| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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The messages are turning sexual. When is it a good time to tell him I've never had sex?
Q. I've been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks now and everything seems to be great and going really well. We've been on a few dates that have also turned out well and we both are starting to enjoy each other's company. I'm really starting to ...
A. 5 April 2016: Yeah, the only reason a guy gets that sexual without there being a commitment first is because he doesn't want commitment. Especially if he answered rudely, just shows his true colours.
I don't see why you should be messaging him at all at this ... (read in full...)
My dad is having an affair! Will it last?
Q. My dad is having an affair with the tennant that lives in our house that we rent. She is literally the scum of the earth (this is not an opinion). She is possibly on job-seekers allowance, claiming benefits, she's never owned her own house ever, all ...
A. 5 April 2016: Oh yes, this is midlife crisis alright. ... (read in full...)
Am I potentially getting myself tangled in something too big for me to handle?
Q. I met a guy online about a month ago. After our 2nd date he started telling me some really personal stuff about himself. I got a run down of all the problems he has ever had in his life including an 8 year relationship that ended badly and his suff...
A. 5 April 2016: I think you have valid concerns, and I would back down too. He needs a therapist to talk to about all his problems, not a DATE!
I think you should suggest this to him. Tell him you don't want to date him because he doesn't appear to be in the r... (read in full...)
We have great sexual chemistry but there are red flags all over. Should I continue or leave him?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about 3 weeks. We are both young I'm 20 he is 21. I'm in university and he has a part time job. We have amazing sexual chemistry and he is a very considerate and affectionate guy, a "good guy. But he has broken some ...
A. 5 April 2016: Are you planning on getting married within the next two years? If not, then just enjoy the great sex and leave the more serious dating for when you're ready for marriage.
I think all women deserve great sex in their lives. If you don't enjoy th... (read in full...)
Met this girl online but now I feel I've lost a new friend. what should I do?
Q. I recently made friends with a girl online and we really got on well to start with but past week we have had arguements around me being moody because I get anxious when waiting for a reply; I end up being rude. She is in a relationship but has chea...
A. 3 April 2016: I think it's time to work on yourself! You're aware of your short comings, now do something about them!
You are rude? You get anxious? Start with this then, your goal should be for it not to happen. You get jealous? Then I think it is fair to ... (read in full...)
He said I'm wife material, not casual dating type. what should I do?
Q. Hi everyone I have a question. Men are easy to meet on dating sites. Been out with some and met a few at store bar etc. I'm told and shown the same thing. I'm so sweet all say then disappear. My good guy friend says I'm a good catch for long te...
A. 3 April 2016: Yeah, I also think it's just a line for "not that interested". I picture myself telling this to guys Im not that interested in, when I don't have anything negative about them, I just dont fancy them that way, you know?
Im sure not ALL guys tel... (read in full...)
Why do some guys lie about losing their virginity?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together six months. Last week we talked about having sex for the first time. I asked would I be his first and he didn't answer, he just retorted by asking would he be mine. I said no, I was not a virgin. He then began ...
A. 3 April 2016: Because guys watch too much porn and hear too many "bragging" stories about sex and they believe that if you haven't had sex you're not a proper man and that everyone will make fun of you.
Well, the insecure ones think this anyway. The honest a... (read in full...)
His birth family comes before his spouse and children. It's depressing. What can I do?.
Q. What would you do if you had a husband who continuously put his family first particularly his mother, has stated to some members of his family in front of me that family comes first before a woman. Had a monthly phone contract and ran up ...
A. 3 April 2016: This sounds crazy. But it also sounds like it's been like this all along, from the very beginning. So, it's something you must accept, or leave. You should not have married him when he was like this to begin with, so when you meet a new man, you ... (read in full...)
Men, can you get past imperfections?
Q. I'm trying to not feel sorry for myself in this question but I'm having problems with my self esteem and I don't know what to do. I was taking a bath earlier and my boyfriend came in to the bathroom and he saw everything. I don't really like my s...
A. 3 April 2016: I don't get why you think this is about your stomach. He said he was overthinking things? That's man-talk for: I don't know if I want a relationship with you any longer. And that NEVER happens because of how a woman looks, or these small ... (read in full...)
