing lengths to get your attention, and that needs to stop right now.
I agree that you should keep hold of any threats and notify the police. This includes the threat to sue you. He's harassing you, OP, and that's illegal.
Take care of yourself x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): I don't know about the laws in your country; but STD's are too widespread for people to be suing each other for passing around a contagious venereal disease. The courts would be clogged with litigants looking for money.
However; here in the United States you can be prosecuted for deliberately endangering someone's life; if you "knowingly" pass on a potentially lethal disease such as HIV. There might be compensation for medical costs and mental anguish; but these cases are complicated and hard to prove.
You should get checked immediately, do not hesitate; because every day that passes allows bacteria or viruses to take hold of your body. Don't panic, that's part of his plan. Stir fear.
As for your boyfriend, he is a possible psychopath; and you should report the threats to the police, and get your country's equivalent to a restraining order. If he is sending (or has sent) you threatening messages, save those messages for evidence.
You may be embarrassed about the fact that you may have been exposed to an STD; but anyone threatening you harm in any way, could mean your life. He may not even have an STD, and could be using that as a tactic to scare you. He should be reported to the police in any case. He doesn't have to have a venereal disease to urinate blood. It could be an untreated bladder infection, kidney stones, or worse. It is unlikely you'd have no symptoms, if he is urinating blood. It would mean you were infected before he was.
Do not allow him around your home, do not be alone with him, do not attempt to handle anything by yourself. Alert family, friends, and a next-door neighbors (don't create panic). Just let them know you've been threatened by an ex-boyfriend. Do not be ashamed to let people around you know that you or your property is under threat. Be careful how you word it, when you tell people things. They do blow things out of proportion; and tend to turn things into terrorist plots when it's just a domestic issue. Keep details to yourself.
Landlords do not like uncontrolled domestic issues flaring up around their properties, it's a potential threat to other tenants, the neighborhood, and their property. They would be justified not to renew your lease, or they can evict you. Crazy exes can cause a lot of grief and harm. That's what police are for.
Give the gift to the police; and ask them to notify him where to pick it up. Don't keep it. Get a report that you left it there. Don't take anything for granted. Stay away from his friends, they aren't yours. Keep paperwork.
Alert authorities and get this guy on notice! If anything happens, they'll know the first person to look for. He'll know better than to bully people; because he's over-dosing on testosterone. Keep pictures of his damage; insurance companies don't take your word for anything.
My best goes out to you!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 October 2013):
 No, he can't sue you. Obviously he isn't mentally well, and will try anything to get you back/get back at you. The way his moods swings, and the extreme lengths he goes to, say a lot about him not being mentally well.
He can't sue you, but you, on the other hand, can report him to the police for threatening you. You can also report in a possible suicide attempt.
I would at least get it on file that he has threatened to damage your car, so that if it is damaged you can report him to the police. I would also look into possibly putting the care somewhere safe until you know he's cooled off and out of your life.
Cut him out, he's trying to get your attention, that's all. He's just shouting loud and going to extremes because he's mad at you, and wants your attention. Ignore him. Keep ignoring him. Don't pick up the phone when he calls, don't talk to him, don't answer texts. Change your number if you can. He'll have a maniac period where he will try to go to extremes (which is why you should put your car somewhere safe, there is no guarantee he will be paying for damages), and then once he's ravaged and gotten it out of his system, seen that he can't get your attention no matter what.. he will start to look elsewhere for someone else to bully.
