| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 17 April 2012: My perspective is that if anything women are becoming just as helpless as men. Or that men are actually becoming more helpless than women, once you lift your gaze and take a look at the society at large and not just your group of friends. If ... (read in full...)
Really unhappy in this relationship, is it just me? Or is he actually treating me badly?
Q. So ive been with my current bf a year and this is my first serious relationship and we live together. He however is a divorcee who has been in several committed realtionships. (He is a decade older than me.) Ive been seriously debating whether...
A. 17 April 2012: Here, read these for a look at other people in a similar situation to yours financially:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-is-financially-dependent-on-me-will.html
http://www.de... (read in full...)
Really unhappy in this relationship, is it just me? Or is he actually treating me badly?
Q. So ive been with my current bf a year and this is my first serious relationship and we live together. He however is a divorcee who has been in several committed realtionships. (He is a decade older than me.) Ive been seriously debating whether...
A. 17 April 2012: I find it hard to believe that the majority of you think the girl in a relationship has a right to expect her boyfriend pays her way when she is not working. And to demand pocket money as well. That is called free riding. I don't think this girl has ... (read in full...)
27 and never been in a relationship, how do I put my looks and shyness aside to meet a girl?
Q. Hi, I'm just looking for dating advice for a very shy, confident-less person really, but I'll give you some back story. I'm 27 year old male living in a small UK town and i've never had a proper relationship, this is not from me being a 'playa',...
A. 16 April 2012: "I'm also worried that even if I reach my health goals I still won't gain any confidence."
But if you reach your health goals you will be more attractive to more women. That means you will have more women who are interested in you, and this mor... (read in full...)
25 year old friend of mine having sex with a 16 year old, is this wrong?
Q. Short question for you all. A male friend of mine is 25.He is dating a 16-year old girl,and they are having sex. I can't help but think it's wrong.Am I totally out of line??...
A. 16 April 2012: It is legal, but it says something about his level of maturity. If he feels he is compatible with a 16 year old then.. well... maybe a girl is age is just too much for him to handle?
Or, they connect at a personal level and share a deep bond tha... (read in full...)
She wants me to change the date of our trip just to fit in plans with her friend! What should I do?
Q. Hello, I've got a serious misunderstanding with my girlfriend. We've been together for 8 months, I love her and I hope she loves me too. This february we started planning our summer trip abroad, let's call this country Telaxia. We have de...
A. 16 April 2012: Play it cool. Then see what happens. I this case it sounds like maybe your girlfriend is prioritizing wrongly, or she is testing you, or she just needs some time to set herself straight. The best way to find out what you should do is to delay your ... (read in full...)
What is the average time for a couple to move in together?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now, i asked him if he wants kids with me and he said yes, but I'm wondering what is the average time it takes a couple to move into together? He is making efforts for me he met my mom and sister and for ...
A. 16 April 2012: That depends on the couple. I don't think there is any average time for this, because it variates so much. I moved in after 1 month with an ex. He proposed after 4 months. We split up after around 16 months.
Another one I planned to move in with ... (read in full...)
I've been depressed recently but my boyfriend said he cant deal with me when I'm like this! Shouldnt he be supporting me?
Q. Is it OK for my boyfriend to seem unable to deal with my new depressed attitude? For the last couple days I've been very depressed due to the loss of a friendship and just life going wrong in general. Because of this, I've became very insecure and ...
A. 16 April 2012: People are different... but you can't expect that everyone knows how to "deal" with you. If you are depressed then you need to seek professional help, not lean on your boyfriend and drain him of all his energy. That will just kill your relationship. ... (read in full...)
Really unhappy in this relationship, is it just me? Or is he actually treating me badly?
Q. So ive been with my current bf a year and this is my first serious relationship and we live together. He however is a divorcee who has been in several committed realtionships. (He is a decade older than me.) Ive been seriously debating whether...
A. 16 April 2012: "its not the age difference that bothers me, its just the way he patronizes me and says I dont really understand what a relationship is really about, as I am younger and this is my first serious relationship."
Correction: it IS the age differen... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 16 April 2012: "Every single day I see married people coming to work with McDonald and Burger King bags and their wives sitting on the sofa watching TV. I.. myself cannot not figure out what has gone wrong." Yup, they should have learned to make their own lunch,... (read in full...)
Is it still cheating if I was with a girl not a guy?
