| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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At wit's end. My husband is icing the cake of frustration. What's my next step?
Q. I have been married for almost four years, and of those four years, my commute to work has been 45 minutes to an hour. My husband, however, has only worked the past three years. His job is nearby, so his commute is quite short. I was recently pre...
A. 20 May 2016: And there are no houses in the middle, so you could both have a 30-minute commute?
How about you move out and get a place of your own, then visit him and the house on weekends?
Or, just do the commute. Several people commute an hour each way... (read in full...)
How can I introduce the subject of more sexual exploration and trying new things, to see if she is interested?
Q. Myself and partner are due to get wed next year !! Wooo - Hooo !!! We have always been an extremely sexually active couple... For all the ten years of our relationship. More recently my mind has been open to even more sexual endeavors! We have a...
A. 20 May 2016: yes, do bring it up before you marry, in case your sexual ideas are extreme and out of her comfort zone. Avoid this becoming something that will cause frustration.
Other than that, you simply need to talk to her. We don't know her, so can't po... (read in full...)
My ex wants to visit my new Bf for alleged dental work. Is this a good idea? Am I overthinking potential problems here?
Q. I started seeing someone recently We met in the old fashioned way, no internet involved ;) . We are still in the getting to know each other phase and I'm sure we'll move to the next level soon. I really like the fact that we're are not rushing ...
A. 20 May 2016: Over thinking. If he wants to see a dentist, let him. I don't see how that is any of your business though, why did your ex even brig you into this discussion? ... (read in full...)
What comes after divorce? What will my life to be like afterwards?
Q. Debating divorce, what can I expect my life to be like afterwards?!?!?! I haven't been single since I was 16. I've only had one partner. I can cook, clean, pay bills, budget, keep books, fix minor mechanical issues in vehicles, I mow the lawn...
A. 20 May 2016: Why do you need a new job? Isn't the one you already have going to work out if you are divorced? I would put the job search on hold until you have gotten everything else sorted out, you need an income in order to move. It costs money to furnish a ... (read in full...)
Why are some people so critical of open relationships?
Q. So I am letting my fiance have sex with another woman (who herself is in an open relationship) next week. They have already had a date and kissed etc. It's the first time he will have sex outside of our relationship. Rationally I am pretty ok wit...
A. 18 May 2016: I just thought of yet another great example. Not too long ago, some women were interviewed by the newspaper on their choice to not have children. And, you would think that this was their personal choice and that they have the right to make this ... (read in full...)
Why are some people so critical of open relationships?
Q. So I am letting my fiance have sex with another woman (who herself is in an open relationship) next week. They have already had a date and kissed etc. It's the first time he will have sex outside of our relationship. Rationally I am pretty ok wit...
A. 18 May 2016: I think it's up to each and their own. It's no one elses business, really. But people just LOVE to share their opinion, even when it's not asked for. And people will always say what is their personal opinion. They are negative to open relationships ... (read in full...)
I am happy she's happier but what's going on?
Q. I am 6 months in and my girlfriend always has had trouble sleeping, She goes to bed late and has been getting a little better going to bed at 11:00 or 12:00. All of a sudden she started going to bed at 10:00 or 10:30 and she says she's getting nine ...
A. 18 May 2016: I find this an odd question. Cheating is not something that gives off symptoms, and just because you don't understand everything she does, does NOT mean you are entitled to accuse her of cheating.
If you wonder what is going on, learn to ask. You... (read in full...)
My bf thinks I'm scared of sex because I'm still a virgin?
Q. But the truth is...I am nervous about doing it with a real person. But I've also been using sex toys for over a year now. And some are bigger or the same size as my bf (I gave him handjobs so I know his size). To me the toys are really private so I ...
A. 18 May 2016: Yes, you do barely know him. He keeps asking you about sex because I think this is all he is interested in! My advise is that you wait longer and find out if he genuinely cares for you, or if he just wants sex. One week isn't long enough to know, by ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sent a love and apology letter to his ex while with me!
Q. We have been together 6 years on and off. We were changing the furniture in his room I found a letter he wrote to his ex last year. He broke up with her 6 years ago now, as he moved country. She lives in Italy. I ended up translating it to English ...
