A
female
age
41-50,
*licia
writes:Has anyone in this group never fallen in love with a married man and decided to stay on the side in case he leaves his wife? If yes did he ever leave his wife? Is it a possibility that he may leave his wife?
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female
reader, Dionee' +, writes (6 May 2016):
 To be honest, It seldom sways towards the wishes of the mistress. She usually stays on the sidelines hoping to God that she gets the man. Let's say that she does (us being hopeful), the part of the mistress is now open again . . . You become the main, while he's open to a side. God doesn't bless a mess.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2016): Continue reading DC and draw your own conclusions.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2016): I didn't leave my husband for my now fiancé but he did get divorce just for me. He is a great guy and father, very responsible but he didn't love his wife from the day 1st and his marriage was arranged. It took us 3 years to get divorce.I do love him but not az crazy az he does love me. The guy has it all , it is a dream come true but let me tell you something just run! it doesn't worth the pain. I have no interest no peace of mind. I'm a different person I even can't imagine myself in another marriage and afraid to tell him after these sacrifices. I was not someone who can go trough this. I had some problem in my marriage but I gave up, my ex cried for 1 year and still does. I can't get over the pain I wish I would stay and fix it rather than divorce. Please please don't play with fire you dont have any idea how many people will get hurt. Even if the guy is a God it doesn't worth it trust me!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 May 2016):
 Why would he leave his wife?
If he wanted to leave in order to get another woman... well, he doesn't have to, because he already has another woman who doesn't mind that he is married.
If he wants to leave because he dislikes his wife... well, then he would have left already.
A man who claims to be unhappy, yet does not leave his wife, is a man who will never leave his wife. Especially not if he can have a second woman on the side without having to leave his wife first. There would be no reason for him to leave.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (5 May 2016):
 I am sure that there are situations where a married man will leave his wife for his mistress but I believe they are few and far between. Most men are not going to give up the security of their wife, their home and their family for a little "piece on the side". A mistress is usually their dessert but they don't want dessert all the time. They have invested far too much into their marriage to let an angry wife take 1/2 of everything!
My best friend was a mistress for 7 years to a married man, a man the same age as our fathers. I can't tell you how many nights/weekends and holidays she sat alone by the phone, waiting for him to call. The clandestine meetings, the secret little trips away..the phone hang ups because his wife answered the phone...
My friend really loved this man and wouldn't listen to anything bad about him. She was a very pretty girl and could have had her choice of men. The wife knew about her, the whole town knew about the affair!
My friend accidentally got pregnant and thought for sure the man would leave to be with her. Do you know what he did? He offered her money for an abortion..he didn't want the child. That is what finally woke my friend up! The man had had numerous affairs over the course of his marriage and his wife turned a blind eye because she knew he would never leave her. He never did. They stayed married for over 50 years.
If you are writing this post about yourself...do yourself a favor and respect yourself enough to want someone who can give ALL of themself to you..not just a few stolen hours here and there or someday you will wake up old and alone and wondering where your life went while the man is sitting with his wife enjoying his grandkids. Get smart honey..get out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2016): All the posters are right. Most of the time IT NEVER HAPPENS.However, my sisters was married when she fell in love with a married man. He too was in love with her. But they never cheated on their spouses. She never pretended that she didn't care for him, she just draw the line and never became his mistress. (I'm not sure but I think that he too wasn't keen on cheating). Anyway, they got to know each other well over time, ended their marriages and moved in together. They are married and have kids now.But, as you may see she has never been his mistress. So I don't know if this testimony counts...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2016): I have been in a relationship with a married man for almost 3 years.It started out as fun and games. He told me point blank from the very beginning that I will never have a commitment from him as he is a married man and not seeking to replace his wife. He told me that after 23 years married, they have simply become roommates and he is missing a passionate and sexual connection in his life. That is what I was to provide for him.We all make choices and I do not agree with some of the posters that your choice is necessarily shameful if you are a mistress. If you are able to deal with this choice and status and the position you have placed yourself in and are happy with this, then there is no shame in that. Do not let other people's judgments and views cloud your own. Nobody in this world is perfect and we are all free to make our own choices and be responsible for those choices. But remember that you cannot live in la la land with this choice. Keep your feet grounded in reality. It is an affair. It is not true love. It is primarily sexual. It will one day end. Now, being a mistress is not for the faint hearted. It is not easy despite the beautiful fantasy of it all and the fact you feel you cannot keep your hands off each other and have this grand love affair going on. It sure seems that way for a while until the fog lifts and you have come back to your senses. Many affairs fizzle once reality hits. Some never even last that long. Most in fact don't. But one's like mine that have gone on for this long have continued because I allowed it. I fell in love with him and couldn't let him go. I still can't. Ours is rare. We have become friends. We have an emotional connection (maybe I have more of one than he does) and even after all this time, the sex is fantastic. He cannot let me go because he cannot stand the pain of being apart. I feel the same way. Yes, we both know it is not morally right. We both know we are hurting other people but we can't let each other go. Me because of my feelings mostly and him because of the sexual chemistry we share. The married man has so much to lose and we all know this. His reputation, his family, his financial status etc. Leaving a marriage is a big unknown. He is not willing to risk it all on the unknown (mistress) when he has a proven commodity in his wife, who is his life companion and has been for years. However, the wife cannot give him the passionate relationship they once had after all those years together. That is typical of any relationship. He seeks out the mistress to feel whole again, alive, young, sexually engaged. He is seeking the spark he is missing with his wife. Perhaps eventually that spark will also become familiar with the mistress. She cannot possibly keep the fantasy alive forever. Nobody can. And she will constantly worry that she will someday lose his attention. She will worry constantly that he will leave her at any given time. She has no safety net and her