Q. hey guys..so last nite i had friends over..two girls and a guy..we had some vodka and ended up drunk..this girl and guy left about 2am..and i was left with the other girl..we went inside the house and had sex..it was my first wit a girl.she is ...
A. 15 April 2012: It is cheating as long as it is something you can't or wont tell your boyfriend about. Yes, sex with a girl is just as bad as sex with a boy unless your boyfriend has given you permission beforehand. ... (read in full...)
She stops to chat with people but never introduces me?
Q. my girlfriend has a habit of stopping in stores to talk to people she knows, this would seem fine and all but she treats me like a stranger the minute she see's them. Weather it's a man or woman she never introduces me and normally steps to another ...
A. 15 April 2012: Just start to introduce yourself. I don't think she realizes this hurts you. Have you told her you'd like her to introduce you so that you can feel included?
Many times I skip introducing people if the other people are just someone I meet in ... (read in full...)
I cry way too much!
Q. I know this website's for relationships, it seems to be a great help for almost any problem. So here's mine. Although I don't know what kind of answer I'm expecting, it's more to get it off my chest. I have a problem. That problem is, I cry way too ...
A. 15 April 2012: I forgot to say one last, important thing: Be proud of yourself. Look at you, working 8 hours and a shift that you don't even like, but you do it. You are not lazy, you are hardworking, you take your responsibilities seriously, and you are mature ... (read in full...)
I cry way too much!
Q. I know this website's for relationships, it seems to be a great help for almost any problem. So here's mine. Although I don't know what kind of answer I'm expecting, it's more to get it off my chest. I have a problem. That problem is, I cry way too ...
A. 15 April 2012: I think your crying might be a way to shield yourself from feeling other feelings. Other feelings scare you, so you cry instead. Feelings such as embarrassment, disappointment, hurt, anger etc. You cry instead of feeling these other feelings. ... (read in full...)
Fiance has lost her trust in me because I sext other women
Q. I need some advice, Me and my fiance have been together for nearly 2 years and we have been fine. However, there have been times where for some reason I would sext other women. I can't say for sure why I did it, I just did. When she found out ab...
A. 15 April 2012: You already had your second chance and you blew it "without knowing why". I say unless you find out WHY you keep doing yourself this disservice then you wont get far. You say you went to counseling because of this, didn't you discover anything about ... (read in full...)
I arranged to go away with husband but now he is hedging about me going!
Q. Several months ago my husband invited me to attend an out of town meeting with him, in another city for a week. He has invited me lots of times because it's like a mini-vacation. I enjoy the hotel gym, the pool, and go shopping while he's in ...
A. 15 April 2012: "Even though I suspect we'll not have dinner with the class a single time because he won't want me to know she's there"
Or he doesn't want her to know he is married. He doesn't want to introduce you. He is hiding you away. I would try to have mys... (read in full...)
I need to know if my girlfriend honestly does not remember performing oral sex on this guy in high school!
Q. Hi aunts and uncles im actually a veteran on this site been on it for 5 years giving advice and now im going to need some. Ok so ive been with my girlfriend for a year now but in the begining she wanted to know my sexuall past so i told her and in ...
A. 13 April 2012: For the record, I had a boyfriend who was a virgin when we got together. I asked about his sexual experience, just to confirm that he actually was a virgin (want to go easy on the guy for his first time you know). He said he had absolutely no ... (read in full...)
I need to know if my girlfriend honestly does not remember performing oral sex on this guy in high school!
Q. Hi aunts and uncles im actually a veteran on this site been on it for 5 years giving advice and now im going to need some. Ok so ive been with my girlfriend for a year now but in the begining she wanted to know my sexuall past so i told her and in ...
A. 13 April 2012: "To chi girl its not that she did it its that she didnt tell me"
Why would she tell you? Did you say to her "I want to know about every penis you have ever touched or seen"?
Why is it so weird that she likes some privacy? You talked about the... (read in full...)
Is my dad right in telling me I let my social life get in the way of more important things?
Q. This is probably going to sound really petty, but I need some advice. My dad is kinda dictating what my life should be like. I have arranged spend the day and watch a movie tomorrow with my best friend, whom lives in a different city than I. We ...
A. 13 April 2012: I think you made the right call. You work and study and have enough money to lend your dad 4000 dollars. That says something about your economy going in the right direction, and everyone should have time to themselves to relax and be with friends or ... (read in full...)
