| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control
Q. (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...
A. 25 April 2016: "When you discuss with your own brain, the audience always finds you right"
This is spot on.
"So what should I do now? I missed something awesome when I was young"
Realize that you only feel this way because of the belief system you have a... (read in full...)
Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control
Q. (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...
A. 25 April 2016: Yes, he must abandon the belief system. When suffering from any OCD, you have the compulsive disorder because you believe something will go terribly wrong if you fail to do what you must do. So there again, you see a belief system that favours the ... (read in full...)
Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control
Q. (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...
A. 24 April 2016: BTW, to Tisha, I believe he is only repeating these lines/lies because they are what builds up his belief system. Without these beliefs, his jealousy will die, as it needs these lies to live. Like with an OCD or like with any obsession.
Feeli... (read in full...)
Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control
Q. (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...
A. 24 April 2016: Hi again OP, thanks for following up.
Women and men are not different, mentally. Only physically. Women remember, and attach as much emphasis, on sex as any man. Part of fighting for equality for women has in a large degree also been about fi... (read in full...)
Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control
Q. (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...
A. 24 April 2016: Ah, sorry, wrote my looong reply, and see your follow-up now only after already posting.
In response to your follow-up. Your frustrations are legitimized through the ideas you list up. Ideas of a womans value being higher when young and, as a res... (read in full...)
Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control
Q. (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...
A. 24 April 2016: Im going to start writing my answer without a reply from you, but it would be helpful if you answered how many partners you have been with yourself and if this is a problem you have had all your life or if it just started with your current ... (read in full...)
Please please help me! Retroactive jealousy is driving me insane and it's getting out of control
Q. (Ps. English is not my mother tongue so I apologize for the grammar errors etc..) Hello; It's been more than a year since I started to date my girlfriend (fiancee). Unfortunately I'm in the claws of retroactive jealousy. I guess there is not a...
A. 24 April 2016: Can you tell me first, how many women have you been with? And is this the first time you experience jealousy?... (read in full...)
How many women get pregnant because they hate their jobs?
Q. Im curious what people reckon is the proportion of women that have a baby because they don't want to work (or hate their job)?...
A. 23 April 2016: I think it's none. If a woman does not like her job, she finds a new one. Women are smarter than you give them credit for. And yes, I realize you too are a woman, so all the worse. ... (read in full...)
Am I a rebound? I'm concerned about his continued contact with his ex.
Q. Hi dearcupid, I have been dating a pretty nice guy for the last few months. Everything seems pretty good except I'm concerned about something. I'm not sure if I have a right to be concerned. What I'm concerned about is he is still in frequen...
A. 23 April 2016: Yes, rebound. Although from what you describe I do not think he is a mean guy, and I am not sure he's fully aware of what he is doing. But I do believe he is (whether fully aware of it or not) using you to get over her. I don't think he wants to be ... (read in full...)
Ladies: Can you sleep with someone for 6 month and have no attachment?
Q. Question for the women. Can you sleep with the same person for nearly six months and have no attachment to them? Is it likely? I've been sleeping with the same girl for that span of time in a fwb situation. We spend the night weekly and talk ...
A. 23 April 2016: This is not about what ladies are capable of versus what men are capable of. This is about how many people, both male and female, are capable of separating sex from love. Not many can do this. I rarely meet any men who can do it, and I rarely meet ... (read in full...)
I no longer want to see my LDR boyfriend and he's talking about moving in together!
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I have visited each other on a very regular basis up until the beginning of this year when I took on a new job that doesn't allow much time off. I've only seen him once this year, back in Febru...
A. 23 April 2016: You know it, the relationship is over for you. It was nice and sweet and enjoyable, but now you are ready for something else in your life. You want to use your vacations on something else than just spend time with him.
Everything has it's sea... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend's Doberman comes first. It's making me miserable. What do I do?
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have a 1 yr old son. The problem is when me and my boyfriend met he had a Doberman but the problem is he treats the dog better than me. He takes the dog everywhere with me. The dog can do no wrong. T...
A. 22 April 2016: A neighbor of mine had two Dobermans, and they listen to my commands when we meet them outside. Granted, I do come with treats as I use them to train my own dog, but the Dobermans will do as I say. So I don't recognize the thing about the dog only ... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend's Doberman comes first. It's making me miserable. What do I do?
