| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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I feel like I'm in a relationship, just without the title, I'd like to talk about being together but don't want to freak her out!
Q. I'm interested in some perspectives on this situation. I'm a gay woman and I've been sleeping with another woman for 8 months now. We've known each other for years but were always seeing other people, so we remained friends during that time. Howe...
A. 16 July 2016: Don't fix what isn't broken. If you love your current arrangement, then don't say anything about it. Just enjoy it. Play it by ear if you want to. Or, you can "test" her boundaries by asking her to attend typical relationship happenings. Like, going ... (read in full...)
13 years old. Some of our friends have done more than we have ever tried. How should I react if he asks to to do more with him as far as touching?
Q. Errh', okay - so I'm fairly young, just turned 13 a few days ago. I have a very serious relationship with a boy, who is about a year and a few months older than me. (I'm off to gr. 8, and he's off to gr. 9.) It's extremely obvious that he absolute...
A. 14 July 2016: Cool kids aren't the ones who have sex way too young. That's messed up kids. Having sex isn't the same as being cool, and the age limit is there for a reason. One very good reason being that when you have sex you risk pregnancy and STD's. Two things ... (read in full...)
Can you advise me on how to get over him?
Q. How do I get over someone? My ex broke up with my over 3 months ago now and it gets easier sometimes but then at others it feels again as bad as when it happened. I have wrote on here before about this situation but this time I just want to get over ...
A. 14 July 2016: Buy yourself a new pair of boots. That's what I normally do, or a fancy dress, or a travel to somewhere new and exciting. Always works for me. Also, finding some hot, new guy to fantasize about helps a lot, even if you wont act on it/date anyone. ... (read in full...)
What are likely reasons that a man would ask this question of a woman about children ?
Q. What would you think if your boyfriend asked you "what do you think things would of been like if you never would of have had your kids?" I have kids from a previous relationship but he's always been great with them, so I was thrown off by that ...
A. 10 July 2016: He's just pondering about life. Nothing more. ... (read in full...)
What I did was dangerous, & I want to forget him but I also want to see him again.
Q. Hi. Okay so where should I start. Last year I met this guy online and after a few months we met up (publicly and locally of course). We...well after a little while I guess we got carried away and started making out etc (minus sex). I realised ...
A. 10 July 2016: I don't think meeting him and fooling around should be deemed as a mistake just because you happened to meet him online, as opposed to meeting him in real life. You met somewhere local and public. Not stupid at all. And even if you HAD known him ... (read in full...)
Can't understand why she cheated with a homosexual?
Q. Hi. What does it mean when that my wife has cheated me with a gay guy, and prefers gay friends?...
A. 10 July 2016: It means you don't know what a gay guy is. Because a gay guy wouldn't be having anything sexual to do with your wife. So, either they didn't cheat, or he's not gay.
Anyway, if she cheated, it just means she's a cheater. Doesn't really matter w... (read in full...)
Does a guy being skinny put women off?
Q. I'm a skinny lad and I was wondering is this a turn-off? I mean I know some girls like guys to be teddy bears but is there really any market for us skinny guys? I'm 5'11"/180 cm and 143 pounds/64 kg and feel as though I'm not bulky enough for women ...
A. 10 July 2016: Well, women who need a man to "protect" them, might not be the ones for you.. but I seriously doubt these women are right for anyone. A woman who is confident in herself and has her own life going on for her, and has a brain of her own, does not ... (read in full...)
Saw 6 Condoms in His Travelling Bag
Q. Please my big brother and sister in the house, Am married for two years now, we have a daughter. Recently my husband job entailed him travelling a lot. He was travelling today and he took six condoms,he ought to be away for 6 days. I saw it in his ...
A. 10 July 2016: *cough* Unprotected sex can be lethal in any part of the world *cough*... (read in full...)
She's downgraded me from facebook. I thought we were friends not just co-workers. What to do?
