A
female
age
51-59,
*lisa402
writes:I been with my boyfriend for 10 years over the past year our sex has dropped down to 2-3 times a month. He thinks he has control over when we do have sex of weather we have it or not. Last week I tried getting him to have sex on two nights back to back and he went to sleep instead. The next morning I left town for 3 days and come home to find out he has been masterbating to porn on tv. I am really hurt right now because the night before I left he asked me if I could wait on the booty until I got back( like I really had a choice) I went ahead and agreed I could but as soon as I leave he want to masterbate. I am thinking that I am getting sex 2-3 times a month and he must be masterbating the rest of the month. I asked him last night why does he like masterbating to porn, instead if having sex with me, and he blew up and got mad and now is making me leave. I am so hurt that he would rather masterbate then to be with me. On top of that he gets mad at me and is making me move. What should I do? How should I feel about this
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 May 2016):
 Think of it this way. Sex is often a reflection on the relationship. If the relationship is going downhill, the sex will in most cases be the first place where it is visible. The sex has dramatically changed over the last year, and he masturbates instead. So I would see this as a sign that the relationship was dying, at least on his part, and as a result he didn't want sex with you as often.
It's not about whether or not you are good to have sex with, or that he prefers his hand and porn. It's more closely related to him wanting out of the relationship and no longer being in love/in lust with you.
He sent you packing not because of this fight over sex, but because he has been looking for a way out. The fight just presented the window he was looking for, a way to get out without having to deal with the entire "where is our relationship heading"-conversation.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (16 May 2016):
 He has a porn addiction. His extreme reaction is actually a cover for his secret shame that he doesn't want others to know. He may not want you to know that his testosterone level dropped and that regular sex is not enough to satisfy him. Porn offers variety, an escape to his boring life. It's a temporary enjoyment followed by spiritual emptiness and guilt.
He already chose porn over you. If sex and affection are important to you then this relationship has to come to an end. As in other addictions like drugs and alcohol, a person has to hit rock bottom, such as losing a spouse, in order to stop the pattern and to jumpstart his life. Right now focus on yourself. Find new hobbies so you don't spend time worrying about sex and your attractiveness.
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