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have a 1 yr old son. The problem is when me and my boyfriend met he had a Doberman but the problem is he treats the dog better than me. He takes the dog everywhere with me. The dog can do no wrong. T...
A. 22 April 2016: You can't ever make anyone do something. That's the key thing to understand here. You can ask, but they might not want to do it still. I am sure you have already asked your boyfriend about treating the dog differently, or at least adjusting things ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about his comment? Makes me worry about his bisexual side!
Q. Last August I befriended this guy. We remained friends until December, that's when we both admitted they we were attracted to each other and decided to see where things lead too. The thing he is bisexual, I have no problems with this because I am an ...
A. 21 April 2016: That's a lie about bisexuals, and really offensive too. So just because I am a bisexual, Im supposed to not be able to be faithful? What if someone said that about you, that just because you're a woman you can't keep your pants on and will cheat on ... (read in full...)
My partner or my daughter? I feel so very upset about what has happened. What should I do?
Q. I have lived with my partner for around 5 years. My daughter (now 24) lived with me....(or between my ex husband and her b/f's parents) She never paid any board money and rarely did any housework. (but that's my fault for letting her). We often ...
A. 21 April 2016: Why do you feel guilty? You let her stay with you for free for 5 years. And, it wasn't you who kicked her out, it was your partner. I remember my step-dad kicked me out of my MOTHERS house when I was 14. So if you ask me, your daughter gets no pity. ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about his comment? Makes me worry about his bisexual side!
Q. Last August I befriended this guy. We remained friends until December, that's when we both admitted they we were attracted to each other and decided to see where things lead too. The thing he is bisexual, I have no problems with this because I am an ...
A. 21 April 2016: I found this excellent how-to guide. Read it!
http://www.wikihow.com/Date-a-Bisexual-Person... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about his comment? Makes me worry about his bisexual side!
Q. Last August I befriended this guy. We remained friends until December, that's when we both admitted they we were attracted to each other and decided to see where things lead too. The thing he is bisexual, I have no problems with this because I am an ...
A. 20 April 2016: BTW, what "risks" are you taking being with him, exactly? Please, answer me on that one, Im dying to know. Because Im bisexual too, just curious to hear what sort of risk Im putting my partner through, and what sort of warning label I should stamp ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about his comment? Makes me worry about his bisexual side!
Q. Last August I befriended this guy. We remained friends until December, that's when we both admitted they we were attracted to each other and decided to see where things lead too. The thing he is bisexual, I have no problems with this because I am an ...
A. 20 April 2016: ... No, you should not be worried. Im a bit shocked that you even felt the need to ask this question.
What, just because he is bisexual you think he must want to jump on every dick he sees? Where did your "open-minded person" go?
If anything H... (read in full...)
Does anyone else think that D*cks and sex are overrated?
Q. Now that I've been with a few guys I realize how small guy's d*cks are. Like when he's pushing it in, it can kind of feel big but once you get used to it, it's just not a big deal. And long and short lengths don't make a difference. The ...
A. 20 April 2016: I don't think sex is overrated (you just haven't had any great sex yet, sweetie). I do agree that dicks are overrated, though. I guess they mean so much to men because they have such a close relationship with their dicks, but I guess you need to be ... (read in full...)
If I don't orgasm does that mean I was used for sex?
Q. I've been struggling with this idea lately. I want to lose my vaginal virginity, but I know I probably won't get off so...How do I deal with not getting off but knowing the guy will? I could probably come from oral...But I still wouldn't be gett...
A. 20 April 2016: Sex is good without an orgasm. But, if you don't think he will be interested in giving you oral, then don't do it with that particular man.
Btw, oral sex IS SEX TOO. You mean INTERCOURSE. Try to use the correct terms, because otherwise it comes... (read in full...)
We've been dating almost 7 months and he wants us to marry and move out of province
Q. I'm a single mom with two kids, a four year old daughter and six your old son. I've been dating a guy for almost 7 months. He is great with my kids and they adore him. Last night he proposed ! I was not expecting it at all and he even said he knew ...