I need to know if my girlfriend honestly does not remember performing oral sex on this guy in high school!
Q. Hi aunts and uncles im actually a veteran on this site been on it for 5 years giving advice and now im going to need some. Ok so ive been with my girlfriend for a year now but in the begining she wanted to know my sexuall past so i told her and in ...
A. 13 April 2012: I need to ask you WHY you care so extremely much about knowing this? You claim over and over that it doesn't bother you, but still, here you are, all hot and bothered.
This is something that must have happened over a year ago, perhaps more pro... (read in full...)
Does my girlfriend enjoy being slapped during sex and lies to me about it?
Q. I have a wonderful girlfriend- we get along super well and even though we have disagrements, we never fight and have a great chemistry. A few years ago, she came out of a bad relationship where the guy she was with would insult her, call her 's...
A. 13 April 2012: Why on earth would she lye about it???
If you find it hard to drop the issue then you need to investigate in yourself why YOU can not let it go. Try to accept that more often than not the world isn't full of secrets and conspiracies, the truth is... (read in full...)
Why do people think the opposite sex cant be just friends
Q. Hi just a quick question why do people always assume that a woman and a man can't be friends without there being more to it this man and me met through my step sister and we get on well (as friends) but people always say they don't believe we are ...
A. 13 April 2012: People who themselves find it impossible to have a strictly friendly relationship with the opposite sex will find it difficult to understand that OTHERS can have such a platonic relationship. I don't have male friends, except for family members. ... (read in full...)
I feel like a freak because I don't want children!
Q. Is it weird that I don't want children? Sometimes I feel like a freak. All the women in my family are VERY fertile, they all have kids and most started at young ages. Even all the men in my family have or want children. So when I tell my mother and ...
A. 13 April 2012: I don't think you should call it selfish to not want children. Maaaany choose to have children for selfish reasons! I don't know how many teenagers decide they want a cute, little baby even without having any means to care for it. Now if you ask me ... (read in full...)
How important are looks when already in a relationship?
Q. How important are looks when already in a relationship. I know there has to be an initial attraction but after that? My problem is that by using make-up, the right clothes (like a padded bra), heels - I can look far more attractive than ...
A. 13 April 2012: "My problem is that by using make-up, the right clothes (like a padded bra), heels - I can look far more attractive than I actually am"
No you can't. You're working what you've got, you're not using MAGIC you know. You're wearing a padded bra, you... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 13 April 2012: About buttons and gender roles.. I have to pitch in something that I found provocative to be honest. Here in Norway there's a clothing store for men that has a "button guarantee". The buttons are guaranteed to not fall off. If they happen to fall ... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 13 April 2012: Oh Cerberus, I want to live in your house. It sounds lovely to just press a button and have the floors automatically washed...... (read in full...)
How can I get my daughter's BF to move out?
Q. My daughter is 18 and her boyfriend is 23. He has had many problems and it resulted in a felony when he was only 19 or 20. They had their own place and recently we all moved in together. He doesn't work and she pays for everything. He seems to think ...
A. 13 April 2012: Move out. Your issues with him blew into this when you started living with him.
As a final good-bye tell your daughter the honest truth about how you feel about him, and then never mention it again. You want your daughter to be able to come to ... (read in full...)
I arranged to go away with husband but now he is hedging about me going!
Q. Several months ago my husband invited me to attend an out of town meeting with him, in another city for a week. He has invited me lots of times because it's like a mini-vacation. I enjoy the hotel gym, the pool, and go shopping while he's in ...
A. 13 April 2012: Well, this is a tough situation. And a horrible one for you to be in.
If I were you I'd probably do the same as you: be dead set at going. And then make a stance. Make myself noticed by his other coworkers, putting myself there in their faces if... (read in full...)
I'm talking to a guy online and using a fake photo of me! Will he be mad when he finds out?
Q. I created a fake profile while pretending to be this really gorgeous girl. Basically I took her photos off online because she has a beauty blog and videos etc so they were very easy to get. I feel bad because there is a cute guy that I talk to all ...
A. 13 April 2012: How will he find out it's not you? And do you honestly see a future with this man?
I don't think this man (or boy, you don't say his age) cares either way. It sounds like he is having some sort of sexual relationship with you by cybering, and no o... (read in full...)
Is it normal for sexual orientation to shift over time?
