A
female
age
26-29,
*useina
writes:my boyfriend asked me if i'm a virgin or not.i told him the truth,am not a virgin and he's not pleased at all because he's a virgin.what should i do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2013): #1 rules of a relationship for me.
I DO NOT ever want to know about how many people my partner has been with, nor how their sex life was.
That does nothing but create problems.
Your boyfriend has to understand that you had a life before him, and he also had a life before you.
As far as I look at it, you owe no explanation to him. You haven't woken up your entire life knowing that you would one day be with him.
P.S. Honestly, if he thinks he will find someone in life that is a virgin, then I am afraid he is going to have a rude awakening. I mean, I have seen crazier, but this is the real world. We have to accept what is, and what will be.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2013): Its a compatibility problem, nothing more. Either he has to accept it (with no grudges) or else you need to break up with him. Moral judgment would never even get into the issue if it was socially acceptable for people to admit how they really feel from the beginning. They could avoid ever getting involved with partners whose pasts are an issue in the first place. The vast majority of people who don't like a certain sexual past aren't judging everyone who has that past. They just have a personal preference against dating them, which IS NOT the same thing as judging at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (20 October 2013):
 sounds like his problem. if he can't accept you for who you are and the things you've done, who needs him?
besides, it's not like it's something you can change. either he can get over it or not. if he can't, let him go. who needs his judgement.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 October 2013):
 You tell him that your hymen cannot be relaced.... so you are who you are... and HE has to make a choice of either living with that.... or leaving you alone.....
Are you happy to be with a guy who's view of "who you are" is so shallow??????
Good luck.....
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (19 October 2013):
Tell him to accept you the way you are or go find himself a virgin.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2013): I personally think that's a reasonable question for him to ask you. It would be a reasonable question for you to ask him. I think it is his business so far as it concerns him. Have you been tested for STD's and pregnancy? If not, at least get tested to ease his mind (I personally feel everyone should get tested every time they have a new sex partner). That's the easy part.What upsets him about you not being a virgin? Is it because he wants to wait for marriage and has the same standards for anyone he dates? Is it because he wants to have sex for the first time and has always imagined that she would be a virgin? Did he explain why he was upset? Did you tell him you were even though you weren't? You shouldn't have to apologize for having had sex, but you do need to find out if it's a deal-breaker or if there's something that will make him forgive you. See, it's hard to give advice on that because if you're not sorry (and shouldn't have to be), it's stupid to ask forgiveness.If it's something you regret, tell him so but be honest about it. He's not going to want to hear reasons why it was OK for you to lose your virginity, but you have to know if it's a deal breaker.it sounds like he doesn't trust you, even though you didn't do anything wrong. My sister waited until her marriage and so did her husband, they both told me it would be a deal breaker if one of them hadn't been "pure". And they love each other very much!If he decides to go his own way and not be with you, please don't take it personally. I'm sure some day you'll meet someone who likes you for who you are, for your past, present, and possible future. *hugs*
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 October 2013):
 you should get a new boyfriend. he's not happy about something that can't be changed. it is what it is. nothing you say or do will change the truth.
and dear if you are 13-15, please reconsider having sex for a while.... and please if you must have sex then be on birth control and use condoms for safety.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (19 October 2013):
You shouldn’t do anything, this is something he either needs to accept or the relationship has no future. You can’t change it so if he won’t accept it you’ll have to break up. It is unwise to be having sex at your age anyway so if he is of a similar age he won’t be ready yet for sex with you or anyone else. To be honest I think you’re best off breaking up.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 October 2013):
 Break up with him. Life is too short to spend it with people who don't like you, and who are not pleased with you for being who you are. You're not a virgin. You can't go back in time and change into one for his sake either, and even if you couldn't you shouldn't. Not for the sake of some boy.
You need to end the relationship. He's not the one for you if he isn't okay with you being who you are, and this isn't something you can change. You're not the one for him, because he wants a virgin, and you aren't one. That really leaves you no option.
Don't be sad about it. It's life. You will meet people who you aren't meant to be with, you will care for them, but you will also have to let them go. You need to be with someone who is right for you, not spend your time with someone who is going to bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself. Life is too short for that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 October 2013):
 This is not something you can change to make him happy. Ask him what he is expecting you to do to fix the situation.
If he really cannot accept you as a non virgin the relationship is doomed from the start. If he is giving you a hard time or trying to make you feel bad about yourself you will be better to find a new boyfriend.
...............................
|