A. 20 April 2016: I don't know why I can't remember to write everything in one post any longer, so here comes another post from me.
Like janniepeg said, marriage is not just about feelings. I would say that marriage is not about feelings at all, actually. There ne... (read in full...)
We've been dating almost 7 months and he wants us to marry and move out of province
Q. I'm a single mom with two kids, a four year old daughter and six your old son. I've been dating a guy for almost 7 months. He is great with my kids and they adore him. Last night he proposed ! I was not expecting it at all and he even said he knew ...
A. 20 April 2016: Too soon. If it was just you, Id say go for it, take the chance and enjoy life. But, it's not just you, you have the kids to think about as well. Moving them, only to be moving back or a third place soon after, is not good for them. 7 months is ... (read in full...)
How much does anal sex hurt?
Q. I have been with my husband since we were in high school and we both are extremely happily married. Our sex life is greatcoat nothing wild . He told me he would like to experiment a little but wants me to be 100% ok with it, (he's really respectful ...
A. 19 April 2016: Anal, as any sex, should NOT hurt! If it hurts you stop. The trick to doing anal is that you use a lot of lube and go sloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.
I can not emphasize enough how sloooooooooooooow you need to go. Like, so slow you don'... (read in full...)
My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...
A. 19 April 2016: Did she search for sexual massages? That is about the only thing here that I find odd. But then again, when searching for massages, these sorts of things can automatically pop up on almost any site. Are you sure it was in the search history, and not ... (read in full...)
Do I give him a chance? Boyfriend told ex girlfriend he still loves her
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. I know that's a short time but I really care about him and am happy with him. Last night I was hanging out at his place and he went out with a couple friends to go eat. I wasn't feeling good and...
A. 19 April 2016: PS. Imagine if it wasn't his ex he was romancing, but a completely new woman. Then we'd all be calling him a cheater, no doubt. But somehow we think just because she is an ex she this is somehow okay? He's in a relationship and he's chatting up ... (read in full...)
Do I give him a chance? Boyfriend told ex girlfriend he still loves her
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. I know that's a short time but I really care about him and am happy with him. Last night I was hanging out at his place and he went out with a couple friends to go eat. I wasn't feeling good and...
A. 19 April 2016: He is not over his ex yet, so that means he is not ready to be in a new relationship with you.
Not that loving your former partner in itself is a bad thing. I can admit to still carrying feelings for several of my former boyfriends, because ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for vaginal area skin to have darker pigmentation that the surrounding skin?
Q. I am a 20 yr old female who is Caucasian and my skin tone is quite pale. This is embarrassing but my outer vagina lips and also the area near my anus is a very dark brownish color. It's several shades darker than my inner thighs and the rest of ...
A. 18 April 2016: Yes.... (read in full...)
How can I help my LDR Bf who is constantly presenting as so negative and pessimistic about his life? He blames himself for everything
Q. My boyfriend of a year has recently been very negative about everything in life. He most likely isn't depressed and in all honesty there has been nothing tragic happening which could cause his pessimistic views on the world. (or rather from my ...
A. 18 April 2016: Depression isn't caused by actions that make everyone else think a person "deserves" to be depressed. So, honestly, just because you don't think he has a reason to be depressed, doesn't me he isn't!
The only one who can give a diagnosis is a psy... (read in full...)
Why would my ex sign my son's birthday card this way?
Q. Hi, This may be a strange question... my son who is 12 today, received a birthday card from his dad (my ex)that was signed with my ex's name instead of love Dad etc. In brackets next to my ex's name he has written in brackets 'your daddy'. He has n...
A. 18 April 2016: I think you are over-thinking things. Not everything should be analyzed and there are, more often than not, no secret or hidden messages behind the way one signs a car. ... (read in full...)
Would a guy stay with a woman who saves sex for marriage?
Q. Would guys still be with a girl waiting until marriage to have sex, but she'll do oral every day? And I know guys like to do oral back too, so I'd receive also. I'm not shy about my body, I just want to have sex with someone who will mean something ...
A. 18 April 2016: Of course you are allowed to want a close connection with a guy first. But again, what do you want exactly? If you want a relationship where you build up such a strong connection, and then eventually have intercourse, then you do just that. I don't ... (read in full...)