A. 18 May 2016: I am sorry, but I wont answer this question. You had no right to invade his privacy.... (read in full...)
She hasn't offered nor attempted to contribute funds to pay for some of our outings. How should I bring up the subject of money?
Q. I've been dating a woman for the last two months. We've been hitting it off with great chemistry and I really like her. The only thing that is nagging at me and I'm not sure how to approach her is about money. We have gone out to eat about 9-10 ...
A. 17 May 2016: Noooooo, don't tell her you were "annoyed". There is nothing as big as a turn off as this. You will be lucky to get another date with her again if you tell her you are annoyed with her.
Be the gentleman you pretend to be (and I say pretend,... (read in full...)
Is it alright to have my girlfriend live at the family house for the summer when she will be working with my dad?
Q. Hello everyone, I'm sorry if I kind of stopped giving advice, I had a lot of things in my plate this past month and well there is something that is really concerning me and I may need help. As summer vacation approaches me and my girlfriend TA...
A. 17 May 2016: I think it can go both ways, but if she already said yes to the job then it's up to her how she wants to arrange the sleeping conditions. If you have the opportunity to offer her to stay with you, then you can make the offer, but it's up to her to ... (read in full...)
He says titles are irrelevant. Red flag?
Q. I’ve been dating someone from online for 1.5 months. Yesterday (after a few drinks on his end) he asked me why I like him. I thought that was an awkward question to answer and that it was weird he insisted to know. But then he said “I can’t tell ...
A. 17 May 2016: I think you aren't seeing the forest here because you are obsessing over the trees. You need to take a step back and look at the BIG picture.
Why are you focusing on labels and whether or not he wants labels... You are just dating, you barely k... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to report him for his inappropriate behaviour?
Q. I work in a male dominated industry. There are a number of subcontractors we work with on a regular basis. Last week one of our subcontractors sent a couple of guys out to work on a project. I'm familiar with them all as they come several times a ...
A. 16 May 2016: Cindy, I have unfortunately been in the situation of being forced into things I didn't want to, and I can tell you that even if you, when looking back, or hearing the story from someone else, think that it would be such an easy thing to just say ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to report him for his inappropriate behaviour?
Q. I work in a male dominated industry. There are a number of subcontractors we work with on a regular basis. Last week one of our subcontractors sent a couple of guys out to work on a project. I'm familiar with them all as they come several times a ...
A. 16 May 2016: Its two different things to give away a hug, and have your breasts felt up! She agreed to a hug, not to have her breasts squeezed up against him and then have her breasts commented on and judged on firmness!
I also agree to hugs from people I... (read in full...)
Less sex than before. Yet this extreme reaction to my complaint? What should I do now ?
Q. I been with my boyfriend for 10 years over the past year our sex has dropped down to 2-3 times a month. He thinks he has control over when we do have sex of weather we have it or not. Last week I tried getting him to have sex on two nights back to ...
A. 16 May 2016: Think of it this way. Sex is often a reflection on the relationship. If the relationship is going downhill, the sex will in most cases be the first place where it is visible. The sex has dramatically changed over the last year, and he masturbates ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to report him for his inappropriate behaviour?
Q. I work in a male dominated industry. There are a number of subcontractors we work with on a regular basis. Last week one of our subcontractors sent a couple of guys out to work on a project. I'm familiar with them all as they come several times a ...
A. 16 May 2016: I think you feel guilty because this is yoru first time standing up for yourself and saying "no". You are unsure of the consequences and you want to be a nice person, and you are worried that this will make you seem like you are not a nice person. ... (read in full...)
Why am I selfish because I want romance but no sex?
Q. I think I am asexual. Now I had sex before and I didn't like it. But that's the problem, I hear "you did it before so you must've liked it" and "you just weren't w the right person" no. I just really hate sex and oral. But I like dating and romance. ...
A. 15 May 2016: They don't hate you. You were just running into people who are not right for you.... (read in full...)
I don't know how to react or show emotions.