Q. I'm friends with a female at work, we talk now and then at work but not a lot to each other as she's busy but we are friends on facebook though. When I didn't hear back from her in a while, I posted on her wall, haven't replied back to me, which wa...
A. 10 July 2016: You did mean it, otherwise you wouldn't have posted it in public view.
Don't quit your job until you have found a new one. And accept that you can't be everyones friend, and just being friends on facebook doesn't mean anything. It's whether ... (read in full...)
Saw 6 Condoms in His Travelling Bag
Q. Please my big brother and sister in the house, Am married for two years now, we have a daughter. Recently my husband job entailed him travelling a lot. He was travelling today and he took six condoms,he ought to be away for 6 days. I saw it in his ...
A. 10 July 2016: That is a lie. His boss would buy his own condoms. Not ask an employee to bring any. I mean, did you ever ask any of your co-workers or friends if they would bring you condoms? No, you buy them yourself.....
He is probably cheating, sorry to say s... (read in full...)
Grieving for my twin brother who died. My parents don't mention him. How can I get through this grief?
Q. I lost my twin brother, actually i feel like i lost half my soul. I am never going to be the same person again because half of me has died. Family give reasons and excuses and say everything will work out. We had always been together, never ...
A. 9 July 2016: Not all people know how to deal with grief or how to console others. Even if they are adults, and you expect them to. They just don't know how to do it. I am sorry for your loss, but this is something it seems you need to handle on your own, without ... (read in full...)
Now separated and some of the men I meet are a disappointment. Why are they so blunt about asking for sex when they don't know me?
Q. I was married for 20 years and now dating again as I separated from my husband. Nothing tragic, just grew apart though still friends and civil with each other. One daughter, away in college who is really cool with the situation . Men I meet: ...
A. 8 July 2016: I dont know what Uber is, but perhaps it's time to not talk to any of these Uber people again? ... (read in full...)
Is a relationship possible with this age gap?
Q. Ive been seeing a guy for a while now and I am realy into him and he says he is realy into me. Im 17 and he is 29. He dosnt want to hold me back and has said I can back out at any time and that he dosnt want to be selfish. It is my first proper ...
A. 8 July 2016: On the one hand, of course you should be allowed to be with the person who makes you happy. On the other hand, he is way too old for you, and the relationship is not socially acceptable. He is not the kind of man you can bring home to meet your ... (read in full...)
Is a thankyou card to my doctor appropriate?
Q. Hi , Thanks for being helpful . I need a advice. I am going to doc for treatment. His treatment helping me a lot. I want to send him a card. I bought a thank you card.now I am confuse about sentance in the card. Its written thanks for making m...
A. 8 July 2016: I think it is fine. It means he made your life a little easier. You can send it to him. ... (read in full...)
Paper thin wall mean we can hear each other! What's the best way to deal with this?
Q. I live in an apartment building in which the walls are pretty thin; so thin that I can actually hear what my neighbor is watching on the tv. So, for the past couple weeks, Ive been hearing my neighbors going at it and its really awkward. I havent ...
A. 8 July 2016: Buy ear plugs and be polite. Yes, they surely have heard you too, but it's a two way street. You hear them, and you're polite, so they return the favour. You're all adults, nothing to be embarrassed about. Try having sex somewhere else if you want ... (read in full...)
Should I give in to demands for anal?
Q. Dear Cupid, my boyfriend has been bringing up sex up the butt. I feel like I don't please him enough because he keeps trying to convince me about this, but I'm clearly offended that I'm not enough. Am I over reacting and taking it personally, or ...
A. 8 July 2016: He sounds annoying. No means no. If he's curious about anal sex, put a banana up his but. ... (read in full...)
Why am I attracting these type of girlfriends? What are the warning signs? How to avoid them? How to communicate?
Q. What is it with me and helicopter girlfriends? Why do I seem to attract them most? Why can't I let them go gently without it always ending with me making a new enemy and coming off as a douche at the end? Whenever I meet/date a girl who giv...
