A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'll make this as short as I can. I finally asked out the girl that I'm infatuated with and she said yes. We're supposed to go out for dinner in a few days. Problen is, I haven't been out on a date in so long I don't know what to do. I've been out with plenty of female friends but she's different. She's someone I want to be with. I need some pointers. Do I hold her hand as we walk? Open doors for her? Do I go in for a kiss at the end of the night if we had a good time? How do I make certain she knows I'm in it for something serious not friendship? I'm fine with her deciding I'm not the one. It's a whole lot better than getting friendzoned. I'm so rusty after so long of not being out on dates. How do I play this. Yes I know; Be myself. I just need to know what girls also expect of a guy on the first date. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 July 2016):
 She knows it's a date, so she knows its not to be friends. Kiss her if it feels natural/if it looks like she's about to kiss you. If you have no idea when that is, it's when you are about to say good bye, and she holds your stare with her eyes, and doesn't look away, but moves closer. Or, when you are hugging good bye, and she tilts her head back to look you in the eyes. Eye contact and closeness = go in for the kiss. And no tongue! Simple and easy kiss.
No holding hands, that's relationship stuff. And open doors if that's the type of person you are. No point in opening doors and pulling out chairs if you aren't actually a gentleman who always does this. You need to BE YOURSELF. If you don't get what that means, it means don't fake it or pretend to be something you are not. Such as, don't hold hands and open doors if that's not something you'd normally do.
But do pay for the date. You asked her out, and it's a date, so you pay. I always tell my friends, both male and female this. It's the one sure sign you're on a date: if the other person pays for you. If you both pay your share, then it's two friends going out. If the one who invited pays, then it is a date.
Look up some conversation topics and what to NOT talk about. It might be obvious, but never ever talk about your ex!!! Not even in brief passing. It needs to be as if you never had a love life until you met her. Any mentioning of an ex will ONLY make it appear as if you're not interested in your date, and that you secretly want your ex back. You can talk about former relationships only when it's been well established that you are in a new one, and only when the new partner has expressed their interest in it. If she asks, be polite in your answers, and never say anything negative.
And be interested in HER for heavens sake. This date isn't about making yourself look good, it's about you getting the chance to know her better. Focus on that. Don't talk about yourself unless asked. Ask her questions, listen, and get to know her better.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2016):
 If I was going out on a date with a guy, I would expect him to look and smell presentable, be friendly and smile. I would rather him just be himself and talk to me like he would talk to any other girl that he did not fancy. Light flirting is nice, so a compliment on what I was wearing or similar would be nice, you could tell her she has a nice smile or lovely hair, whatever comes natural to you. I think it would be a nice gesture to hold open the doors for her and pull out her chair, ask her would she like a drink from the bar and go and get the menus. Then from there just relax, take it easy and talk to her about anything, flirt a little if you like, but not to much. If it feels right then maybe kiss her on the cheek after dinner and tell her you had a great time and would like to see her again and see how it goes, best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2016): Take very good care of your personal hygene, put on your best clothes for the occasion,be on time to meet her,give her a flower when you meet,be your normal self,be courteous,be a gentleman and dont push your luck with her and dont force yourself regarding holding hands or kissing, especially on the first date. dont ask her to share expences as long as you are inviting her out, plan what you are going to do for the evening and let her know in advance . good luck.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 July 2016):
 If you can enjoy yourselves at dinner and you get the feel that she's single and focused on you, then you can walk her home holding hands and kiss her goodbye. The magic of the first date is that dates are unpredictable, you never know what to expect. You want to show common courtesy, at the same time you don't want to come off cliché. I would rather see a guy who has his own unique style than a guy who tries to copy everyone else. If you kiss her and hold hands, that tells her you are not in it for friendship.
A first date is an introduction of yourself, your career, your family, your lifestyle and habits with a little bit of humour mixed in. Some people feel it's more nervous than a job interview, some people feel it's easier. It may seem like a simple thing to just exchange conversations, but a lot goes on beneath the surface and body language. It's the stuff that you don't see, like pheromones and body chemistry that count a lot. Those are the things that get you to the second date.
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A
female
reader, Blanford  +, writes (1 July 2016):
Firstly,let me congratulate you on finally asking this girl out on a date. Be assured she likes you, otherwise she wouldn't have accepted your invitation. It's not easy going out on a date when you are rusty and when you realise that things have moved on since you last dated. But tbh if you're a nice guy, it won't really matter very much how long ago your last date was. What anyone says people still value manners, so there's no reason why you shouldn't hold the door open for her and help her off with her coat. You might even pull the chair out for her just don't let her land on the floor! Did you suggest where you might be taking her? What you don't want to do is to turn up in a T-shirt and jeans, when she is dressed up to the nines with a long dress and a tiara. Just make sure she knows the sort of place you're going to take her to, otherwise you could end up extremely embarrassed and unlikely to go on a second date.You should let her know that you will be paying (I am assuming you will)especially if she says she wants to pay for her own. You could always say something like: as this is our first date, I would like it to be on me.Don't forget to compliment her on her appearance,nothing too over the top.Pay attention to what she says. Have you heard of active listening? Lots of people don't actually listen to someone who's talking to them. So active listening is important. When she talks to you, respond to her with a nod of the head or an acknowledgement such as: Mmm! or: Oh!or perhaps: really! These aren't said really loudly, they are just acknowledgements that she has spoken.Don't try and impress her when choosing wine. Leave all the sniffing and the mouth rinsing to someone else!Forgive me if it seems as if I am treating you like an idiot. It is difficult to know how detailed you would like these pointers to be!When you have finished eating and you are outside the restaurant, this is the time to ask her if she would like to go for a walk or if it's pouring with rain, a cup of coffee or a drink. If she wants to go with you, then you can safely say she likes you and would like to see you again. If she doesn't want to see you again, this is her perfect opportunity to say no thanks I need to get home. Let's suppose she wants to go for a walk with you or get coffee or a drink. This is the ideal time, while you are strolling in the moonlight, to take her hand.Now it's time for you to take her home. Once you get home, help her out of the car or taxi and take her to the front door. This is your opportunity to give her a kiss. Not too hungry a kiss, respond to her first and then go on as the spirit moves you!Well, I hope you had a great date, and I wish you luck for the second date. All the best, Blanford.
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