Q. What is up with me? I tend not to respond emotionally to situations but to think about the best way to respond. Recently my brother called to tell me my nephew was involved in a road accident, i was at work at the time. I asked a couple of question...
A. 14 May 2016: You know what is up with you. You even go to therapy for it, and I don't think what you experienced growing up is something you should "get over". It made an impact on you, it's a question of learning to live with, not learning to forget/get over. ... (read in full...)
How do I turn down men who want my number?
Q. This happens all the time. I talk to a man on the bus, in class or in a checkout line or wherever and they want my number. So then I have to awkwardly turn him down bc I have a boyfriend or if I don't, I have to make one up. Even more awkward is ...
A. 14 May 2016: Maybe you need to stop being friendly and talking to people. I know it sounds awful, but it appears to the the cause of the problem. They appear to be asking for your number simply because you speak to them. Some people might see that as you ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with this? His intelligence is eroding my self confidence
Q. I've been married to a man for 10 years. And who is extremely intelligent. I consider him to be a genius because he has an incredible ability to learn and retain new information and skills which far surpasses any other human I've met. This could be...
A. 12 May 2016: Dont compare yourself to anyone. Otherwise you will always find someone who does something better. Life is not a competition of who is best. A the end of life there is no award show for greatest accomplishments. We all end up dead the same way. ... (read in full...)
What age is too old to have a baby? 40? 41? 42? Or beyond?
Q. Is 40 (me) and 43 (my husband) too old to have a baby? We both have kids from previous relationships but I would really love for us to have a child together. He has hinted that he thinks we're too old. I don't. We have talked briefly about it at the ...
A. 11 May 2016: You are too old when you can no longer conceive or carry a baby until full term. If you get pregnant and have a baby, then no matter what age you are, you were obviously not too old.... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend tell me he was with his mom all day when he actually went out without her?
Q. Hello. I need your help in figuring out my boyfriend's actions today. Here is what happened. I texted him this morning at around 11. I said "good morning" to him like usual. But there was no reply. Usually he replies pretty quickly. I th...
A. 11 May 2016: ... Couldn't he have been out with his mom and then gone home without her???
I think this sounds like a bit too much drama over nothing. Has there been any other episodes that makes you question his truthfulness? This seems like such a little t... (read in full...)
Am I being reasonable or unreasonable? Needy or too needy?
Q. Am I being too needy? I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. My boyfriend is a great guy and always makes time for his work, hobbies, friends, parents, siblings and one or twice a week me. However my precence, to him, counts as quality time ...
A. 11 May 2016: I forgot to add: This is the type of thing that tends to break a relationship. You can only survive with such a core difference for a while, and then it wears thin and you end up resenting one another. Being compatible is everything. If you speak ... (read in full...)
Am I being reasonable or unreasonable? Needy or too needy?
Q. Am I being too needy? I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable. My boyfriend is a great guy and always makes time for his work, hobbies, friends, parents, siblings and one or twice a week me. However my precence, to him, counts as quality time ...
A. 11 May 2016: People have different needs for contact and quality time. Your need is different from his, that's all there is to it, really. He doesn't do this to be mean to you, or because you don't matter to him. But spending time alone with you just isn't as ... (read in full...)
Is my nudity, inside my own home, in front of my 44 year old stepdaughter, OK or not?
Q. My wife and I are in our late 60's - just average people except that we like to be nude at home when it is warm enough. Now my 44 year old step daughter is living with us and strongly objects to me being naked even though it is my house. Her mo...
A. 11 May 2016: Yes, it's your own home, but we still don't live alone in the world. You will get further ahead with happiness and general easiness of life if you consider the other people who live with you in this world.
I agree that walking around in the nude... (read in full...)
I love him but he doesn't speak English well and the sex is disappointing!
Q. Hi Agony Aunts, I'm having a difficult time at the moment. I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now - he's so nice, truly loves me and never does me wrong. He's honestly a gentleman and I do love him. However, we don't even speak the sam...
A. 7 May 2016: ... If you are unsure, then why are you planning to go to his country to meet his family? What is the purpose of that?
