A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing someone for 3 weeks, seven dates, and we speak daily. Our connection is amazing and we share everything. However one subject we haven't mentioned is sex. I went to his place once and we didn't do anything physical except kiss. Just cuddled and watched a movie, which was a pleasant surprise. We are in NYC and he's going to LA in a month for a business trip. He hinted via text for me to join him to which I replied "haha sure" to see how he would proceed or if he'll plan something. He talked a bit about dates and flights before we said goodnight just now. He's obviously serious about the trip but I'm wondering if it's too soon. In one months time I think it would be okay but right now there's too things on my mind - we haven't talked about being exclusive, and I'm a virgin which he doesn't know yet. Although he's very respectful and knowing me/us, I'm sure he has an idea that I likely am. What are everyone's thoughts and opinions on this? IF I do go I will definitely discuss our expectations first. But does anyone think it's too soon to be planning this? My friends think he just wants sex but why travel for it? I'm not concerned about losing my virginity but want to be exclusive first. However it seems awkwardly timed to bring it up. The trip in question will be 5-6 days including flight time so 3-4 days of actual vacation time.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (6 May 2016):
 to piggyback off of chigirl, I would be pretty transparent about your position on the whole sex thing. If he's a good guy, he'll totally get it and understand and have zero expectations for sex. If he's not, he may change his mind, or get angry, etc. Either way, it's good to prime someone on what your expectations are, so they can either get on that page with you or you learn what kind of person they are.
My general feeling is not to do it, because you don't know what kind of person he is yet and you're stuck with him in close quarters and many nights where you could be taken advantage of or you could be talked into compromising on stuff you're not ready to do yet. It's not especially safe. However, like aunt honesty, I also went on a trip-basically as a first date!- things went too fast for me and I regretted it. Nothing wrong with taking your time, just be sure he knows that.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 Go on the trip if you want to. A trip doesn't equal sex. Just go, enjoy, and if the question of sex comes up by itself (or he makes obvious advances) you just tell him you believe in waiting for exclusivity before going further.
Or just ask for separate bedrooms. That should send him the hint.
Or, tell him you are thankful for the invitation, maybe next time? No reason to explain anything to him at all.
But if it was me, and I wanted to go, I'd go. And then I'd not have sex with the guy, simple as that. You don't owe him anything.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 I wouldn’t be so naïve to think after 3 weeks there’s this amazing connection. However IF you're not concerned about loosing your virginity, then GO to L.A. But your friends are right, and if he’s paying for your flight or not, then rest assured he’ll want his moneys worth regardless?
To be exclusive it does take a lot longer than 3 weeks and 7 dates with someone. I suggest he romance you a lot longer in your own city, instead of luring you to the other side of the country where you’ll be vulnerable, like a fish caught in his net.
I also suspect his days will be filled with business commitments, as it is a business trip after all, but he may be wanting nights filled with exclusive passage rather than kissing on the couch?
For now it would seem bad timing because you haven’t talked face to face and it’s still early days to be exclusive.
Take Care – CAA
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 I say follow your heart. Yes it might be quite soon to go away with this man but you have to make your own choices in life. I could say yes it is to soon and don't go away with him, but I would be a hypocrite, because I took that chance once after a couple of weeks and I am still with that guy to this day. So yes it could work. You might end up being together and being happy, or else the other side could happen and it does not work out.
If you are worried it is a hook up he is looking for then talk to him about it and tell him your boundaries, I also think if you do go away with him, before booking anything you need to tell him that you are a virgin.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 May 2016):
 Yes, I think it's WAY too soon for travelling and personally, for sex.
If you feel you are ready, then talk exclusivity FIRST. I know after 7 dates you feel you know him, but honestly... you don't.
Sure, if he JUST wanted sex he could wine and dine you in NY, but on the other hand flying you out to LA you are 100% at his "mercy" at all times there.
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