Have you ever seen the same person over the past few years?
Q. Have you ever seen the same person over the past few years? When I was 22 I went to my very first hookah bar with my best friend, I was having a blast! But while I was in there two guys came in and sat across from me and my best friend. They wer...
A. 3 April 2016: It just means it's a small world, really. I've had this happen too, and while it's amusing and fun, you shouldn't read too much into it. I have the same experience going on for about a decade now, lol. There's this man I've been seeing ... (read in full...)
What do I do? My BF refuses to stop talking to a girl he had a crush on before meeting me.
Q. So I moved in with my boyfriend in the end of OCT . It was love at first meeting and a very quick move in together. He moved me in on his birthday of all things and said I was the best birthday gift ever. Well since then Ive had to wade through ...
A. 31 March 2016: OMG, your solution is to tell on the other woman! Really? You have a cheating boyfriend, lady, time to face the shit and decide whether you want it or not. I think it is evident from your post that this is not what you signed up for. You love him? ... (read in full...)
I don't trust one of my new roommates
Q. I just rented a room in an apartment in the city I just moved to. I have three roommates, I didn't know them beforehand. But I love my new place and for the most part get along great with my roomies. I've developed a friendship with two of them whom ...
A. 31 March 2016: Look, some people are bat shit crazy. Who knows why they do what they do, they don't make any sense and never will. So if your radar is going up about this guy, trust your instincts and just remove all your belongings to your room, and find a good ... (read in full...)
He's at least 10 years older than me. Should I go with it?
Q. hi I started going to the gym and began to have a crush on a guy. I'm thinking he knows I like him because he introduced himself to me and said to ask him if I need help with the machines. The only thing is that he's probably at least 10 years older ...
A. 31 March 2016: so, what about you pick him up on that offer and get to know him a bit and then ask his age? he might look 33, but a lot of people dont look their age. he could be 40.... (read in full...)
Deal breaker? Should I end my relationship with my fiance?
Q. I'm really heart broken and disappointed. I am in a LDR realtionship for 3 years and my fiancé is going to come where I live and get marry this summer. It has been an extremely difficult pat to get here. We both are divorced his wife moved to an...
A. 31 March 2016: You are in a long distance relationship. Often when one person has anger management problems, they are not easy to see when long distance. You only see glimpses of it, like the last fight. Then you hang up the phone, or you log off, and that's the ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be fired but feel uncomfortable with what my boss is requesting me to do
Q. I started my job yesterday as an administrative assistant, at a private accounting firm. My boss told me today she wants me to call tomorrow a credit card company and be her and ask them to waive a fee for her. I feel kind of uncomfor...
A. 30 March 2016: At a private accounting firm they might not (probably not) have any HR office. That's what big corporations have. Not small, private firms. We never had any HR office in the places I worked privately.
Just decline, put it on your moral code and... (read in full...)
He seems flaky. Is he not that interested or just bad at keeping plans?
Q. I met this guy through a mutual friend 2 weeks ago.The first time we arranged to meet up, he flaked on our plans. Basically, we arranged to meet up after 6 pm when he gets off work.I texted him earlier that day and said "hey" but he didn't respond. ...
A. 30 March 2016: Not that interested. There is the occasional exception of someone who is just bad at making plans and don't know how to tell the time, but they are the exception that confirms the rule. Besides, a truly aloof person wouldn't have replied with "lol" ... (read in full...)
Truth or fake? Wish I never catfished him. Do I tell him the truth and end up with losing him, because he feels betrayed?
Q. So I had this crush and I found his boyfriend on online. I started talking to his boyfriend but used him to get info on his now ex. As it turns out me and him click I really like him as a friend and now after nearly 4 months of talking I feel bad...
A. 30 March 2016: Tell him and then is he wants to stop talking, respect it. Treat it as a lesson learned. If he still wants to be friends, then great! But it's not fair to keep lying to him. ... (read in full...)
