A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I been with my gf for 4 years and she has put on weight since. I'm not bothered because she is really attractive with extra weight on. However if I mention it she says she doesn't like it. So I don't mention anything anyway however now all her dresses and clothes don't fit. It's really funny, I'm in bed just relaxing whilst she struggles to fit in clothes and she is frustrating herself by looking fat in those clothes.Now I'm confused do I keep lying? I honestly couldn't care, she isn't obese, just bit chubby from sitting around. But what is weird is this denial? If I feel fat, I go to gym. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 June 2016):
 Not saying something isn't the same as lying. In this case, talk is silver and silence is gold. She knows she's put on weight, doesn't need you to tell her.
But no, don't lie. If she actually ASKS for your opinion, be honest. But until asked, don't share it. Not unless it's become a problem for you to find her attractive and it becomes an obstacle in your relationship.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (25 June 2016):
 "So this really is a female issue. Ones that are fit and healthy have no issue, ones that are overweight will usually throw the feminist card around. Again I could not care, it's just frustrating when she complains.I observe many people of holiday season are enjoying life, staying fit and looking fab so they can wear nice clothes in summer and take some pics. I'm now not allowed to take pics etc because my partner looks fat" - you say you don't care that she's gained weight, just that she's unhappy about it, yet you talk as though slimmer women are better, have no issues (not true) and are the only ones who can "look fab enough to wear nice clothes"! Ever considered your girlfriend may be picking up on that and it makes her feel worse? You don't have to say it for it to be noticeable."And most precious post about not enjoying gym and eating takeaways..well of course you won't like gym, a slim individual will never say they hate gym and prefer takeaways" - very condescending *and* highly inaccurate; slim doesn't equal healthy/fit. Lots of naturally slim people hate the gym, never go and eat junk food. Your misconceptions won't help your girlfriend.The solution is to stop assuming it's laziness and being unsupportive, just *ask* her if anything is wrong and what you can do to help. Then *listen*, don't judge. If you can't do that, which is fine, be with a girl who doesn't care if her boyfriend is insensitive and will find her struggles funny, rather than help.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 June 2016):
Your thoughts on it, if you don't care, *don't matter*.
Stop making this about you and be considerate of her. If you don't like her complaining, break up with her or find out what she thinks will help her. *You're* complaining about her complaining and about how she's upset but won't fix it. You're hardly offering help by finding it funny to watch her upset over it.
The solution is to be supportive and helpful or leave her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): It's weird how no one suggests a real solution.So this really is a female issue. Ones that are fit and healthy have no issue, ones that are overweight will usually throw the feminist card around. Again I could not care, it's just frustrating when she complains. I observe many people of holiday season are enjoying life, staying fit and looking fab so they can wear nice clothes in summer and take some pics. I'm now not allowed to take pics etc because my partner looks fat. So shall I jus pack away that camera forever? One dress size a year isn't that bad, but I don't want to hear complaints at same time.She is not fussed about money, I have plenty and she doesn't care , which is one of her qualities. I'm happy to buy her bigger clothes. And most precious post about not enjoying gym and eating takeaways..well of course you won't like gym, a slim individual will never say they hate gym and prefer takeaways. I don't go gym , perhaps one month in a year, and I don't have issues. If I complain I do something about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): I've put on weight since my fiancé started working for a take away. I had to buy new clothes, and I'm happy the way I am. Maybe take her clothes shopping.....she will feel better in clothes that fit. Also, the gym is not for everyone. I hate those places!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): If you tell her to lose weight she might just decide to lose a surplas 200 pounds in one weekend and end things with you.That way she creates her new look and finds her new lifestyle to boot.If you say to her "Im glad you put on weight.Ive always been into chubby chickz!" she also may end it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): She may think that she's out of control and that there's nothing she can do about her weight. Instead of sitting around the house, find an activity, something you can do together and that you both like. Make it fun. Dancing?Start cooking. Find recipes that are plant-based low sodium and fat. BUT do not tell her that's it's because she's fat! Do it because you like to do it :)Buy a juicer and start juicing. Stop buying/eating/drinking junk food/drinks. Change your bad habits as well. Don't single her out. If you really love her. If she likes to eat junk, tell her that YOU Need her support to lead a healthier life style as you feel a bit down... I know, it's lying, but it's temporary and it will be beneficial for you both. There are no easy solutions.Just because you still find her attractive, that doesn't mean that your feelings won't change in time. If she continues to gain weight she'll be miserable and look awful, trust me you won't like her than because she'll hate herself even more.When we gain weight, there's usually either a physical illness as a cause or mental/emotional troubles, more often than not BOTH. But positive life changes (diet, exercise, attitude) can be of VITAL help in surmounting them.You are still very young and men are blessed with faster metabolism. But, men can look good on the outside and be "broken" on the inside. Unhealthy life style negatively affects men's libido as well.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 June 2016):
 can you afford to buy her new clothes.. if so do so. give her the money and tell her to go buy some new things.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 June 2016):
"It's really funny, I'm in bed just relaxing whilst she struggles to fit in clothes and she is frustrating herself by looking fat in those clothes" - funny? Watching her struggle and stress about her weight is funny? If you wrote that right, you're very insensitive. We're constantly told what we should look like, so don't underestimate how much we're affected by weight gain.
Whilst you're busy being entertained by her unhappiness, have you considered that "sitting around" might not be the only reason she's gained weight? Maybe she's depressed? Maybe she's stressed about something? Maybe she's not well?
Rather than watching and finding it funny, ask if she's feeling okay, if something is bothering her or if she'd like to go to the gym with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): Obviously she is not happy about having gained weight. Hence the denial.
She will give in eventually and get herself some new clothes, I feel like anything you try to do or say to help in this matter will land you in hot water. It's lovely that you still think she is attractive and be sure to tell her so if she ever does complain about being "fat".
Until then I think you should just ride it out because she'll only feel like you are calling her fat if she mentions it. And if she doesn't like herself being a bit chubby she isn't going to believe that it doesn't bother you.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 June 2016):
If a man loses his money/job/social status, it is not uncommon for a woman to leave him.
If a woman loses her looks/figure/sex appeal, it is not uncommon for a man to leave her.
I have no problem with either as maximizing your options is just a human condition. Its not popular to talk about and romantic ideals are much more appealing, but that doesnt make it any less true.
With all of that, my guess is you really do mind the weight, and this is why you took time to post the story here.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 June 2016):
 The "problem" within you submittal is that YOU think that a woman will be logical when it comes to matters of her weight/physique.......
There is no logic in womens' weight issues.... Start with that, and, perhaps, you will find the answer on your own...
Good luck (you'll need it. BT/DT).....
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