A
female
age
30-35,
*avanna85
writes:I know this website's for relationships, it seems to be a great help for almost any problem. So here's mine. Although I don't know what kind of answer I'm expecting, it's more to get it off my chest. I have a problem. That problem is, I cry way too much. And I don't know how to stop it. I'm not talking about like when a family member dies or something serious like that, I'm talking about moments where most people may get angry or just put up with the situation. But me, without even meaning to, tears just come to my eyes and when that happens, I either have to full on let it out, or else my eyes will continue to create tears and it gets harder and harder to keep it in. Sometimes, like right now, I'll start crying and I don't even know why I'm crying! Isn't that pathetic?! The type of things I cry at:When I get yelled atWhen I don't know what to doWhen everything's going wrongWhen I embarrass/humiliate my self in front of othersWhen I have to do something I can't avoid and I don't feel goodOr like now. When I feel so stressed out that I just want to stay home and curl up and cryMy recent times of crying I think have all been related to stress. And it didn't start until this year when I got my first job. I think it's because I'm just a weak person who can't handle having a simple job. The sad part is, it's a fast food restaurant! What teenager hasn't started out in fast food? It's because it's easy! But for some reason, it causes me the most stress. My first day of work, I came home crying because I had kept screwing everything up while trying to learn. I came home crying a second time when things didn't work out right at work.My first early morning weekend shift I had an upset stomach and ended up getting diarrhea (I don't really like sharing this, but it helps explain my situation). Ever since that day which was a 6 hour shift, every time I go in on the weekends or have to work more than 4 hours, my stomach starts to hurt and I panic that I'm going to get diarrhea again. Twice I went home from school because of it and had to call in sick to work. Because I'd get so nervous thinking about having to work after school, that I'd end up giving myself diarrhea at school. Then I'd go home and after calling in sick yea I cried with the typical "Why does this happen to me? Why can't I be normal?" routine, but in the end I'd be fine, knowing I could be in the comfort of my own home and not have to worry about having an embarrassing problem at work. But it's just affecting my life so badly. Even now.I have to go into work today for 8 hours from noon until 8:00 at night. I hate it. Not only am I stressed from the stomach aches, but I'm stressed because of the hours.I'm always scheduled for pretty much every weekend. The times that I wasn't, I was gone all day competing on my school's speech team, which just added more stress. I'm someone that always enjoys being with my family. But what with work and speech team, I never get to see them. The last weekend I had off was only because I had to ask for it off to go on vacation with my family. I have not once just naturally not been scheduled on both a Saturday or Sunday. It's never like scheduled one or the other. I'd be happy with that. No it's always Saturday and Sunday every weekend unless I ASK for it off. That just doesn't seem fair to me. With all the workers there, why is it that I'm scheduled every freaking weekend? I actually want to have a life but I can't because I'm busy every weekend with work. How am I supposed to get my homework done? That's the worst part. I work evenings during the week right after school, and when I come home I'm too tired to do my homework and it's causing problems. I've always been a good student who always did my homework. Never turned it in late, always tried my best, and I'd get good grades. But now, because of work, homework's become like a last priority. And I'm slacking and not putting my full effort into it. I try, but when other students have a full week to get a project done, I only get a few hours in between days because of stupid work. The fact that they can't give me a freaking break and let me have some days off to do homework pisses me off. I'm a 17 year old employee who's a senior in high school! Being a senior means having very important assignments. More responsibility. But I just can't handle it. I get no time to myself. Hell, I can't even find time to go out looking for a freaking prom dress! All my friends want me to go, but I keep saying it's probably not going to happen because I haven't even found a dress yet! I know that's the least of my troubles, but I'm just trying to make the point that I can't even find the time to do simple things. My parents are the ones who pushed me into getting a job because they were tired of paying for everything. Which I'll admit feels good to me. To be able to fill my own gas tank and pay for my own school events and things like that. But even they have said that they can tell I've been stressed out. I have not had a free weekend since Jan 28th, 2012. The only Saturday and Sunday I got off was for a vacation trip, which I had to ask for off. This all sounds pathetic, but work is making me stress out and I cry about it all the time. The reason I was crying today, was because I don't like working from the afternoon to night time, at least schedule me from the morning till like the afternoon if you want me to work an 8 hour shift. Then I can at least still enjoy half my day. Plus today my brothers coming home (from college) and he's going to be gone by the time I get home. Plus whenever he comes home my dad always makes a really good homecooked meal, and it's my favorite tonight and I'm going to miss it. I have to come home and eat at the counter by myself while my parents are downstairs half-asleep. I don't enjoy that. It sounds so stupid to cry over things like a family meal, but that kind of stuff is important to me. This is my last summer coming up, before I go to college 5 hours away from home. I apologize if I want to spend those last days at home. I feel safe at home. When I don't want to do something in public or don't feel good, the best feeling is knowing that I'm going home or that I don't have leave home. It just gives me so much comfort. I don't how I'm going to survive in the real world if all I do is cry about my problems. I'm too weak to stand up for myself. I know I can be better than this, but sometimes I it just doesn't seem possible to get the strength or courage to put up with these situations.So, like I said, I don't really know if I'm looking for some kind of answer, but I really wanted to get this out and see if maybe someone has ever had a similar problem or experience. Anyways, thanks for reading.