insecurities and anxieties eat away at her core. Constantly. It takes the joy and excitement away from the affair. And eventually the pain surpasses all else. The pain that he does not love her, that he will never leave his wife for her, that she is and never will be a priority to him... that she is always desperate for his attention but he cannot give it to her freely. She will get tired of this. Tired of him looking at his watch when they are together. Tired of pretending to hide their relationship to those who know them. Tired of him not being there for her when she wants to talk about her problems or her day. Tired of being ALONE. Because that is what she really is. All alone in this relationship. And there is nothing worse.So, if you are strong, can handle being independent and having your own life and realizing what the score is, you can have an affair. If you are a clingy type that is emotional and expects him to devote his attention and time to you, then an affair is only going to destroy your emotional well being. I would caution against it. He is not your boyfriend. He is your lover. He is borrowed. Not yours. And you must kiss him good bye and let him go until it's time again. He is not part of your life. He has a life with his wife and family. You will never be happy with this. Even if you lie to yourself. My lover told me that he would leave his wife for me one time. I think he was serious. But he is not a gambling man. He has too much to lose. But he still does not want to lose me. Which is how most married men operate. With a wife AND a mistress. They want the best of both worlds. They do not want to lose either one. If you think about it, he is the one getting everything he needs. You aren't. You are only going to resent him in time for not being the man you want and need. He cannot and will not ever step up to the plate.Yes, there are men who leave their wives/families for the mistress and go on to marry her. It happens. Some of those marriages last and others do not. Every situation is different. But odds are he won't leave her. Most do not. The ones who do are few. And could you live with the fact that he could leave his wife for you? You would always worry he would someday leave you too for another woman. The biggest problem in your relationship hands down would be TRUST and trust issues would ruin it eventually. You will never be able to trust him. I guarantee you that. NEVER.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2016): My nan's brother had a mistress for 25years or something literally his entire marriage. He never left his wife and kids but im sure they must have known about the affair and just not cared.When the mistress died she left her house to him in her will he used it as inheritance for his wife and kids. My nan felt sorry for her that she wasted all her life waiting for him,she never had children or married.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2016): I agree with the previous comments but have to say that I know a few women who have been left by there husbands and some of them even had small children. I really think it depends on the man
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 May 2016):
 Married men never leave their wives. I know of a man in my town who's older than my father and had been having an affair for donkey's years and guess what? He's still with his wife.
You'll always be the mistress, you'll be looked down upon, ostracized, laughed at, ridiculed and if you're unmarried, no one's ever going to want to marry you. If you're married then you're making your life a living hell.
Go for a guy who's single. Don't ever make this mistake. Married men are taken. Don't mess with them.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 May 2016):
 My aunt did. She waited 25 years for him to leave his wife. He didn't. He died. The wife was comforted and permitted to grieve as a widow.
My aunt was not. she mourned her loss alone in her apartment with her shame of being a mistress to comfort her.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (5 May 2016):
 Whilst you've not written that YOU are the person asking the questions, i suspect it's you, hence my writing all i've written.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (5 May 2016):
I am absolutely surprised by your entire comment!
The fact that you would write to D/C asking such a question, is beyond my comprehension.
Put it this way, for somebody of your age group to be asking such a question, makes you appear very naive, quite disrespectful and irresponsible.
If YOU were married to a man that you loved deeply (and i don't mean to a man that's already taken), how would you like to find out that he has a secret admirer?
Oh and not just any secret admirer, but one who is actually waiting and hoping that he'll leave his wife, YOU!
I ask you, how can you say this and feel no guilt, shame, nor remorse?
You are in love with a married man and yet you are hoping and expecting that he'll some day dump on and divorce his wife for you.
I wonder how his wife would feel and what she'd say to you, upon finding out about your wishes?
Dare i say, you'd be running at 100 miles per hour!
I will strongly advise you, to start wearing your respectful and logical thinking cap and stop with the obssession and an impossible wish.
Find yourself a single guy, a guy with no commitment under his belt and no strings attached, but do not, for the sake of this man and his family, behave in a disrespectful way toward he and his wife, his family.
If he has given you a reason to "assume" that he's interested in you, throw that thought away.
He most probably looks at you and secretly thinks you're behaviour is cheap, because he knows that you know he's married, yet you can't get enough of him.
If he was remotely interested in you, it'd be to flirt and that's about it, possibly even casual sex, but i can assure you, if he's still with his wife, he's very content, committed and happy with her, otherwise he'd have left her already, even before you appeared on the scene.
He will never leave his wife for you, because the loss for him would be way too high.
You know the old adage,
A man who is married and also has a mistress, most likely loses everything in the end, both his wife and his mistress.
It's a no win situation for him, so he won't be silly nor foolish enough to risk it.
Do you want to be branded, "the marriage breaker", or even worse?
Please show some dignity and self-respect. This is what makes you a decent being and right now, you are not behaving decently.
Forget the grandiose illusion, that this man will leave his wife to be with you.
Also, the most important thing you must remember about what you are doing and about men is that, if this man was to dump on his wife for you, what next?
What does this say about him too? What it says is that he is a guy who shows little to no respect for the commitment he made to his wife and if he can leave his marriage/wife, then he can leave any woman, including you!
Do you really want to be with a man who has no proper morals or principles.
A beautiful marriage is expected to last and you wouldn't want to be the one who was partly at fault for his marriage break up, would you?
Even if he left his wife of his own free will, why would you want anything remotely, to do with a newly divorced man?
It makes no sense at all, not to mention all the emotions involved and financial stresses involved from his seperation/divorce, especially if there are innocent children involved.
Play it smart, behave your age and don't waste your time. Get over him and move on, leaving your heart free and open to new love with a single guy, not a married, committed guy.
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