Language barrier can be real troublesome. I have had a 3 boyfriends from other countries, who I experienced varying language... (read in full...)
Can I possibly work things out with my guy? Or am I with the wrong guy?
Q. Dear Cupid! I am currently in a relationship with my guy for 4 years and from the beginning of the relationship I was not sure if he's the guy for me but I ignored the feeling cause I'm not a risk taker and was scared to be alone. Now we have come...
A. 7 May 2016: Why do you need to be in a relationship? What is so scary about being single? Jumping from one guy to the next is never a good idea. It doesn't give you time to think, and you end up with the same poor relationship as before, just jumping from one ... (read in full...)
Am I being paranoid? Or should I be wary of her intentions towards my Bf? What should I do?
Q. I have been seeing my Housing Officer for about a year now. We have kept it hidden as he would lose his job if it came out. He's a Housing Officer for our Local Council and I'm a Tenant under the Council. So big no no in his books. I really like him...
A. 7 May 2016: You are paranoid, and your friend only goes by the info you have given her. You are dating in secret, how is she supposed to know you have a relationship of a year already? She is blunt, but probably just asked because, as you said, this ... (read in full...)
A week after our second date she has sex with someone then texts me making small talk unaware that I know about it. What does she want?
Q. I recently went out with a girl whom we share mutual friends. I kissed her goodnight and later on she texted me what a pleasant time she had. The next day I texted her something about wanting to kiss her again before some party we were both invited ...
A. 7 May 2016: Oh jeez, don't go all "mr nice guy" on us. It's not like she owed you anything just because you opened the car door for her. You weren't exclusive, she was free to date and have sex with whomever she wanted. The "fault" here is that you didn't state ... (read in full...)
A week after our second date she has sex with someone then texts me making small talk unaware that I know about it. What does she want?
Q. I recently went out with a girl whom we share mutual friends. I kissed her goodnight and later on she texted me what a pleasant time she had. The next day I texted her something about wanting to kiss her again before some party we were both invited ...
A. 7 May 2016: Her deal? Youre not stupid, you know the deal. She dates multiple men at the same time, has a need for sex, and if you ask me, that would have been you sleeping with her if you hadnt decided to blow her off. But what about you, what is your deal? At ... (read in full...)
I'm not Barbie enough. What's the answer?
Q. Hi, I know this sounds like a stupid question but I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is obsessed with Barbie type looking women. If a woman with long blonde hair walks past he stares at her till she's out of sight. I'm the opposite with ...
A. 7 May 2016: I also have a type, but that does not mean I glare or stare at them until they are out of sight!
You need to get that him having a certain "type" he likes, has nothing to do with him being RUDE. Oogling other women is RUDE. I promise you, he'd sti... (read in full...)
My fiance gave me the engagement ring his former fiance wore!
Q. At the risk of sounding like a spoilt brat here- which I assure you I'm not, I'd like some opinions. I got engaged 2 weeks ago and have been with my fiancé for almost 4 years. If I'm honest I wasn't keen on the ring- it was pretty but too ...
A. 7 May 2016: Im thinking... this is a sort of big deal. Any normal person gets this, that this isn't acceptable. I mean, here we are debate whether or not it's even acceptable for a woman to wear jewelry given to her by another man, and the line is blurry and ... (read in full...)
My fiance gave me the engagement ring his former fiance wore!
Q. At the risk of sounding like a spoilt brat here- which I assure you I'm not, I'd like some opinions. I got engaged 2 weeks ago and have been with my fiancé for almost 4 years. If I'm honest I wasn't keen on the ring- it was pretty but too ...
A. 7 May 2016: Its a reflection on him being cheap. ... (read in full...)
Money issues are driving a wedge between us. Am I being selfish or childish over this?
Q. Hi there, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and we live together. Six months ago he quit his part-time cafe job so that he could focus all his energy on starting his programming career. While I know he is definitely looking for a jo...
A. 5 May 2016: But IvyBlue, the commitment you feel or have an opinion about in this case, is not put down on paper. Whilst SHE fight feel obligated to contribute financially as if they were married, HE might not! And strictly speaking, no matter how many years ... (read in full...)