A. 7 July 2016: I want to reply to what Serpico wrote. I think his advice surely is a bit on the edge, but this is also a valid personal experience, and if it's worked for him then sure, give it a try. However, I do not think point number 2 is valid. I've had 5 LTR ... (read in full...)
Should I move to win love?
Q. Most of the girls in my home town only see me as a friend by this stage of my life, Any that i managed to be romantically involved with never lasted longer than 2 dates. By logic I am clearly the problem here. I'm too nicey nice and can't be the ...
A. 7 July 2016: No, you should wait until both you and the local girls mature. It's not at all uncommon to not have had a relationship yet at your age. But by all means, if you want to move, do it. Just don't fool yourself into thinking this will change once you ... (read in full...)
Why am I attracting these type of girlfriends? What are the warning signs? How to avoid them? How to communicate?
Q. What is it with me and helicopter girlfriends? Why do I seem to attract them most? Why can't I let them go gently without it always ending with me making a new enemy and coming off as a douche at the end? Whenever I meet/date a girl who giv...
A. 7 July 2016: I don't know what a helicopter girlfriend is, but I do know what a controlling and insecure girl is. Seems to me like you are picking the wrong women for you, because you let your ego decide. You go for these strange women who behave oddly and have ... (read in full...)
How can I suggest pencilling in a night or two in advance in her schedule, without it sounding too heavy?
Q. Right, I've been dating a girl for a few weeks now, we really get on, have a lot of similar interests, and share the same sense of humour, I really like the girl to be honest. The thing is, she seems to be good at planning work, gigs, etc in her...
A. 3 July 2016: "Hey Julie, my week is filling up pretty fast. How does your week look? Do you want to meet up and do something, perhaps next Wednesday?"... (read in full...)
I'm a 29 year old guy. Virgin, never had a girlfriend, never even kissed a girl. I am thinking of giving up on finding someone, and just trying to have sex. What are my options?
Q. I guess the title says a lot of it. I'm a guy in my late 20's, no girlfriend, haven't had one before. Not really any friends, and it's been awhile since I had any of those either. I have a job, but I'm not really able to connect with anyone. I try ...
A. 2 July 2016: Have you tried Tinder and other online dating sites?
How about not making life about sex/relationships? You've made it 29 years pretty much on your own, and I think that says something about you as a person. Not in a negative way, just that som... (read in full...)
She's moved on, so should I, but how?
Q. I miss my ex girlfriend, but I don't want her back. But I do. It's odd. Hense my screen name, I feel like I am going insane. We met in church in early 2014. Became best friends. Started dating by Valentine's Day 2015. And honestly for the first li...
A. 2 July 2016: How to move on? For starters, you could go to a new church. You can go back to your old church when you feel like you want to. If you don't want to go there yet, then why should you?
Moving on, step two, I would suggest you accept that you can ... (read in full...)
She's moved on, so should I, but how?
Q. I miss my ex girlfriend, but I don't want her back. But I do. It's odd. Hense my screen name, I feel like I am going insane. We met in church in early 2014. Became best friends. Started dating by Valentine's Day 2015. And honestly for the first li...
A. 2 July 2016: How to move on? For starters, you could go to a new church. You can go back to your old church when you feel like you want to. If you don't want to go there yet, then why should you?
Moving on, step two, I would suggest you accept that you can ... (read in full...)
Am I being too demanding and demonstrating a "princess attitude" for expecting a Lil common courtesy?
Q. I am 36 years old not much experienced in dating. If a guy is supposed to pick you up at 2.00 to 3.00 and until 1 pm didn't tell you of any change of plans. When you message him at 2.15 informs you that he won't be able to make it. Is it commo...
A. 2 July 2016: I don't think you are wrong. I think you have standards. And anyone who tells you you have an attitude, obviously does not have standards and will just go along with anything because they are desperate.
Yes, it's common courtesy to let someone ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a 23 year old guy not to want to talk or think about the future?
Q. Is it normal for a 23 year old guy not to want to talk or think about the future? I've dated my boyfriend for 5 years and today I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years. He described all his ambitions and goals but only added afterwards that he ...
