A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm interested in some perspectives on this situation. I'm a gay woman and I've been sleeping with another woman for 8 months now. We've known each other for years but were always seeing other people, so we remained friends during that time. However, we had both gotten out of long-term relationships and decided to just have a little fun. Neither of us were over our exes and both had been hurt. So we both started this sleeping together thing by saying neither of us wanted a relationship. That was the agreement. And we very much stood by that agreement for a long while. Months and months passed, and we only hung out and slept together. Never any cuddling or kissing, and never any expression of emotions at all. As time has gone on, however, I've started to wonder if things are changing. Particularly within the last month. She's started wanting to cuddle with me all the time. Sometimes, we don't even have sex; just cuddle and fall asleep. The other night she rubbed my back til we both passed out. We've also started holding hands all the time, which we never did before. We are always together, and she's now leaving a lot of her stuff at my house. The other day, I was rather sick, and she came by with food, medicine, a get-well card, and a stuffed animal. It was incredibly sweet. She texts me she misses me and wishes she could be laying next to me in bed.Anyway, long story short, I feel like I'm in a relationship, just without the title. Which I'm more than okay with. But I suppose I'm curious what people's thoughts are. I'm afraid to ask her to be exclusive, even though neither of us are sleeping with other people, because I don't want anything to change and I love what we have. And I'm not sure if it would freak her out. I wouldn't mind being together, but I don't know how to proceed. I don't want to ruin it by mentioning commitment. Should I just ride it out and play it by ear?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 July 2016):
 8 months is quite a long time, off course you are both going to develop some sort of feelings. It does sound like things are developing between you more and more. Are you satisfied with what you have now at the moment or would you like the title? You can just be honest with her and tell her how you feel, you know her better than anyone, so you should have a good indication if she will freak out or not, nothing needs to change, but I think you should be honest with her about what you want, from her side it is clear she has feelings.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 July 2016):
 I think you may be putting the cart before the horse. I read your post and it had everything to do with how you respond to her. I didn't see anything about how you feel about her. Yes, you both started sleeping together on the rebound. Yes, you are both FWB.
Now, her behavior might look like she has developed feelings for you, but you didn't mention anything about your feelings toward her, only that you'd be "more than okay" with being in a relationship with her.
This shouldn't be a "Roll with it because it sounds like it's fine". You both have been hurt before, so you need to know if you have feelings for her, not just that it's nice how she's treating you.
What is it you want??? Is she Ms. Right, or is she Ms. Right Now?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 July 2016):
 Don't fix what isn't broken. If you love your current arrangement, then don't say anything about it. Just enjoy it. Play it by ear if you want to. Or, you can "test" her boundaries by asking her to attend typical relationship happenings. Like, going to the movies together, being seen out in public holding hands, maybe introducing her to your friends. When introducing her, just call her "this is my friend -insert name-". If she wants to be exclusive and in an official relationship, she will then bring it up later on. The introduction part is a proven way to test where the other person stands, and if they want to be introduced as something other than a friend, their expression will show it.
Btw, you are in a relationship. Just not an official one.
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