Q. Is it normal for your sexual orientation to change over time? When I was around 15-17, I identified as bi, then for a couple years something changed (no reason, it just did) and I was pretty much exclusively into guys, and now (when I'm 19) I'm ...
A. 12 April 2012: I think it is perfectly normal. ... (read in full...)
How can I have a relationship when I don't trust women?
Q. All I have in this world is my balls and my word. And I don't trust women. I am not saying they're all bad. I just think when the times get tough, they disappear. And when the times are good, they love you. Am I wrong? With an attitude like this, ...
A. 12 April 2012: "Seeing a psychiatrist may end you up on mind-altering drugs, and they tend to string you along and make you dependent on them. They are the dogs of the medical profession. Don't trust them."
That is incorrect. Psychiatrist are just as likely t... (read in full...)
Fiance owes too much money to ex and expects me to pay. How much is too much?
Q. Problems..... My fiancee (50) has just been served with a bill of $30,000 that he owed his ex on their divorce some 9 years ago. Due to ill health and circumstances he has not paid her and now she is peruing it.Their son of 15, visits in holidays ...
A. 12 April 2012: Yes, this is too much. Free-rider much? This guy is mooching off of you, and by the sounds of it he was mooching off of his ex as well. You don't just accumulate debt like that over night. Do not marry him until he has gotten his finances straigh... (read in full...)
Please help! My three year old is pushing me away!
Q. i have a three year old daughter. soon to be four. shes such a sweetie and she helps me around the house, helps me grocery shop , she even helped me plant my garden :). im due for my second child in less than a week. And latley its like she'd rather ...
A. 12 April 2012: I don't have children myself, but I don't think this is something to worry about. It could be because you are pregnant and your belly is big, perhaps she knows what is about to happen (and can see it) and isn't sure of what to think about it?
... (read in full...)
How can I have a relationship when I don't trust women?
Q. All I have in this world is my balls and my word. And I don't trust women. I am not saying they're all bad. I just think when the times get tough, they disappear. And when the times are good, they love you. Am I wrong? With an attitude like this, ...
A. 12 April 2012: You have no experience with women? You only mention one woman who MIGHT have been interested in you. "Might" does in no way mean that she actually cared for you and left you. She might have liked you, but she moved out of your life for whatever ... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 12 April 2012: Continuing the list of things now available that disposes of the "traditional" roles:
Kinder Gardens
Car Service
Shopping Malls
Pre-made foods
Take-away
Swiffer
Laundry machines
Dish washers
Higher Education for both genders
PS. mo... (read in full...)
Are women losing their skills in "traditional" roles?
Q. Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead? Let me first say that I love my wife, but I was shocked at how little she is able to do. She is an excellent ...
A. 12 April 2012: "Are women losing skills in roles they traditionally did like cooking and housekeeping? If so, what skills are they gaining instead?"
I understand what you are getting at, but really, this is a silly question. It sort of inclines that women ar... (read in full...)
She has thin hair and I'm worried that she might go bald!
Q. So I've been dating this lovely girl for 2 months now. she's so wonderful and i absolutely adore her. But there's one small,superficial issue that i hate myself for caring so much about. The girl's got some thin hair and i can see some of her ...
A. 12 April 2012: Well, tons of women do get thinner hair as they grow older, same as with guys. So to be fair here, you probably are going to lose your hair at some point (most men I know of get a moon sooner or later). Women put up with it. So can men. Because, all ... (read in full...)
How do I end things with my friend with benefits?
Q. Hi everyone this is a bit complicated my fwb lives 1 minute away from me its how we met by living in the same place I have met a man who knows my fwb and they cannot stand each other this man I met wants to come to mine he doesn't know that me ...
A. 12 April 2012: The whole point of FWB is that there supposedly are NOT feelings involved. So no one will get hurt. Your fwb is not your boyfriend, you are entitled to end the sexual relationship you have with him at any given point, and you do not owe him any ... (read in full...)
Friend pushed me away after we had sex for the first time.
Q. You know how it is, you invite one of my best friends over. You study. A cup of freshly made brew turns into cuddles, cuddles turn into kisses, kisses turn into...well, a night of wild sex with no sleep. I had a crush on this girl for the past 2 y...
A. 12 April 2012: "Don't be upset with her if she chooses the Internet guy; in her mental and emotional state, she's bound to be looking for the perfect relationship where she can't be let down."