What should I do? Crushing a lot. A friend recommended telling him I like him but I'm scared
Q. I like this boy, a lot, like a lot a lot, and we're quite close. We hang out quite a bit, and we're really flirtatious but I don't know how he feels. He'll never make the extra effort, like text me or call me, we'll only speak face to face. I ...
A. 30 March 2016: Don't tell him. Kiss him and see if he kisses you back.
Yes, it will ruin your friendship, but that's what you must decide on. Do you want friendship, or do you want more? If you want more, then you need to risk losing the friendship. You can'... (read in full...)
I don't want to be fired but feel uncomfortable with what my boss is requesting me to do
Q. I started my job yesterday as an administrative assistant, at a private accounting firm. My boss told me today she wants me to call tomorrow a credit card company and be her and ask them to waive a fee for her. I feel kind of uncomfor...
A. 30 March 2016: ... Yes this is very suspicious. Don't do it. ... (read in full...)
Will his friend be thinking I am an absolute idiot to still stay with him? I think my husband took another girl's number while away with the army
Q. Hey. I need to know if I'm being silly or not. Last month my husband went away abroad with the army to malta and while he was there got girls numbers etc to be honest Anyway he wants us to go out with a guy and his gf, the guy we are meeting wen...
A. 30 March 2016: Yeah, if they know, then they will be looking at HIM thinking "what an idiot" and looking at you thinking you're a great woman.
On the other hand, how can you be so sure they know? And, if him taking another girls number makes you feel like you... (read in full...)
I'm Sexually innexperienced , does it affect my chances of meeting someone ? (Bi)
Q. Dear People of dearcupid.org Let me start off first by writing about myself. I am a bi sexual male in the early 20s , living in Europe. I don't prefer any gender over the other. I work out regularly and I like my self the way I am. You could ...
A. 30 March 2016: ... It's just nerves! Like your ex boyfriend (or ex date) said, it happens to other men too! It is NOT erectile dysfunction. You do not have a dysfunction. You have nerves and get worried. That is why you were unable to stay hard, and with time and ... (read in full...)
I so want to date but never get asked!
Q. I feel embarassed just typing this, but well... I am 22 year old, college student, I am outgoing, I have a lot of friends and I am quite popular with them. I am tomboyish as in "loving sports, fights and cars" but you wouldn't tell from the w...
A. 30 March 2016: Exactly, anonymous poster. Guys aren't that brave. So when a girl is pretty, they do not approach her! They assume she already has a boyfriend, or that she will reject them because guys do not have that great confidence either. It's not nonsense at ... (read in full...)
Can someone who cheated on their partner ever gain self-respect again as a person, whether they decide to stay or end the relationship?
Q. My morals are the one thing I always prided myself in having. I rarely lied (even then I can't flat out lie, more like white lies or divert the answer), obedient to parents (never sneaked out etc.), I don't curse, and I have a strong faith in God, I ...
A. 30 March 2016: Yes, you will feel worthy again. Give yourself some time to accept what happened and be able to move on. Forgiving yourself is something that happens through actions of loyalty. Self worth will come through knowing you do good.
And also, don't fo... (read in full...)
The messages are turning sexual. When is it a good time to tell him I've never had sex?
Q. I've been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks now and everything seems to be great and going really well. We've been on a few dates that have also turned out well and we both are starting to enjoy each other's company. I'm really starting to ...
A. 29 March 2016: When you are in an official relationship. ... (read in full...)
I don't love my husband and I'm in the marriage because of our children
Q. I have come to the conclusion that I have to stay in my marriage for the sake of the kids. I know, it's a cliche, but it's the responsible thing to do. My husband has done things to me that I feel are deal breakers, and most other women w...
A. 29 March 2016: You would benefit from talking about these feelings in therapy. You have built up anger and resentment. Therapy is excellent at treating those feelings! It'll feel like a weight has been lifted off from your shoulders, believe me. Try it!... (read in full...)
Were we wrong to offer? Why did she not tell her husband about the invitation and the arrangements to attend the wedding?
Q. My aunt and I have always been close- she is 12 years older than me so more like a big sister than an aunt. A few years ago she moved to America with her husband and son due to her husband's job. Of course I missed her and we kept in touch and I w...
