A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I lost my twin brother, actually i feel like i lost half my soul. I am never going to be the same person again because half of me has died. Family give reasons and excuses and say everything will work out. We had always been together, never one moment without the other. We were silly, stupid and strange but we were together. This year my parents gave me birthday cards but nothing was mentioned about Zack, it's his birthday too. Guess they want me to forget Reply to this Question
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female
reader, miss frank +, writes (9 July 2016):
Hi. I am so sad that you lost your brother. I'm sad for you all to have lost him. I can only imagine how heartbroken you must all be. Please know that people deal with grief so differently, and this is what is happening.
Please go get some grief counselling for yourself. Maybe your parents could be told you are doing this so you can try and come to terms with the hole this leaves in you. You will be able to explore the feelings you have towards how they are dealing with his death top at the sessions.
A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (9 July 2016):
 I think your parents are too grief stricken to bring up his memory. I think you should not hold that against your parents. If they love you, your parents sure love your twin because he is just another you. As just another you, then seek purpose for yourself so that he may live it also. Whatever you experience he probably does also, and your grief is something that he also feels. If you are spiritual, and you should be, then that grief is not making him feel good. I think that if you focus your life to live it just the way he would have wanted to live his, you will overcome the grief of this tragedy.
Remember, you are now living for him, so live right.
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A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (9 July 2016):
 I am sorry for your loss. Alot of good replies to this one but I do have to add, because I am not sure this has quite been teased out, that your parents are grieving as well so you have to be mindful that everything you are going through so are they. I dont believe that they want to forget him in any way. I am sure they cant and I am sure they feel as utterly lost as you do.
You have to bear this in mind and try not to turn on them which you kind of are by thinking they want you to forget him - he was their son after all. Its important you remember this because it creates common ground between you and your parents and indeed this is something you do need to do, come together as a family through this, but as has been said you cant force your parents to deal with their grief the way you want them too. Just as dealing with it your way is your choice, so that is theirs.
In terms of what you do, you have to work through what you are feeling paitently, and maybe with professional help if you feel that is appropiate. Its not going to be easy, its going to take time, and if we are being honest, your right, your life will be forever changed BUT that fact does not in any way preclude healing. You will be different but you will heal and hopefully eventually overcome this and gain strength. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2016): Hi a good source of support in the UK are Cruse Bereavement Care (www.cruse.org.uk). They are a charitable organisation and were a great help to me when my father died.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 July 2016):
 Not all people know how to deal with grief or how to console others. Even if they are adults, and you expect them to. They just don't know how to do it. I am sorry for your loss, but this is something it seems you need to handle on your own, without the support of your family. Or, you could give it a last try by writing your family a letter, telling them how you feel and asking if they would honour your brother with you by doing certain things. Maybe light a candle for him on your birthdays. Or visit his grave on a regular basis. You should try to think of ways that you feel are good ways to honour him, and ask if they will join you. If not, then do it yourself, without them. People grieve very differently, and some just don't want to talk or think about it. While others need to talk about it.
You will never get through the grief of the loss, it will always be with you. But you will learn to live with it, so that it does not dominate your life or become an obstacle for you. But you will never forget, you will never stop missing him, you will never "get over it", so to speak. It's a part of your life now, and will always be with you. But that doesn't mean you will always cry, or always feel pain. In time, you will accept it as a part of your life history, something that is always there and never will change, but something you can live it, and something that can even give you strength.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2016): i forgot to mention the connection of love is nothing to do with sexual love.
It is to do with people feeling a link with someone even after their absence.
It is about talking about the good times and the bad.
Dont forget you have a highcp chance of having twins yourself.
If for example your partner was also a twin or the survivor of twin then it would be 100% chance.
Ahh the patter of tiny feet!
But its early days so far so seek out as much help as you can and mark out a memorial day for your brother once a year but talk about him as much as you like and get your folks talking too.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (9 July 2016):
 I am sorry for your loss. Losing someone we love is I think, the hardest factor in life. I don't think your parents want you to forget your twin brother who you were close to-he was also their son. But every one deals with grief differently. When my father passed away, I wanted to talk about him and find out more about him. My little brother grieved by not mentioning him often and became angrier. My mother wouldn't mention our dad for a long time. Your parents are dealing with their sadness in a different way and maybe, they feel they would only hurt you by mentioning your brother. Talk to them. You are a family! You need to communicate about this. Let them know how you feel and how you've been feeling and if anything, it's perfectly okay to cry and comfort one another. Everything will eventually be "okay" but it will never be the same. I was angry when people told me that all would be all right, an uncle even told me he'd be my father and that hurt more than helped. But again, people deal differently. One day you'll wake up and it will hurt just a little less. You'll never stop missing him but eventually, you'll be able to use your memories for comfort. The other day I found myself laughing hysterically over the memory of my dad making fun of a rock band I used to enjoy. A song of theirs came on the radio and I laughed myself to tears. I'll miss him forever, he understood me more than anyone else. But I'm happy I had him as a father. Keep your memories strong and if you need to talk to someone, do so. Keep Zack's memory alive. Every year on my dad's birthday, I order his favorite dessert and share it with my siblings. We then go out to the beach and have a ceremony. It's no longer sad cause as we've thought it through, our father was a happy man who hated being down. If we sulked, he'd make us laugh with silly voices and faces. Try to honor your brother in a way that's meaningful to YOU. My friend enters a skateboarding event every single year to honor the boyfriend she lost. Losing someone is difficult-but stay strong and though it's okay to feel sad, remember too that the person who loved you wouldn't you grieving endlessly. Again, talk to your parents they may need to know from you that it's okay to talk about your brother and it's okay to be sad. I got so sick of being told to "move on" and "don't cry." Pushing down my emotions only suffocated me. Do what feels best for you at this very difficult time. Remember that your twin brother loved you and live life to the fullest. I wish you the best, hon.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 July 2016):
 It sounds like you all need bereavement counseling. You can't force your parents, but you can do something for your self. You don't hav to go through this on your own.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2016): No your parents want to keep you this side of life and altho Zac is on their minds they are avoiding talking in case it upsets you!
This of course makes it worse when you have lost 1\2 your soul.
As twins you have a very strong bond forever and you will never forget your brother.
In fact as time goes in you will bond stronger when you accept that you both came from eternity and will return to eternity.
If you were to seek out a spiritualist group they would help you to come to terms with this because they believe the two worlds are linked through love and they have many expressions that can ease the heartache.
I lost twins once, two boys and i was more upset about the way people treated me thereafter than the actual loss of my sons.
Counselling also helps to cope with loss and family counselling can help a bereaved family move forward!
Its a good idea to talk about your twin whenever you want to because the void is what seems unnatural.
Your folks maybe delighted you want to talk as they feel the loss also.
Finally there are bereavement groups for twin survivors because many twins go through this process and these people acknowledge and comfort.
If nothing else just say to mum one day "Zac would just love this meal/music/movie/holiday place etc" because it gives her and dad the chance to open up and talk about zac and his exploits.
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