She’s annoyed that my parents won’t allow us to spend the night in the same bed! What should I say to her?
Q. Hello, I've been seeing this girl for around 1 month and a half. We are both 19 and Last week i stayed over at hers and everything is fine and we stayed in her room in her bed. She is due to come over and stay at mine but she will be sleeping...
A. 5 May 2016: Tell her to not come over.
It just leads to fighting, and the situation is at a lock down. The arguing parties are not you and her, it's her and your parents. So my advice to you is to not bring her around your parents. Not unless you WANT to ... (read in full...)
Has anyone here fallen in love with a married man?
Q. Has anyone in this group never fallen in love with a married man and decided to stay on the side in case he leaves his wife? If yes did he ever leave his wife? Is it a possibility that he may leave his wife?...
A. 5 May 2016: Why would he leave his wife?
If he wanted to leave in order to get another woman... well, he doesn't have to, because he already has another woman who doesn't mind that he is married.
If he wants to leave because he dislikes his wife... well... (read in full...)
Money issues are driving a wedge between us. Am I being selfish or childish over this?
Q. Hi there, I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and we live together. Six months ago he quit his part-time cafe job so that he could focus all his energy on starting his programming career. While I know he is definitely looking for a jo...
A. 4 May 2016: You are not married. So stop this right this minute. You are not married, you should not under any circumstance share finances! Your money is to be spent on YOU and your debt and YOUR bills, not his. If he can not afford to pay his way, then he ... (read in full...)
How soon is too soon to go on a trip together? I'm a virgin.
Q. I've been seeing someone for 3 weeks, seven dates, and we speak daily. Our connection is amazing and we share everything. However one subject we haven't mentioned is sex. I went to his place once and we didn't do anything physical except kiss. Just ...
A. 4 May 2016: Go on the trip if you want to. A trip doesn't equal sex. Just go, enjoy, and if the question of sex comes up by itself (or he makes obvious advances) you just tell him you believe in waiting for exclusivity before going further.
Or just ask for ... (read in full...)
Shouldn’t we be going at it like rabbits?
Q. Hi , I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now , and our sex life is almost none existent, maybe once every two weeks. She is 19 and I'm 23 , shouldn't we be at it like rabbits ? We used to be very active , we used to buy all sorts of ...
A. 4 May 2016: BTW, this "honeymoon" phase that people talk about it something that only happens for people with a low sex drive. People with low sex drive will experience a sudden desire for more sex, more often, when they are in a new relationship. It's hormones ... (read in full...)
Shouldn’t we be going at it like rabbits?
Q. Hi , I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now , and our sex life is almost none existent, maybe once every two weeks. She is 19 and I'm 23 , shouldn't we be at it like rabbits ? We used to be very active , we used to buy all sorts of ...
A. 4 May 2016: It's nothing to do with you, some people just aren't that interested in sex! It's hard to believe, because we automatically think everyone is like us, and crave as much as (or as little). But the reality is that people have different needs. Some are ... (read in full...)
If you've already had sex, then which do you think is better - Affection or Sex?
Q. I don't think I want to have sex. I thought I did and I was getting ready to lose my v card soon. But every time I think about sex...I'd say ninety percent of the reason I'd have it is because the guy wants it. I know it sounds stereotypical bu...
A. 3 May 2016: Serpico, I am a woman who can separate love and sex, and let me tell you... Men are NOT good at it. They pretend to, but it's all for show. Almost all of the guys I had a casual hook-up with came coming back wanting more, and I DON'T mean just sex. ... (read in full...)
If you've already had sex, then which do you think is better - Affection or Sex?
Q. I don't think I want to have sex. I thought I did and I was getting ready to lose my v card soon. But every time I think about sex...I'd say ninety percent of the reason I'd have it is because the guy wants it. I know it sounds stereotypical bu...
A. 2 May 2016: Affection. Sex IS affection for most people, though. Only a very few can separate sex and love. So I don't see it as unusual or odd at all that you are currently more interested in romance. Romance comes first, kissing comes first, and then after a ... (read in full...)
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