A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi , I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now , and our sex life is almost none existent, maybe once every two weeks. She is 19 and I'm 23 , shouldn't we be at it like rabbits ? We used to be very active , we used to buy all sorts of toys and have Sexy twice a day some days, but it just seems to have disappeared.I think I am a very active person in the respect of I'm all ways horny when I'm with her and sometimes with out, I can't help but touch her up, give her a slap on the butt and try get kinky with her , but all she reacts with is that I'm a sex pest , so I've been purposely not doing them things and waiting for her to make the move to initiate Sex, she told me three times this week we are having Sex and we haven't, because i am that bored of making all the moves and having sex same old posistions (ie me ALLWAYS on top) , I want her to initiate it, I want her to make me feel wanted for a change , I've told her this and she says if you're not happy I know where the door is. What is up with us ?
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male
reader, Aussie Guy  +, writes (6 May 2016):
anonymous
It seems all you want is sex from your girlfriend but you do not respect her. Your girlfriend probably sees you that are like so many men who will love them and leave them when you get what you want.
Leave sex until you are married then you can concentrate on developing your relationship with your girlfriend.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 How IS the sex when you have it? (other than boring) are you BOTH satisfied sexually?
My guess is, SHE isn't. And hasn't been for quite a while. Not wanting to to have fun in bed can stem from several things.
1. drop in libido. And for a girl on your age group to have a drop it is USUALLY due to either stress, fear of pregnancies, unfulfilled sex or.... not really liking sex in the first place.
2. she is no longer into you. Having sex and being enthusiastic about it, often require either acting skills or... deep affection.
3. she feels you put WAY to big an emphasis on sex and not HER. If you are "pestering" (even if you don't feel like you are, she might) her for sex, she might feel that you only really see her as a chick to dip your wick with. She might feel sex is more important than curling up watching a movie, going for a walk, going out to dinner, a show, museum etc. That HER vagina is what you are interested in, NOT her person. So many you need to considering romancing her a while.
4. Something changed in the relationship. Either a fight that hasn't really been resolved, cheating, something. I say that because you said you had a fun sex life with all kind of bed-shenanigans and it sorta just stopped. So when did it stop? What happened around that time?
5. she has gained weight. When a woman gains weight, she often feel like her partner will not enjoy her any more. That he will soon lose interest and cheat or dump her. It's pretty destructive to the libido also. She isn't happy about herself.
Now these are just suggestion and in NO way "your" fault, OP - because they can be the cause(s) to why it has dropped off.
You two DO need to talk about it. You DO need to explain that YOU want to feel needed and wanted too. That DISMISSING you, is not going to fix a thing (and I say dismissing you, because she did the "if you aren't happy, you know where the door is).
So either you two talk it out, figure out the ROOT of the issue or you TAKE her advice and leave. Find someone who DO need/want you.
If she DOES want to work it out, make it 30 days without sex. Spend time together doing other things. See how that goes.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2016):
 If your idea of making her feel wanted is to grope her, give her a slap on the butt, and then try to get kinky with her, I submit to you that you know nothing about her what gets her started on getting in the mood.
My guess is that you’d be very happy with a grope, a slap and some kinky stuff, that’s what makes you feel wanted.
What does she want and need in order to feel that sexual desire for you? Do you have any idea at all?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 BTW, this "honeymoon" phase that people talk about it something that only happens for people with a low sex drive. People with low sex drive will experience a sudden desire for more sex, more often, when they are in a new relationship. It's hormones and the thrill of a new relationship. It lasts for around 4-6 months. But for people with a high sex drive, there is no such thing as a "honeymoon" phase. I know! I have a high sex drive, and two of the 5 boyfriends I have had had a high sex drive too. After 2-3 years we were still going at it every day, or maybe twice a day. Every other day at least.
It's to do with what sex drive you have, nothing else.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (4 May 2016):
It's nothing to do with you, some people just aren't that interested in sex! It's hard to believe, because we automatically think everyone is like us, and crave as much as (or as little). But the reality is that people have different needs. Some are content and happy with once a week. Or once a month. Or once every other month. Some even go without completely. And some like it every day, every other day, twice a day etc.
The trick is really to find someone who wants sex approximately as much as you do! If you are fine with sex maximum everyday and minimum twice a week, then you need to be with a woman who prefers sex somewhere within that time scope as well. Your girlfriend apparently prefers sex only once a week, or maybe once a month. So that's too little for you, and you get frustrated, and she gets frustrated.
Bottom line is: take her up on her advice and walk out that door. Sorry to tell you, but love isn't enough to make a relationship work. It takes compatibility. And sex is a BIG part of a relationship. If there is sexual incompatibility, a relationship will never last. Never. It just doesn't happen. You can drag it out for years and grow more and more frustrated and miserable until you reach the point where you are tempted to cheat. But it is FAR BETTER to just end it now, and get on with life. Don't waste years on this, this is a common reason to end things, and a break-up is not the end of the world.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2016): She is trying to get YOU to dump HER so she can make you out to be the bad guy who complains about not enough sex. Do you two live together? Tell her SHE knows where the door is, sounds like she's a control freak.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2016): I am really sorry to hear this!To be honest, in any relationship, there is the honeymoon period and then reality kicks in, so the fact that the sex wasn't what it used to be at the beginning is normal.From your description though, she seems turned off all together. I wouldn't want to jump to any conclusions, nor would I want to draw out any negatives here, however if she is only 19, you have tried talking to her about it and she has said 'you know where the door is' ... maybe she is trying to tell you that the relationship isn't what she wants anymore, but she may be too cowardly to actually leave you and hope that it is you that leaves her.That being said, if the rest of the relationship is hunkydory and you are not getting the end of relationship vibes, and it really is just the sex... perhaps just going right back to basics is what you both need to do. The novelty of toys and whips and chains does wear off after a while and to spice things up, you need to explore each other again and make things feel new again. To do that, you both need a different approach. Instead of trying to be kinky, try loving and caring, passion. Talking from personal experience, I get very shy when talking to my partner about my wants during sex, and he asks me all of the time because he wants to please me. This is of course really thoughtful of him, however it actually makes me recoil - it could be similar for her. Perhaps she has had a change in her confidence or sexual health. Most women also really appreciate the affection and their mans time more than anything else. If there isn't much affection or quality time in other areas of your relationship, she may actually feel as though sex is just happening to satisfy a need rather than a gesture of love, which can make her feel cheap. The thing that really does stand out though is her remark of 'you know where the door is'. Without knowing anything about either of you or your relationship, I would say that this is probably the most clear sign of what she is feeling and why the sex isn't there anymore.I understand this doesn't really hit any answer on the head, but I hope it has given you a few other angles to look at.Know your worth and know that your needs and feelings are just as important as hers so don't compromise yourself in any way. You will find a lady (or guy) who you really will click with.I really do wish you the best of luck and much happiness
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