A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing someone recently We met in the old fashioned way, no internet involved ;) . We are still in the getting to know each other phase and I'm sure we'll move to the next level soon. I really like the fact that we're are not rushing into anything. He's divorced with kids and is serious and responsible.So my new boyfriend to be, is a dentist. He's really the best in town (we live in a small town) and my ex-husband wants to take an appointment with him. He doesn't need me to do it, but he did say to me that he really needs to see this dentist urgently.Now, why is this a problem? Well, my ex is a helluva package. Tall, blond, blue-eyed, muscular... in one word photoshopped. He can be really charming when he wants to be. I've seen women and men hypnotized by him. I mean you really have to KNOW him well to understand why I left him and I won't go there now. Suffice to say that I have NEVER regretted it. And I don't go around bad mouthing him. I never complained and I certainly didn't cry on this new guy's shoulder.I worry a bit that my bf might feel threatened. I mean, he's handsome, charming (for real not just when he wants to be), compassionate... and I find him insanely attractive. I wouldn't want him to think that he's not good enough. And I've seen my ex do just that to other men.In the end I used to hate how differently people would look at me when they found out that *he* was my husband. All of a sudden my "value" would go up. Some women would even ask (I mean why would anyone think that let alone say it!) how I managed to get him! And my best friend thinks that bf to be meeting my ex might be a good thing in that regard. And then we both laugh...I don't know what to do. I was thinking of asking around for another dentist and advise my ex to go there :) I mean, if he's dead set on meeting someone I am interested in there's nothing I can do, I just wish it could happen later not nowAm I overthinking this?
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best friend, divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2016): Chigirl thank you for your reply.
I haven't given many information on my ex, but I tend to agree with what other aunts have said. His attempts to see the dentists I've been seeing privately have nothing to do with dental care.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 May 2016):
 Over thinking. If he wants to see a dentist, let him. I don't see how that is any of your business though, why did your ex even brig you into this discussion?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2016): I am the OP.
Thank you so much for your replies!!!
In a way I am glad that I am not overreacting and that my gut feeling was right. I really don't want my ex meeting my new bf right now.
We're in contact because we still own a business together. That's the side of our relationship that always worked well somehow. But, I am getting out of that part of the deal too. I really want him out of my life. I don't call him EVER, I just send/forward him business emails. Fortunately there's nothing in our work that requires face to face communication.
Btw, Anonymous writing that I left him because he was controlling is right. That's why I left. And because some other things. I was screwed up enough to marry him but not enough to stay married to him.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 May 2016):
 Why is your ex still a part of your life and why does he know details of who you're seeing? He's an ex for a reason and that means you shouldn't be talking to him except when children or finances are involved. The fact that he knows about your personal life means that he knows a little too much already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2016): Reading between the lines you left because your ex was controlling. He is still controlling you by messing with our relationships, you need to cut all contact, and tell your new boyfriend if it becomes necessary, that your ex is controlling and keeps trying to re-assert himself in your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 Nope Nope Nope.
1. I wouldn't set up an emergency appointment for him.
2. I'd stop talking to him if possible, I understand if there are kids involved that can be tricky. In that case, just stick to talking about the kids. Nothing else.
3. It's a little creepy. Even if your new BF is the "best" around, I find it odd that your EX all of a sudden wants to use THAT dentist over whichever he has used before.Just like doctors, people tend to stick to the same dentist or at least clinic.
4. I would avoid further involvement. You don't owe the ex any favors.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 I wonder why you and your ex are even in contact? Should he not be left in the past? Tell him to find his own dentist.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (19 May 2016):
 No, your ex should not visit your new boyfriend for dental work. Weird, reeks of an agenda, potential problems.
Please instruct him to find his own. Don't do this for him, it's totally inappropriate. You're not his secretary or his personal assistant. What would you think if your boyfriend were running these kinds of errands for his ex?
Leave the ex in the past.
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