My wife is secretive about her new massage therapist
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me, my wife has booked a massage with a different masseur, but she is keeping it a secret from me. Should I be worried?...
A. 18 April 2016: What do you mean she is keeping it a secret from you? Had she lied to you about it? Has she gone out of her way to not let you know about her going to get a massage?
If he's just changed the person who gives her the massage, but she is not secr... (read in full...)
I always liked girls but I'm afraid I might be gay
Q. Hi everyone ! I would really appreciate some insight as I am clearly confused as to whats going on right now, driving me insane !!! So all my life I have liked girls, I remember plenty of crushes that ive had, from elementary - highschool and my l...
A. 18 April 2016: Lol, dude. Yeah, quit the weed for sure, because that stuff makes people dumb. And how about you at last pretend to respect women when you write in for advice?
No one can be force to be gay. If you dont luke dudes then you dont. I just dont see... (read in full...)
Am I being a controlling boyfriend?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years and we're finishing up college this year. We go to different schools but love each other so we've made it work long distance. The problem is that she's been partying a lot more. She traveled across ...
A. 18 April 2016: Yes, you are being controlling if you are trying to control what she does and with whom. If you are so opposed to her lifestyle, then you need to end the relationship. Trying to control her and act like you have the right to decide what she does, is ... (read in full...)
Any solutions possible? I have a difficult time trusting women because of a past ex
Q. This is a whole pretty complicated story, I'll try to explain it as quickly as I can. My mother has been putting a lot of pressure on me lately to start dating, especially since I've been out of college for a year. I want to be able to date,...
A. 17 April 2016: Sorry to say so, but you are a bit of a an over dramatizer. What you describe is not some awful story about how your heart was broken, nor is it a story of someone actually betraying you, or abusing you, or misusing you. You tried to approach a girl ... (read in full...)
Would a guy stay with a woman who saves sex for marriage?
Q. Would guys still be with a girl waiting until marriage to have sex, but she'll do oral every day? And I know guys like to do oral back too, so I'd receive also. I'm not shy about my body, I just want to have sex with someone who will mean something ...
A. 17 April 2016: oral sex IS sex. If you want to save yourself, then having loads of sex is not the way to go!
Anal sex, oral sex, you name it, it's all SEX! His genitals and your genitals = SEX. Whether you have intercourse or not is irrelevant, you're not savi... (read in full...)
Could this mean I'm not 'the one' for him?
Q. My fiance and I are getting along really well these days, however I recently keep thinking back to the first couple of months of our relationship over 3 years ago. It was very passionate and sexually charged. But my fiance at the time didn't want to ...
A. 17 April 2016: there is no such thing as "the one".... (read in full...)
Why do men like to ejaculate on their partner's body?
Q. Why do guys enjoy cumming on their partners body? Wouldn't it feel better for them to just leave it inside? My boyfriend almost always pulls out when we have sex and I end up with his sperm on my stomach and boobs. I don't hate it or anything, I ...
A. 17 April 2016: not all men like this, just some. why do people like different things... oh jeeezzz.... well it feels good to them i guess.... (read in full...)
Husband lied for four years about sleeping with my friend
Q. I have been with my husband for seven years this year, married for two. We have three children together. Two girls and a boy. 7, 4 and 9 months. I have a friend, we will call her Lee, and we started becoming friends about two years ago when she foun...
A. 16 April 2016: Ok, but still. Do you want to raise hell and ruin the lives of your children and everyone else around you, just so they can be in as much pain as you? Because that still will not make your own pain go away.
But sure, if revenge is what you want... (read in full...)
Found out I'm pregnant at 41 after a first date
Q. Please do not judge me , Im single and stable ,i went on a date with a guy we had a great date and planned to see each other again but he canceled the 2nd date saying he has issues and not ready to date. I have now found out im pregnant ( the condom ...
A. 15 April 2016: You can always try giving his name and old phone number to the police in order to track him down. Just because his number is disconnected, doesn't mean it's not got his address or name registered to it.
How did you meet this man? Can you find him... (read in full...)
How soon can I bring up exclusivity?