A. 2 July 2016: But you asked him where he sees himself in five years, which is a standard job interview question. And in this question, it's not normal to talk about your relationship. If you wanted to know where your relationship is in five years, as opposed to ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a 23 year old guy not to want to talk or think about the future?
Q. Is it normal for a 23 year old guy not to want to talk or think about the future? I've dated my boyfriend for 5 years and today I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years. He described all his ambitions and goals but only added afterwards that he ...
A. 2 July 2016: But you asked him where he sees himself in five years, which is a standard job interview question. And in this question, it's not normal to talk about your relationship. If you wanted to know where your relationship is in five years, as opposed to ... (read in full...)
Does the evidence suggest that he's gay or transgender?
Q. I wrote the post "We had our first kiss and it wasnt magic as expected! Now what?" few days ago. After the advice i got from my lovely aunties here i was on my way to end things with him but before that i asked my trusted friend what she thinks ...
A. 2 July 2016: From what you wrote, you can't say he is gay. Your friend doesn't know what she is talking about. Gay isn't a neon sign on the forehead, you can not see that anyone is gay unless they are open about it and tell you that they are. I am active in the ... (read in full...)
We had our first kiss and it wasn't magic as expected! Now what?
Q. We had our first kiss and it wasnt magic as expected. I am dating a guy who has been hitting on me for three years now. I am 20 he is 23 i thought i had feelings for him but yesterday when we had our first kiss i didnt enjoy. It was strange, tasted ...
A. 2 July 2016: I also think you should end it, unless you find him otherwise very attractive and can't wait to teach him how to kiss you properly. If you aren't interested in him, I think you shouldn't go on any more dates with him. It sounds to me like you have ... (read in full...)
It's my first date in years! Help?
Q. Hey, I'll make this as short as I can. I finally asked out the girl that I'm infatuated with and she said yes. We're supposed to go out for dinner in a few days. Problen is, I haven't been out on a date in so long I don't know what to do. I've been ...
A. 2 July 2016: She knows it's a date, so she knows its not to be friends. Kiss her if it feels natural/if it looks like she's about to kiss you. If you have no idea when that is, it's when you are about to say good bye, and she holds your stare with her eyes, and ... (read in full...)
I let personal issues destroy my relationship and I want her back!
Q. I met my ex 2.5 years ago. She came into my life during a really dark time and I made a huge mistake during it. In short, my self esteem took a major hit for a while and I ended up using tinder to swipe on photos in order to make myself feel good, ...
A. 2 July 2016: What you did was in the gray area. What she did was cheating. Are you sure you are ready to be with her again? When she says she loves you and hates you at the same time, that isn't a good sign at all. It means that she doesn't know how to feel ... (read in full...)
Why do some people not say hello? Especially at work?
Q. Why do some people not say hi back, especially in work or social situation? I was told once to always say hi as i walk into work or in a social situation and im introverted, saying hi is hard but i do! So why do colleagues and some others igno...
A. 29 June 2016: Some people haven't been brought up well enough to have manners. ... (read in full...)
Would you go to a reunion with a brother who blames you for Dad's alcoholism?
Q. Hello, I am the youngest of four. I have two older sisters and a brother. My dad passed away in 2008 and my mom in 2013. When my dad passed away my brother called me two days later blaming me for his death. He died of a bad liver due to drinking. My ...
A. 28 June 2016: Look, you know that your fathers addiction wasn't your fault. It isn't really anyone's fault in this case, but his own. If someone were to blame, then probably someone in your fathers childhood, but not you or your brother.
So your brother ... (read in full...)
Is it cheating if a man, married or in a relationship, has a happy ending occur after a massage?
Q. Hi ladies (and gents), I was searching for some opinion here! Long story cut short, what do you think of a married man or your spouse getting a happy ending after a massage? Would that be considered as cheating? Would you be upset if he told you...