Cut him out of your life, and you will no longer have to deal with this drama. Don't get involved with him or anyone who has anything to do with him.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (13 October 2013):
 I assume you were the one who ended the relationship?It sounds to me like he's mentally unstable and looking for ways to get your attention. Please document any threats he has made to you and your property so that you can involve the police if necessary, because your ex sounds like he's well on his way to being a great candidate for a restraining order. His mental health is not your problem and his threats in that regard are most likely meant to make you feel guilt and regret over ending things so that you may rethink your decision. Ignore him and don't respond when he contacts you.As far as lawsuits over STDs I have never heard or read of legal consequences for anything other than deliberately infecting another person with HIV. For him to prove you "gave" him an STD (for which he has yet to even test positive, so we're speaking in hypotheticals here) he would also have to prove that he was faithful to you for the duration of the relationship and has not been with anyone else since.There's really no evidence he can give that "proves" any of that; a judge would just have his word for it. Unless he took a test the day before you two got together, there is also no proof that HE didn't give the hypothetical STD to YOU and not the other way around, since several of the more common STDs are "silent" (present without symptoms) in many of the people who carry them. Speaking of which, *you* should get tested again now that your relationship is over, because who's to say that he couldn't have given you something?Bottom line: I would not give any such lawsuit, if he did try to bring one, a snowball's chance in hell of success, as any defense attorney you retained would poke a million holes in the claims your ex is making.Do not let this keep you up at night. Good luck and best wishes :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 October 2013):
 I don't know the laws Down Under - I guess it would depend on several things.
1. What STD is it.
2. IF you were aware of having it or not.
3. How good a lawyer he can find.
4. IT is a personal injury claim. (in the US at least)
In America, I DO know that you CAN sue someone for passing on HIV knowingly. It can actually end in jail sentence. Some twenty seven states in the country have enacted criminal statutes that allow for prosecution of those who know they are infected with the HIV virus and engage in sexual conduct without disclosure. So it can happen.
As for him threatening to damage your car, do you have proof? If you do (let's say he sent you a text..) you can take it to the police and look for a Protective Order against him. In the mean time I would suggest you find a safer place to park it.
And I know there should be no take backs on presents given in a relationship, but maybe giving it back will get him off your back, UNLESS he really is so unstable that he wants all kind of things after that, because you gave in. CALL the Police.
Go get another check up. FOR YOUR sake. Not for his.
And last but not least STOP talking to him. He is trying to manipulate you,control you, blackmail you and ruin your life so WHY still talk to him? CUT HIM OUT of your life.
Unless HE was a virgin when you two started having sex, there is not really any way (unless you come up positive with same STD's ) that he can prove it came from you. So bear that in mind.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (13 October 2013):
 I think it's unlikely that your boyfriend could possibly sue you for an STD because, think about it calmly, he would have to prove, beyond ALL reasonable doubt that;
1) You have the same STD strain.
2) He contracted it from you.
3) He had not had any other sexual encounters EVER that could have infected him
4) Prove that he hadn't infected you first
If able to satisfy all of the above he would then have to prove (and here's the clincher)
5) That you knowingly set out to infect him.
OK, now you know he can't do anything, you must also accept that he is clearly mentally unstable and I believe may be dangerous.
Avoid him at all costs. Do not take his calls. Block him every way you can. Confide in family and friends so that you have support.
If he makes any further threats to you or your property report him to the authorities.
If he threatens to take his life, ignore it (unless he says he's taken pills or something then call emergency services).
You are NOT responsible for him or his actions.
Starlights is right, professionals need to handle his mental health now.
Cut him off completely and try to move on from this nightmare.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): He is being an emotional black mailing pig who is doing anything to get control over the situation with you. The situation where this could happen if you were knowingly HIV positive and never told a sexual partner. most cases of STD do no show symptoms and if so are easily treated. Having blood in the urine can be smyptomatic of many things something simple as a urine infection and not just an STD. dont panic hes talking rubbish. as for the car take notes and warn him that you have made so and will go to the authorities if he continues on this path.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (13 October 2013):
 Your ex is being emotionally abusive as he makes his threats against you. Usually its about controlling the situation and showing you whose in charge.
I dont think he can sue you for STD's unless he can really prove you put his life in serious health danger.
If he threatens to kill himself call the emergency services in case he actually means it next time.
Professionals need to handle your ex as he may need psychiatric care or be genuinely depressed.
Goodluck.
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