A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been married to a man for 10 years. And who is extremely intelligent. I consider him to be a genius because he has an incredible ability to learn and retain new information and skills which far surpasses any other human I've met. This could be anything from fluid mechanics to learning a new language to practical skills like carpentry. He has a strong understand of how people operate too, so is not autistic at all. He is an introverted person, but he is perfectly able to operate socially. He's also really physically able and becomes proficient at new sports very quickly. All this has many upsides and I am very proud of him. However, I am beginning to realize that over time my self esteem is being eroded. My achievements seem so pathetic compared to his and just generally I'm starting to feel like a useless person. I keep telling myself to compare myself to other normal people and not him, but it's not working. I don't think he is doing anything bad to me to make me feel like this, he doesn't undermine me, he's just being himself. Is anyone else married to a genius, and how do you cope?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 Everyone is intelligent in his/her own way. He may envy what you're brilliant at grasping or doing just as you're envious of him but it's important to understand that we're all different. We're all intelligent but just in our own unique ways but just because you're not intelligent in HIS way, it doesn't mean that you're less intelligent than he is. You just have to learn to accept that you too have your strong suits just as he does and that's what makes you uniquely you. It starts with building up your own self confidence and that is only something that you can do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): Please don't feel that way!!! There are different types of intelligence and I am sure that there i something he's not good at ;) Not that it's important. I wish my husband would write a reply, but it's just not his thing. Here's how he copes... He uses all the good things about being married to a genius :) Whenever we travel he feel sat easy because of my language skills, whenever we moved I resigned our home etc.Over time I learned to be the "designer" while letting him be the "maker". I also learned to ask for help even though I can do things by myself. Always doing things by yourself can be extremely lonely and it excludes other people and makes them feel unwanted. You should do things together, but not compete.For example, instead of playing chess against one another, we play chess online together against someone else (I know it's not fair, but we don't use software and we really love the game. I could kick his ass anytime and it would be boring for me and demotivating for him. I am not by any means an extraordinary player, but I play sooo much better than him). Maybe you should do some volunteer work together?Maybe there s something you are good at that he likes and so you could teach him? I don't know... like cooking. Find some exciting recipes and cook together.Maybe it's just different when you are a woman, but even from the young age I learned to mask how smart I am (please do not thing that I a smug). I mean it wasn't all bad, it made me aware of other people's point of view. Men are "allowed" and encouraged to like math, physics, chemistry. It was hard finding a partner, but I am blessed with my husband. Even though he keeps saying how stupid he is compared to me (we joke about it), he takes pride in my intelligence. And for me it's important to know that he's at ease. If your husband is not putting you down, than stop torturing yourself. He loves you the way you are. Explore your interests. Expand your horizons. My main motor was my curiosity and it still is. I started playing the piano in my thirties because I just wanted to see how it felt to make music instead of just listening. I was lucky I've chosen the piano. It would have taken me forever to learn the violin ;)Also, please know that it could be really hard for him people thinking that he's perfect. No matter how smart he may be, he sure made and makes mistakes. He also needs to know that it's okay. That there's no pressure. It was one of the best gifts my husband has ever given me. It set me free :)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 My husband is brilliant at what he does. He has a PhD in Sociology (I do too) but he's top of his game and an Associate Professor in a top University. He's very well read, very intelligent, an introvert, but a wonderful person. I never feel inferior when I'm with him and I don't think he's ever, ever tried to make me feel that he's better than me in my subject. He can speak on any topic with ease, you ask him anything on his subject and he never needs to refer to a book and he's very well versed in current affairs. To me however, he's my sweetheart and I'm so proud of him. Never felt inferior because that's just how he is...and when you remove all these layers, there's a warm, loving, funny, sexy husband underneath who treats me like a queen.
Don't ever let your self-esteem get affected. You are good in your way and he's good in his way. No two people can be compared and just like snowflakes or the stripes of a zebra, no two people can be alike. Hold your head high because you are you; you are unique and there can be no one else like you. Also, if he's chosen to be with you, he must have seem something in you which he hadn't seen in others. Learn to love yourself. Believe in yourself. It works wonders.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (12 May 2016):
 You need to understand that there are different types of intelligence - at least four I think. Our educational system prizes academic achievement yet downgrades artistry. See for example Sir Ken Robinson's TED lecture online on how the education system is killing creativity.
In society we need the skills of the adventurer, the artist, and the athlete, not just the academic. Then there are left and right brain attributes which we all have in different amounts. Some work best with abstract concepts, some with sensations, hunches or emotions. People may be fast accurate thinkers or slow accurate thinkers. Both are suited to different tasks.
I suppose what I'm trying to say to you is that we value far more than just a person's ability to remember facts or do certain tasks. If that were the case then we would have gone down the path of eugenics long ago.
You need to start valuing what is special and unique about you. What is it? Is it your compassion; your parenting skills; your emotional intelligence? Is it your ability to listen? People will tell you to love yourself. You need to listen to them.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 My husband is brilliant. He is a cardiologist specializing in genetics with a Phd. He has written papers and given seminars that I could never hope to fully comprehend.He speaks 2 languages fluently, whereas I struggle to speak in his native language (Japanese). When I first met him I was totally overwhelmed by him but he quickly set me at ease. He's a very easy going, down to earth person and doesn't put on airs. He tells me that he has this knowledge because he has studied for YEARS. He tells me that I am actually much smarter than he is.
He has book knowledge and knowledge about the body and yet he comes to me with every day problems and asked my advice because he says that I am brilliant in dealing with people, emotions and the confusing aspects of every day life.
We compliment each other. We make each other laugh. I don't think of him as "Doctor Jun"..I think of him as my partner, my husband, my friend.
Unless your husband is talking down to you or undermining your self of worth, then to be honest the problem is yours, my dear. You need to work on your self worth. Why do you feel the way that you do? I'm sure you have many shining qualities! There is far more to a person than being intelligent. What are your shining qualities? If you've been together for 10 years, have you always felt this way? Or is this something that has just happened recently? Search inside yourself. No one is useless. You have a very low opinion of yourself and you need to figure out why this is so and fix it!
I wish you all the best. Believe in yourself!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 May 2016):
 Dont compare yourself to anyone. Otherwise you will always find someone who does something better. Life is not a competition of who is best. A the end of life there is no award show for greatest accomplishments. We all end up dead the same way.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): It's not what you can do in this life that makes you great Its what you can do for others that makes you great. After your long gone from this world people will not remember what you said or did but they will rember how you made them FEEL.
So I say volunteer and make a difference in peoples lives. This will make you feel more accomplished then any talent or skill in this world I promise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2016): Does this 'superman' of yours make comments that compare himself to you? Does he do things to publicly mock or show up any weaker side of you compared to his strengths? If he does I'd say red flags. If not then it's about your negative perception of yourself which may have already been there but you've just had this brought out by his qualities. You could see this as a reason to motivate you to aim higher to be your amazing self to push boundaries and follow your dreams. He sounds like someone who could support you intellectually and physically. My boyfriend is the total opposite and whatever I ask him he says "I don't know". Drives me nuts and I've realised the attraction was just physical. When that fizzles out it leaves you with an empty relationship. I read somewhere that your life is 'the reflection' of the 5 people you spend most time with. Hang around with emotional vampires and see what I mean! He has chosen to be with you!! That should tell you something is very very right about you. I would add one word of caution....If you start to 'shine' and gain a whole lot more confidence and esteem and you see signs of discomfort or even jealousy from him then we are back to the red flags. I say focus on you instead of living your life focused on his halo..
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