A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it OK for my boyfriend to seem unable to deal with my new depressed attitude? For the last couple days I've been very depressed due to the loss of a friendship and just life going wrong in general. Because of this, I've became very insecure and have questioned my relationship with my boyfriend of almost a year. Out phone calls have resulted in me constantly asking if things are OK between us and when he says yes (in an annoyed tone) I keep asking sometimes even saying he doesn't have to lie to me. Now I know this is being very annoying and I'm never usually like this... I'm very independent and strong, but most recently I've become an insecure mess. My boyfriend most recently pointed out to me I seem so depressed and that he cant deal with it when I'm like this. My question is, if he cares about me, shouldn't he be helping me, and not making it worse by telling me he can't deal with me. He was depressed about a month ago, and yes it was somewhat annoying but I never once told him to stop and I couldn't deal with it, I helped him. So, is this just me being way to insecure, or should he at least try to help me a little and he is being a little too non tolerant I guess you would say?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 April 2012):
 I understand going through the loss of a loved one is hard, but you need to stop hassling your BF the way you are. You are actually the one being unsupportive. You keep questioning the relationship. You (in his eyes) keep questioning him.
If you can't "snap" out of the way you are feeling maybe you need to consider finding a good grief counselor or therapist who WANTS to listen to you.
Stop living your life tit for tat. It doesn't work that way.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 People are different... but you can't expect that everyone knows how to "deal" with you. If you are depressed then you need to seek professional help, not lean on your boyfriend and drain him of all his energy. That will just kill your relationship.
I think your boyfriend is supporting you, in his own way. He is being honest with you, and he is telling you that his patience is running low and that he can not deal with it any longer. It is time to look for other ways of communication that work for him as well. This means that you need to start finding validation for your relationship in other ways than by asking him repetitively.
For example, remind yourself that he cares. Remember all the times when he told you he cares. Remember all the times where he showed you his love and care for you. Give yourself reminders, instead of constantly asking him to remind you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): I kind of have to agree with him here OP. He should only need to tell you once that everything is OK between you. If he hasn't given you any reason think things aren't OK then it can be incredibly annoying having to reassure a person over and over again that it is. Some people like me have a very low tolerance for pandering to peoples insecurities. Sure I will support and be there for my girlfriend when she's sad but she doesn't need to ask whether we're OK because she knows we are. If she did do that kind of thing I'd tell her straight out not to ask again, I've said we were and until she has reason to doubt me then she shouldn't keep saying it.
Just stop questioning your relationship with him, it makes him feel like you don't trust him and that he's being punished for something he didn't do. You're not asking for his support OP you're demanding reassurance on something that he didn't make you doubt.
Look we all get depressed sometimes, we all lose friendships but most of us will turn to our partners and other friends and spend time with them, tell them how we feel and just be with them so they can support us. You have absolutely no reason to question your faith in him do you? So your letting your insecurities get the better of you and you're becoming overbearing. If you want support, stop questioning him, stop doubting your relationship with him and just go be with him. Go to the cinema and spend time together so he can show you that your relationship is OK without you having to ask. Tell him you feel sad about losing that friend and ask him for his support and understanding. Just stop doubting him OP, he's done nothing wrong.
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