A. 29 March 2016: She moved a few years ago. In the meantime, your friendship has taken a different course, it seems. Not from your side, but from hers. Sometimes, people change. I don't know why, so I can't help you with that. I experienced something similar with my ... (read in full...)
Should my stepbrother and I date in secret? Our parents have told us that we can't.
Q. me and my step brother like eachother but my step mom and my dad have set us tow down and said we cant date but i want to know if we should date secertly or not ...
A. 29 March 2016: Are you living together? Then I vote for no. It's the same as dating a co-worker, only worse. When things go sour, or you have an argument etc, then you can't get away from each other and have to be together still! Its torture until one of you ... (read in full...)
I so want to date but never get asked!
Q. I feel embarassed just typing this, but well... I am 22 year old, college student, I am outgoing, I have a lot of friends and I am quite popular with them. I am tomboyish as in "loving sports, fights and cars" but you wouldn't tell from the w...
A. 29 March 2016: My guess is you're too pretty. Guys get intimidated by that. Dress down when going out. T-shirt and jeans. No high heels. No extreme make-up. You gotta give guys the idea that you're not hard to get.
Oh, I read further down, your friends have alr... (read in full...)
How is a move to a new area and a new school likely to affect a 13 year old boy who is not very outgoing at present?
Q. What do people think of moving a 13 year old boy to a new school in a new location? Would it be a complete disaster or would he adapt? The reason is that my widowed partner and I are nearing our mid sixties and want to downsize and relocate...
A. 29 March 2016: Haha, well, that was one way to put it... "a boy who has years and years ahead of him". While I see what you mean, the political correct thinking is this: "who do we put first, ourselves or the child we brought into this world and have a ... (read in full...)
I try to love my friend's child but it's just so hard! He's incredibly rude and I hate spending time with him
Q. I'm not sure how to express myself on this one or even what my exact question is or even if I HAVE a question.... all I know is that I feel really bad about this. My friend and I have known each other for over 10 years now. Her son has just tur...
A. 28 March 2016: Btw, I once went to visit a friends house, and that was the first time I met their kids. The place was a mess and the kids spilled water and food on the table, they were just sitting around waiting for the parents to clean it. So I asked them to ... (read in full...)
I try to love my friend's child but it's just so hard! He's incredibly rude and I hate spending time with him
Q. I'm not sure how to express myself on this one or even what my exact question is or even if I HAVE a question.... all I know is that I feel really bad about this. My friend and I have known each other for over 10 years now. Her son has just tur...
A. 28 March 2016: You're allowed to not like her kid. You're her friend, and that doesn't mean you have to love her kid. If you were in a relationship with her, or a step-mother to this kid, it would be a different matter. But as a friend, you're not required to feel ... (read in full...)
How is a move to a new area and a new school likely to affect a 13 year old boy who is not very outgoing at present?
Q. What do people think of moving a 13 year old boy to a new school in a new location? Would it be a complete disaster or would he adapt? The reason is that my widowed partner and I are nearing our mid sixties and want to downsize and relocate...
A. 28 March 2016: How far is the move? Have you asked the boy himself, what does he have to say about it? If he doesn't object, then go for it. He knows better than anyone how much he has to hold on to where he is now. Even if he's not that outgoing, he can still be ... (read in full...)
Are there men who want to build relationships and not just have casual sex?
Q. Dear Cupid It's a rhetorical question may be, but is there men who wants to build a relationship not just have casual sex. I have been dating for sometime and lost trust in male population as it is, everywhere I see people just want to have a c...
A. 27 March 2016: You're wrong. I've only encountered men like those you mention when out on bars. Bars and dance places are like a meat market, you are there primarily to get laid and nothing else. Also, on dating sites you will get those requests no matter how many ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with these quite vicious older colleagues?
Q. Hi all, some advice on dealing with older colleagues that can be quite vicious. So I'm a newly qualified nurse who has recently got a job on a large ward with a lot of staff. I'm young at only 23 and I think a lot of people have sly digs at me b...
