A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi just a quick question why do people always assume that a woman and a man can't be friends without there being more to it this man and me met through my step sister and we get on well (as friends) but people always say they don't believe we are friends and assume we are secretly dating when we are not why is this thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): The reason they think you are dating is because it is almost impossible to have a "friend" relationship with the opposite sex, because things happen. About 40 years ago when I was in grad school, I was going nuts with the greatest need to get laid that I could think of. I called a girl who was a friend and called her at 3 o'clock in the morning and hemmed and hawed for about a few minutes (I woke her up) and then asked her if she would have sex with me. She immediately told me to come over. I had been scared that she had a companion with her. I got over and we had great sex for 24 hours. Pretty good looker. But, it is almost impossible to go straight and abstain with no sex with a friend. She saved my life and let me feel better. Whether secret lovers or not, don't worry. Do what you gotta do! It's because things just happen!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): You can check this clip out : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMABrilliantly all girls said it's possible to remain friendship with a guy but all guys said "no". The thing is guy can hardly do multi-task in sentiment. He sticks around but when he gets into a relationship, he barely has time for the female friend but only he's always had bit feeling for that girl. So he'd have time for her.To girls, we appreciate all the friends we have as girls and guys. But to most of girls, a male friend who can understand you, listen to you and give you the comments from the opposite gender's opinion is brilliant. So sometimes we do sense something from the male friend but still try to keep the friendship pure and ignore the signs. And keep saying it's just friendship. Till you can't take it anymore, you confront him and friendship ends. Or you fall for him then affair happens.So finally it's up to each individual who can handle the social life well or not.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 I get it. what makes a friendship boring? what makes it exciting? we can have too many friends but often we don't have enough. what is better than friendship? Love is better. I'm not talking about sex but a level of intimacy that goes beyond friendship. who's going to not want that. there's nothing wrong with friends but there's nothing wrong with looking for someone special. I wish you women would stop thinking its all about whats in your pants.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 It's the same with my best friend and I. We can't go a day at school without someone saying we're together or one of us has feelings for the other. It gets annoying for us, but I'd rather hear that than to separate just because we're concerned about what people think. We're not. I can't imagine not being friends with him and he feels the same because I know the most about him. Tell the people who assume you're dating that you're not, one time. Then if they bring it up again, then ignore them because you gave them the truth and they can't say you didn't confirm your friendship with this guy.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (13 April 2012):
 From what have experienced?? Either I had feelings for my guy "friend" or likewise. It didn't neccesaraly mean either of us crossed boundaries but... the female/male attraction thing was always there for one of us. So... my answer is no. I don't think men and women can only be friends.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen +, writes (13 April 2012):
 There is no reason I can think of that a man and woman can't be just friends. Really! There are no rules. But as you have seen, there are assumptions.People may assume you are dating because that is what they may be inclined to wish for or do if they were in your place.Ok, so now you have just met this man and the two of you are getting on well. Great. But, how do you know that the man you have met doesn't want to be more than friends even if you don't want that yourself? How do you know you won't change your mind a little later on?To sustain the friendship you may have to create rules, whether or not you actually discuss them. Things could get complicated. But when a friendship is just beginning, who wants to lay down rules or conventions?Have fun and don't be bothered by what others assume.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Because there are a hell of a lot of "friends" that are very obviously attracted to each other, or one of them is attracted and it's always the ones that insist nothing is going on the most that are usually the ones who are hooking up or are going to hook up.
Then there are people like me who has lots of female friends, gotten close and ended up getting intimate with most of them.
There's also the fact that most people can't see that their new "friend" is actually interested.
There's also the fact that long term male/female friendships generally have a level of comfort and affection that looks from the outside as romantic.
Finally there's also plenty of "friends" fooling around with each other that will never admit it.
The people who are truly just friends don't actually get bothered that others think they're in a relationship, those who do get bothered by people thinking that are far more suspicious, and I just love teasing people who say they're not and get really defensive about it. If you're not guilty then there's no need to defend yourself hehe.
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A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (13 April 2012):
As Tisha and chigirl said, some people just can't accept that because they are unable to have a platonic relationship with someone of opposite sex. Other people can't accept that because, even as they know it is possible, the can't. And they are jealous.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 People who themselves find it impossible to have a strictly friendly relationship with the opposite sex will find it difficult to understand that OTHERS can have such a platonic relationship. I don't have male friends, except for family members. I have male associates, sure, but the male friends I have had over the years have either fallen in love with me, or I have fallen in love with them! I have ONE male friend now, and we had a fling already where we kissed and flirted, then things turned sour, then he married a girl, and now we are back to friends again. I am relaxed about our friendship now because whatever romance there is has been tested out and done with. He's not going to fall for me again because he loves his wife, and I will not fall for him again (because I've already been there done that). For ME platonic relationships with males don't work. Or usually does not work. Whenever I think I have a good friendship going on it turns out the guy is falling in love with me. And that ruins everything. I know that others can be strictly friends. I used to think they couldn't be, because of my own experiences. But I had a boyfriend once who has several platonic female friends, many of them good friends of me myself. So I know it is strictly friendly. But it's something you don't believe in until you see it with your own eyes I guess.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Because some people assume all male/female relationship dynamics are based solely on sexual attraction. Don't worry about it, you can't change those sorts of mindsets, except by being an example. Best thing to do is laugh it off and ignore them if they keep bringing it up.
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A
female
reader, Redbaglover9  +, writes (13 April 2012):
It depends on people actually, I know tons of people who secretly are in loved with their friends. The first step to love is friendship right?
But there are pole who also get along as friends only. As long as everything is going fine and your friend and you are happy,why care about what others say? Just be amazing friends, you never know what the future has in store! :)
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