A
female
age
18-21,
*iWisp
writes:Errh', okay - so I'm fairly young, just turned 13 a few days ago. I have a very serious relationship with a boy, who is about a year and a few months older than me. (I'm off to gr. 8, and he's off to gr. 9.)It's extremely obvious that he absolutely adores me, because yes - he gives me the eyes - and just states from the top of his head of how amazing I am. How everyone says that this relationship isn't going to last, and that he'll show them.We've been dating now for around 8/9 months - and have literally everything in common. I'm actually fairly ugly in real life, and get bullied by 99% of the people I know - with the exception of my ''small crowd'' as I call it. Also, he gets bullied as well - so obviously we aren't any of those ''cool kids'', who end up losing their virginity at like - 15.Anyways, his best friend, who is 15, has currently moved on to 2nd base (touching with clothes on), with his girlfriend, who is my best friend.Very embarrassed he was when he asked me to maybe do the ''same that they were doing''. He muttered it, and didn't talk to me for like - the next 30 minutes. So, obviously he isn't some jerk who just uses girls. Also, I'm his first - and he is my first. I replied later on to that question, by stating that maybe, that I wasn't sure - and I'll answer that question later on. Pfft', I probably won't even have the wits.Based on development, I am almost fully developed, with a breast-size of Bs - almost on to Cs.I do honestly care about him, a lot.Most likely how much he cares for me.Honestly, I do kind of want to move on to second base - maybe just 1.5 base or something, like a boob-only rule. I am not planning to lose virginity until I am at least 3 years into marriage.Yes, we have made out before - tongue kissed, ETC.I am very ahead of school, and so is he.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (15 July 2016):
Ok - you're 13. I'll get right to it - you have not a single idea what "a very serious relationship" is, let alone be in one. That you think you are shows your a bit to green to be taking your relationship in such a direction.
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (14 July 2016):
I agree with all of the aunts' comments so far. In addition, you don't want to get a reputation for being easy. You know exactly what's happening with his best friend and his girlfriend. It'll be the same for you...guys talk, especially at that age. You want to keep both your self-respect and the respect of others. Which means that you don't do anything that will be gossiped to the rest of the school, parents, teachers and so on. If your relationship with him dissolves because you don't go as far as he wants, that will effectively be a merit badge for you. The farther you go with him, the more of a black mark it will be.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 July 2016):
 Cool kids aren't the ones who have sex way too young. That's messed up kids. Having sex isn't the same as being cool, and the age limit is there for a reason. One very good reason being that when you have sex you risk pregnancy and STD's. Two things teenagers and those not mature enough, really fail to understand and protect themselves against. Do you want a baby? No? Then no sex.
Second reason being that when you are 13, you're still just a kid. You're not mature enough to concent. It's statutory rape if you have sex. The one you were to have sex with is NOT able to concent either, no matter how many stereotypical versions of the sex-fixated boy we see on TV, that is just a stereotype. Boys below the age of concent can NOT agree to have sex, it is statutory rape if you try to have sex with one of them. It doesn't matter what breast size you have, or how physically developed you are. You're still a kid, and it's illegal.
So what is sex and sexual? You know it when you get to that point. Keep your hands away from the genital areas as a rule of thumb.
PS. I really wonder if you wrote this wrong, you want to wait 3 years INTO A MARRIAGE before having sex? Or wait 3 years and then get married and then have sex?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (14 July 2016):
 I like that you want to wait for sex until 3 years into marriage - that's a good idea for a 13 year old.However, you've only been 13 for a few days and you shouldn't already be making out. You're growing up too fast, OP. Relationships of any kind need to be age-appropriate and yours is already over-stepping that, so I'd tell your boyfriend that you don't need to rush things just because other people are doing them. If he respects you, he'll agree to wait. I strongly advise waiting until 16 because you need to be strong enough to say no if it goes further.Do your parents know about this relationship and how far it's going? I think it may be a good idea for you to tell them, if not, so they can talk to you about it in person :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 July 2016):
 Slow down, honey. You are 13! I don't know the laws in your country, but, by and large, ( USA, most European countries )you are not supposed to engage , and people is not supposed to let you / make you engagé, in sexual contacts.
Sexual contact is defined as any touching of the sexual or other intimate parts of a person ( breasts, buttocks, groin and inner thighs, ) for the purpose of gratifying sexual desire of either party .It includes the touching by the actor of the underage subject, and / or viceversa , whether directly or THROUGH CLOTHING.
Now, if you tell me that no policeman in his right mind is going to arrest two kids making out on a park bench because they are under the age of consent ( 16, or 18 ) that's true, and luckily so. Police ,and society, have much more important things to monitor your bf's erections.
BUT : age does make a difference. There are tons of places where , if the girl is 14 or younger, that would be definitely chargeable as sexual misconduct. Even child molesting , in lack of close-in-age regulations ( " Romeo-and-Juliet clause ). And most importantly, even if the girl is a willing partecipant.
Now, again, -no, they aren't going to lock you up for some heavy-petting session.
But, YES; you should think. If jurisprudence all over the world, in different expressions and formulations, concurs on the fact that kids under 14 should not be having ANY sexual contacts - well, they must have their own very good reasons to say so, other than spoiling your fun, don't they ?
( And French kissing at twelve ?? Sorry OP, but... that's just sick.
You may have " almost C cups " - so what, by that age I was a D cup. Yet, by any other aspect than biologically, I was , and you were, a CHILD .Legally, socially, culturally, emotionally, and psychologically )
No rush. You are under social and hormonal pressure to explore and try new stuff- but you don't necessarily have to yield to pressure . Particularly when it does not reflect your own wants and needs. And I guess it really does not , if you reckon you won't have sex until at least 3 years into marriage.... ( how are you going to pull this off, and what your husband is gonna say, that's another story... )
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2016): Being a girl/woman means that boys/men will be making passes at you.
This includes the guys you are in a relationship with, and the guys who would like to be, the guy who know you as a friend and would like to turn it up a notch . . . and even plenty of total strangers who would like to pull you into the nearest closet for some action, if they could.
This is just part of being an adult. Your attractiveness gives you power and you have to learn to manage it well. If you don't learn to handle it and be firm then other people will take advantage of you.
Don't give in to doing ANYTHING with ANYONE that you don't really want to do - EVER.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2016): Well, if this makes any sense; you were 12 longer than you've been 13. So maybe you need to be 13 a little longer before moving to 2nd base. The rule is, boys only get to go as far as the girl lets him. So, if you're not ready and just doing things because of your what your friend is doing; that means you're just competing with her. Not doing what you want to do.
If you could really be honest, I think you're happy doing what you've been doing. You don't really want do much more than that. That's really okay. Take as much time as you want. If he asks and you say not yet, he'll be relieved.
He's not ready either. If your friends ask, just say you did.
You both get along famously, and you don't have to brag to your friends. You're doing just fine.
You can't wait 3 years into marriage before sex. You may lose your husband. Three years after 14 or 15 is more realistic.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2016):
 Having boundaries is good, as LONG as you can stick to them. Even if he REALLY REALLY like you it doesn't mean you have to do something you aren't ready for. You just have to tell him you aren't ready.
Tell him your limits and hopefully he will respect those. So stick to them. Yours standards are yours. (even if some might be a little unrealistic, but a 13 maybe that is a good thing).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2016): If he wants to do anything that would take your relationship beyond a PG rating, tell him that you want to wait for that! If he's worth it he'll understand.
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