A. 26 March 2016: Crappy ladies! Well, its unfortunately not news at all that too many women stacked up together in the workplace creates a nasty atmosphere. I've been in your shoes, working with ONLY women, and I left that job for this reason. They just couldn't ... (read in full...)
How much does dating actually cost?
Q. So, I was telling my roommate about my plans to build a new computer and media center for the living room, and he told me I should get a girlfriend (instead of appreciating my contributions to the house). While he might or might not be right, I ...
A. 26 March 2016: ... If you lived in the time where women were considered property, then this question would have been appropriate.
The answer is that women do NOT COST MONEY, as we are not objects and can not be bought! Good grief.
If you want to know how... (read in full...)
Why do people think pretty girls are dumb?
Q. I do not consider myself "hot" i just know how to use make up. A lot of people who don't know me that well think I am really dumb but i am really a proud member of the "nerd herd" as they call us at my school. also why do people make fun of those...
A. 25 March 2016: It's actually true that people, especially young men in my experience, think pretty girls are dumb. I can't count how many "You're smarter than I thought" comments I have received, or raised eyebrows when they hear I have a masters degree from ... (read in full...)
Now that I've started dating again I find myself having dreams about my ex! Does this mean I'm not over him?
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for one year and broke up three months ago. He was an amazing partner and a wonderful person. He was always attentive towards me and I treasured him. We were in love, however later realized that our opposite personalities ...
A. 25 March 2016: You are ready to date if you feel like you want to date. Having dreams about your ex just plays into what you wrote yourself, you keep comparing a new man to your ex. Which is only natural and I think it's what you need to keep doing. You don't want ... (read in full...)
Can a man be too romantic? That's why my girlfriend broke up with me
Q. Hi,am thirty five,an my girlfriend just broke up with me,after six months,I treated her really good, she said the reason for breaking up with me is, am to romantic,am not a challenge, should I just move on,or try to win her back....
A. 22 March 2016: Eh, move on. Sorry, but that is an odd excuse. Theres no such thing as being too romantic, although there IS such a thing as not being compatible. Whatever her reasons for ending things, you should focus on the fact that she ended it, and not on ... (read in full...)
My baby is now a year old and I'm still not in the mood for sex
Q. My baby is almost 1 year old now and I still haven't got my sex drive back. It's a bit upsetting that I don't seem to want to have sex any more, my poor husband is finding it very hard to deal with. It's not that I don't love or fancy him coz I do...
A. 21 March 2016: See your doctor. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but this sort of thing can be helped. Although, in order for the doctor to help you, you must be able to talk to them honestly. I find this to be difficult, especially since I have a ... (read in full...)
When people say they are ''not ready for a relationship'' is that just a line to discourage the other party?
Q. I was seeing a 25 y.o. woman over a month ago. She just lost her mother due to very complicated circumstances so she went through a very hard time. I took the 'not ready for a relationship' line as sincere. I didnt pursue but was open to go on mo...
A. 21 March 2016: It can be just a line, but it's not something to be angry about! I mean, would you rather she told you she didn't find you attractive, or whatever it was that she didn't like about you? Also, just because you're not what she's interested in, doesn't ... (read in full...)
Why isn’t she wearing her bra in this instance?
Q. OK I don't mean to sound creepy or pervie, but what does it mean when my economics tutor at uni doesn't wear her bra when I was alone with her? Does she like me? Because during class in the morning I noticed her bra straps but later in the afternoon ...
A. 21 March 2016: ... It means she took off her bra for any number of reasons, and I highly doubt it has anything to do with you. Taking of your bra is NOT in the girls guide on how to get a guy. If she likes you, she would not show it in this manner. I don't know ... (read in full...)
Are we banned from this theatre?
Q. Me and my boyfriend were in the movie theater and i sat on his lap and we made out. However, an employee walked by and he said its okay to do that. But he had told the manager and so when the manager got us, he said we were having sex. We were ...
A. 18 March 2016: I think they will just have it in their notes at the database, so of your name pops up again they might give you a fine. But for now, sounds like you got off with a warning. But what do I know, you're of age so I do not see why they'd involve your ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