Q. I've been dating this girl for three months after it started one night when she sent me a drunken message saying that she had fancied me for ages. I had feelings for her at this point but I didn't know what these feelings were. We've been dating for ...
A. 15 April 2016: You need to kiss her first. Maybe you're just good friends? You need to have a kiss to tell if it's romance or just friendship. Good friends can also love one another.
Also, it's been three months and no kiss... This indicates that neither ... (read in full...)
Have any ladies ever been rejected in asking a man out?
Q. Girls have you ever approached a guy and had him reject you? I am not talking about being dumped. I am talking about when you meet a guy, you put yourself out there and ask him out and he shoots you down. I have this theory. Most girls seem to ...
A. 15 April 2016: Uh, girls get rejected by guys just as often as guys get rejected by girls. So your theory is wrong. I approach men and I have hardly ever gotten a date out of it. The cases where I DID get a date out of it, was only when I pretended that I wasn't ... (read in full...)
Husband lied for four years about sleeping with my friend
Q. I have been with my husband for seven years this year, married for two. We have three children together. Two girls and a boy. 7, 4 and 9 months. I have a friend, we will call her Lee, and we started becoming friends about two years ago when she foun...
A. 15 April 2016: Hey, read the question, they were NOT friends until TWO YEARS AFTER. Of course friends don't sleep with their friends exes or whatever, but they weren't friends back then!... (read in full...)
I think he is asking for too much, but he says he isn't!
Q. I've been married for six months and we've been struggling. I had never lives on my own before, so I really had no idea about all the housework that needs to be done.I've gotten a little better, but there's no pleasing my husband. I cooked and ...
A. 15 April 2016: He is asking too much, but I don't think there is any point in telling him. Instead, take your stance and challenge him. From what I read, you can not have a mature debate with this man, nor can you co-operate. With this personality of his, and his ... (read in full...)
Husband lied for four years about sleeping with my friend
Q. I have been with my husband for seven years this year, married for two. We have three children together. Two girls and a boy. 7, 4 and 9 months. I have a friend, we will call her Lee, and we started becoming friends about two years ago when she foun...
A. 15 April 2016: Lee became your friend two years AFTER she had been with your husband. I do not think, at all, that her motives in becoming your friend had anything to do with your husband, but everything to do with you being an amazing person and she wanting to be ... (read in full...)
When I am tested for a STD should I trust the protocols in place re my privacy or should I give a false name?
Q. Hi, I am in need of advice. I am 18 years old and I recently had sex with 7 different men throughout the year. I had unprotected sex with 5 of those men. I am afraid that I caught an STD so I want to get checked. I plan to go to Planned Parentho...
A. 14 April 2016: You should trust the protocols of confidentiality. If there is an option to be anonymous, then you will not be asked to give a name, so no need for pseudonyms. But be my guest, if you want to use a fake name why not. ... (read in full...)
How do I solve the finishing problem?
Q. J and I have been sleeping together for about 2 and a half months now, and the sex is great and we have a lot of physical and emotional chemistry and we usually just can't keep our hands off of each other. However, no matter how hard I try, I can't ...
A. 13 April 2016: This is a non-problem. So he doesn't get off from you going down at him, but for heavens sake woman, 1 hour of giving him blow jobs!? My jaw would be sore for a full week if I did that.
Sex is about enjoyment. Do you enjoy going at it for 1 ho... (read in full...)
Do you think his response to the card I sent indicate that he is interested in me?
Q. Hello, I told a guy on his birthday like this:" that you special and that God created you and sent you as a gift to all who know you . On your birthday, I want to thank you that you have been able to change things in me that no one else could" ...
A. 13 April 2016: Forgot to add: if he liked you, he would have returned the gesture by saying you are special as well, and added something about his heart as well. It was right there in the open, as you have pretty much declared your love for him already in your ... (read in full...)
Do you think his response to the card I sent indicate that he is interested in me?
Q. Hello, I told a guy on his birthday like this:" that you special and that God created you and sent you as a gift to all who know you . On your birthday, I want to thank you that you have been able to change things in me that no one else could" ...
A. 13 April 2016: Nope, not interested, just appreciating the gesture. ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