I second that. Her "liking" a guy she's never met and who is miles aw... (read in full...)
10 months into our relationship, he's decided he wants a complete makeover!
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 10 months now, and I really love him, but recently he's been talking about how he wants to change his look. Grow out some facial hair, cut his hair short, change his wardrobe, and other stuff. Hone...
A. 11 April 2012: Sometimes people just want to reinvent themselves. There doesn't have to be any particular reason behind it. Often, we women, tend to read too much into things and over-analyze.... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 11 April 2012: I never heard of or dealt with RJ in real life either. I've also heard about it here on dearcupid, but I am going to have to say that suffering from RJ is just as irregular as suffering from OCD. RJ appears in many ways to be a form of OCD. Sure, it ... (read in full...)
I really want a tattoo of my deceased ex boyfriend's name but my friends think its a bad idea
Q. Okay, basically my ex boyfriend died in december, we had been broken up a couple months before he died but he was my first true love and never got over it and when he died it just tore me up even more. I feel like I've lost apart of me. I really ...
A. 11 April 2012: You're idolizing him, and having a tattoo of his name on you would only worsen it. Soon you'll start picturing him as the only true love of your life, and no other man can compare. And really, no other man will be able to compete for your love, ... (read in full...)
10 months into our relationship, he's decided he wants a complete makeover!
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 10 months now, and I really love him, but recently he's been talking about how he wants to change his look. Grow out some facial hair, cut his hair short, change his wardrobe, and other stuff. Hone...
A. 11 April 2012: Everyone needs a haircut every now and then. I don't see why you think this has to mean so much then? People do experiment with their looks from time to time. ... (read in full...)
Friend pushed me away after we had sex for the first time.
Q. You know how it is, you invite one of my best friends over. You study. A cup of freshly made brew turns into cuddles, cuddles turn into kisses, kisses turn into...well, a night of wild sex with no sleep. I had a crush on this girl for the past 2 y...
A. 11 April 2012: I think most of us have been in your situation, and my personal experience tells me to just play it cool. When the other part is being skittish you will gain more from holding back and let them come to you, than chase them. Chasing scares them away ... (read in full...)
10 months into our relationship, he's decided he wants a complete makeover!
Q. So I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 10 months now, and I really love him, but recently he's been talking about how he wants to change his look. Grow out some facial hair, cut his hair short, change his wardrobe, and other stuff. Hone...
A. 11 April 2012: I'm sorry, but he refers to his hair as part of his life-story? I think it'd do him good then to change his looks and perhaps get some new perspectives on life. He sounds like he is a bit hung up in his looks, doesn't it? If he keeps talking about ... (read in full...)
Friend pushed me away after we had sex for the first time.
Q. You know how it is, you invite one of my best friends over. You study. A cup of freshly made brew turns into cuddles, cuddles turn into kisses, kisses turn into...well, a night of wild sex with no sleep. I had a crush on this girl for the past 2 y...
A. 11 April 2012: I think right now you need to accept that she is pushing you away. She's taking her time to figure it out. In the meantime, take your time to figure things out for yourself. For example a good idea would be to properly break it off with your ... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 11 April 2012: "Unfortunately we now live in a society with loose morals, it's called having sexual freedom. "
There's nothing new about this at all, men have had sexual freedom for centuries. The only "new" thing about it is that women now enjoy the same fre... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 10 April 2012: Male anon I don't think your problem is that women are rude to you and you are nice to them. I think the problem is that you don't understand the social rules and know how to act appropriately. Stating firmly what sort of woman you are looking for ... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 7 April 2012: PS. this is a matter of preference, and preference alone. Sure, a sexist man will probably get himself in a fuzz over his woman not being a virgin, but a sexist man will also be in a fuzz about a ton of other things as well. I think it is a far ... (read in full...)
Can't deal with your lover's sexual past? Why not leave her / him if they have different morals to you?
Q. Hi guys AND girls, I've read a lot on DC about retroactive jealousy, or "his / her sexual past", and people having problems with it. Some very smart people here have made some very good suggestions on how to deal with it. The thing is, that i...
A. 7 April 2012: I agree with the OP. Why force yourself to accept someone who you don't really want to accept, just to be with someone? It's like they say, don't try to change a person into being perfect. Instead find someone who already is perfect to you.
I don... (read in full...)
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