A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi. Okay so where should I start. Last year I met this guy online and after a few months we met up (publicly and locally of course). We...well after a little while I guess we got carried away and started making out etc (minus sex). I realised quickly how stupid I was for meeting basically a stranger and making out etc with him so I blocked all forms of contact and for some reason was panicking. Like what if..he was filming or someone was watching or whatever.. I'm almost positive that wasnt the case but still. So anyway we haven't spoken for quite a few months but he keeps enterinh my mind and part of me wants to see him again. I dont know whats wrong with me. I know for sure that I dont have feelings for him or anything like that. I dont want to enter a relationship with hi I dont think but I want to see him again? Okay so you probably have already figured out that we didn't just kiss , but then we didnt have sex either. That was my first time so much as kissing a guy and seeing his business (to use a nicer word), is that why I can't get him out of my head? Im not obsessed or anything, just every so often, say when I'm turned on for example, he comes into my mind and then i get more turned on. I don't know whats wrong with me but I know that meeting up with him was a mistake and could have been dangerous and i just want to forget about him but want to see him again at the same time. Advice please?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 July 2016):
 You knew it was a mistake, but it gave you a thrill, you are at an age where hormones are raging, mix that with the thrill of being with a stranger and being intimate and you have fireworks. Am guessing you want to feel that thrill again, I would imagine that is a normal enough way to feel. However I would suggest not meeting this man again, it sounds like he wants to get in to your pants, and well you are still at a tender age where I think it is important to take things slow, get to know someone first and let things develop once there is feelings involved and you have had time to think about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2016): Spot on female anonymous reader! I agree 1000%!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2016): I am glad you realize what you did was dangerous! Even if you met him through a friend of a friend you'd only have a character reference - and only the character he SHOWS them. It was smart to talk first and meet in public. When you said you got carried away you mean you left the public safe spot and made out etc.? Or you mean after a few dates you trusted him enough to make out? Either way, he wanted to get you alone and get physical ASAP.You we're smart to block him! He'll just expect more, more, more and soon, soon, soon. You have no feelings for him and don't want to enter a relationship with and you sound smart enough to not want to just get physical with him.So what DO you want with him? If it's just the talking and flirting, you were unfortunately talking to the wrong guy. KEEP him blocked. Next time, seek out a boyfriend in your circle of friends and acquaintances, group dates only for awhile. Be OPEN with your parents. If you don't want a boyfriend, don't date!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2016): I think before we suggest meeting-up with him again. Tell us more about his age and something you know about him. The thing about meeting people online, is you may not know what they look like until you meet them for the first time. True that you have the same risks meeting face to face; but the meeting was setup unbeknownst to your parents. This isn't a debate on the safety of meeting online; it's about common-sense and safety.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2016):
 I don't think meeting him and fooling around should be deemed as a mistake just because you happened to meet him online, as opposed to meeting him in real life. You met somewhere local and public. Not stupid at all. And even if you HAD known him from before, do you know that about 90% or more of all sexual assaults and rapes, and that includes filming or taking pictures, happens with someone you KNOW. It's not some stranger who jumps out from the bushes, or someone you have only spoken to once, that preset the real danger, actually. The danger of being used and taken advantage of, or being raped, is there with all men... sadly. Even the ones you think you know, even the ones you call your friends.
The way I see it, you didn't do anything stupid at all. You blocked him for some reason or other, maybe you didn't really feel comfortable going that far with someone you don't know well, and blocking him was fine. You're allowed to do this. You decide who you want to talk to or not. Just don't think you were stupid or made a stupid or dangerous choice. I think you acted just fine. I've also met up with people I met online, it's not really that problematic.
I think the reason you think about him when you are horny is just that he was your first sexual experience. Not that you had intercourse, but like you said, he was the first guy you kissed/touched that way, and it's a sexual experience. It was sex, just to get that one out in the open. Whenever someones "junk" or "equipment" is involved, it is sex. Intercourse on the other hand, is a specific sexual act. But touching and kissing down there etc, are also sexual acts. So I think that's why your mind goes to him, because he is your point of reference when it comes to this matter.
Talk to him again if you want to, but perhaps it's less awkward to just start talking to someone new? And keep on meeting at local and public places, and let someone know where you're going to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2016): You are a young person and you are experiencing the hormonal surges of puberty. You took a very serious risk. Although everything turned out okay, the rush and the excitement of being with a guy for the first time was a complete turn-on.
You are tempted to experience that excitement again, but this is where you had better pay attention to common-sense.
The problem with doing something stupid and surviving the possible dangers, offers the temptation to try it again for the sake of the rush and immediate gratification of the thrill. Throwing all caution to the wind!
That risk taking could get you abducted, raped, or even
killed. I'm going to put great emphasis on the dangers, because you did it secretly. No one would have known where you were or whom you were with. So get that guy out of your head; because the more you dwell on it, the more temped you'll be to do something risky and dangerous once again.
Oh you say how you know better, but you're also a kid. The little voices in your mind will try to convince you it really wasn't so bad. After-all, you got by without a scratch and he didn't seem dangerous. I'm almost sure this guy was older than you. He showed you his privates knowing you were an under-aged girl; and he could most likely be an online predator. Yes, I am giving you a lecture. I have a co-worker with a missing niece who left the house one day three years ago, and she has never been found since. Her face is on milk cartons. You cannot imagine what her parents and family are going through. Nobody knows what she could be suffering, suffered, or if she is even alive. She was only 15!
So that being said young lady, keep those fantasies just that. Fantasies! You won't forget him, because it was a new experience for you, and it was exciting. You should not allow your idle-mind to dwell on things like that. It's best you use some of that time doing things that are good for you and fun; other than messing around with boys.
If only your parents knew, then they'd monitor your online activities better. You are young and we expect you to explore and make bad decisions. You're just a kid. Just remember, your parents are trusting you to use responsibility and to stay safe. They look bad to everyone if anything should happen to you. The first thing that everyone will wonder is, why didn't her parents know what she was doing and who she's with? They would never forgive themselves if anything ever happened to you. They love you.
No, you don't want to see him again. Just like he found you, he's finding other girls willing to take risks and put their very lives in danger for the thrill of it. Even if he was your age, he lured you away to meet you in secret. A boy can be just as dangerous as a man; knowing he might get away with doing something bad, and no one would ever know the difference. If he raped you, who are you going to tell?
Nobody, because you'd have to explain why you were there in the first place. Then you'd still have to live down the horror and trauma even if you did tell. If he found out where you live or followed you, he could stalk you.
Sweetie, I don't want you to think I'm being mean and judgemental, or trying to scare you. I care about kids, and I feel it's my responsibility to advise you; when your parent's back is turned. "It takes a village" as they say! It's very responsible of you to seek advice. On that, I commend you!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 July 2016):
 It's a crush, it happens. You've hopefully learnt to slow things down, but I wouldn't go back to him because it's messy.It will fade over time, but you need to be patient. When you're dating at such a young age, keep it public, don't wander off to somewhere that things could get carried away.
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