A. 28 June 2016: Yes, it is cheating. If another woman or man placed her hand to his junk to give him the happy ending, it is also called a hand job, and is a sexual act, thus cheating. If he performed this on himself, then it is called masturbation, and is not ... (read in full...)
My gf won't be sexually intimate
Q. Hi. I've been with my gf for two and a half years. I love her to bits and I really feel she's the love of my life but she refuses to be physically intimate. We only kiss. I have a high sex drive and had a very active sex life in the past. I'm ...
A. 27 June 2016: Okay, that explains it. She's just too young. That's the thing you have to accept when you decide to date someone so many years younger than you, they may not be mature enough/ready for commitment/sexual activity. Give it another year.... (read in full...)
He just wants to argue and never says sorry.
Q. So I've been dating my guy for 8months now, but we've known each other for years as good friends. im 26 and hes 30. We both work. Lately he has been talking about taking me to see his family and talking rings and marriage and I love him but ...
A. 27 June 2016: Nope, no future. Well, unless you enjoy having no fun and having all these arguments. It's not about who is right and who is wrong. It's about the two of you not being a good match. And talking rings after 8 months? He's not serious. Just look at ... (read in full...)
My gf won't be sexually intimate
Q. Hi. I've been with my gf for two and a half years. I love her to bits and I really feel she's the love of my life but she refuses to be physically intimate. We only kiss. I have a high sex drive and had a very active sex life in the past. I'm ...
A. 27 June 2016: I also think she isn't a very sexual person. So even if you and her start having sex soon, it will be seldom. Like, maybe you will have sex every other month. If she wanted sex, but is waiting for marriage with losing her virginity, she would have ... (read in full...)
Is it too late to reach out? Do his actions speak for themselves?
Q. I've been dating someone for three months. The first two months were amazing. We saw one another 1-2 times a week and spoke daily. Our connection was wonderful. But during the last month communication on his side dropped immensely. He basically ...
A. 27 June 2016: What Cindy said.... (read in full...)
Is rejection good or bad? How does one accept and deal with rejection?
Q. I asked a female who is beautiful from work on social media if she fancied meeting me for a coffee to get to know me better. This was today, we are good friends on social media, and I decided the time was right to ask her and to seize the day. And...
A. 26 June 2016: I think if you are accusing someone of lying, you don't like them. If you actually likes her, you wouldn't say such a thing. It's about respect. If you respected her decision, and respected her as a person, you wouldn't make accusations about her ... (read in full...)
What's your opinion of age gaps? Does he really like me? Or does he have a different motive?
Q. Okay so first.. What's your opinion on age gaps?? What's to big of an age gap? There is a guy at my work ( I work in a factory) who works second shift while I work first. He is 12 years older than I am. When I very first started working there he...
A. 26 June 2016: Oh, and I can tell you this too, he is shitty in bed. If a one night stand was even something to be considered, then this is not the guy. A man whos idea of flirting is to hit someone in the boob, has no idea what he is doing. Maybe he's a virgin ... (read in full...)
What's your opinion of age gaps? Does he really like me? Or does he have a different motive?
Q. Okay so first.. What's your opinion on age gaps?? What's to big of an age gap? There is a guy at my work ( I work in a factory) who works second shift while I work first. He is 12 years older than I am. When I very first started working there he...
A. 26 June 2016: Never date anyone under half your age + 7. Yes, you are too young for him.
But, the age gap aside, he sounds like an idiot. Asking if you've ever been felt up and trying to put "something" down your bathing suit? To cop a feel, of course. ... (read in full...)
Do I keep lying to her or tell her the truth? Nothing fits any more.
Q. I been with my gf for 4 years and she has put on weight since. I'm not bothered because she is really attractive with extra weight on. However if I mention it she says she doesn't like it. So I don't mention anything anyway however now all her ...
A. 26 June 2016: Not saying something isn't the same as lying. In this case, talk is silver and silence is gold. She knows she's put on weight, doesn't need you to tell her.
But no, don't lie. If she actually ASKS for your opinion, be honest. But until asked, d... (read in full...)
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