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female
reader, foreveravailable2 +, writes (25 September 2012):
And also, for me at least it seems like no one understands. Instead of asking for help, get through the whole story without interruptions. Most people don't get that I can't help it. Ever. I cry every day at least 1 time, today I have cried once every 10 mins from 6 till 8. You aren't alone, but not many other people get it completely.
A
female
reader, foreveravailable2 +, writes (25 September 2012):
Hey, your not alone. I'm just like you. I don't know why, or how to help except alittle advice I'll give at the end of my story. Maybe posting this might help me out too. I was looking online for an answer and this came up. So ever since like 3rd grade I cried really easily. I don't know why. I would have to be the best, or the hardest worker or I would start crying. I think that caused me to work way to hard. Then I got into music and started writing songs and people started making fun of me. People can be jerks. I have alot of friends but the thing is I feel alone, and like I'm not good enough. I tell my parents and they tell me its not worth crying over. The thing is i can't stop myself. I talk to councilors at school when it gets bad, and all I have found is that I think its not the outside, its almost like my subconscious is thinking something my brain isn't aware of, and also that for me writing and readin stuff I wrote helps. For me its mainly plays, but It might be different for you. What I say you try is find something that can stimulate you till you are alone, then examine yourself like I did. It might just be chemicals in our brain are all messed up, or being a teen, i dont know. For me its caused when I work in a group and someone else doesnt put in enough (in my POV) effort, or if I get worse than a C. It might also be that we just have high expectations for ourselves and don't know how to lower them. I have had this for 7 years. It's hard. Just don't let yourself be alone unless you want to try and examine yourself, and always have stuff stacked up to distract you if it comes on. Also i told my teachers that I might need to get up and walk out for a second. They are fine with that just tell whoever you work for or whatever ahead of time. It can be nice to just take a break.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): I think there's two reasons piled on top of each other for why you cry so much right now:
1. you have an underlying excessive anxiety or fear of being away from home. You feel like a small child on their first day of kindergarten, afraid to leave their mom's side. This is a very stressful feeling, it's like a fear of being alone and abandoned. You feel safe at home, but outside your home environment you feel unsafe and thus it takes up all of your mental resources and energy to function, which leaves you depleted. being outside your home environment is pushing past your comfort level.
2. lately you have been pushed past your comfort zone way too many times, so you never actually have recovered from the stress before you're pushed again. it's only a matter of time before the stress builds up and you have a breakdown, which I think is what's happening now - I think you're having a breakdown now.
when you're pushed past your comfort zone too much, too frequently, for too long, your brain can't cope well. All the negative emotions become way more intensified and over-magnified - annoyance turns into rage, disappointment turns into shame, embarrasment turns into humiliation, anxiety turns into panic. I think this is why your tears come out, it's the physical manifestation of all these negative emotions swirling inside of you at a high intensity.
I think the first thing you need to do is to quit your job, or at least severely cut back on it. Unless your family is so impoverished that you NEED your extra income, there is no good reason to work this much and certainly not at the expense of this toll it's taking on you. You have the rest of your life to work at a job!!
you need to remove the stressors from your life, that are pushing you past your comfort zone. Going past your comfort zone is a good thing in small increments, but I think you're way over it.
if, however, your comfort zone is extremely narrow that you can't do a lot of things that are considered "normal" without exceeding it (such as, if you can't get back to feeling normal even if you drastically cut your work hours), then you may need to get your underlying anxiety treated by counseling or therapy, to build up a greater resilience.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 April 2012):
 A couple of thoughts/tips
*learn to say no. You should have been able to ask for time off for your brother's coming home and gotten someone to take the shift for you. in general, reduce your hours. You need You time and you aren't given the opportunity on the schedule you have right now.
*don't beat yourself up. What you're doing at your age IS hard. Working in the customer service industry actually is some of the most thankless, demeaning tasks you can do. People think they own you because you're working minimum wage. Try to keep perspective, take it as a learning experience and a way to get the things you want.
* don't question who you are. I too am a big crier and am probably 10 years older than you. Is it embarassing? Sometimes, but it's a lot better than keeping it inside, isn't it? some people's emotional releases come from crying, and it's a good pressure/stress valve to have handy. It doesn't make you abnormal, particularly at your age with school and graduation and work and hormones :) Accept that you might have a breakdown and compose yourself swiftly after that.
*practice deep breathing while at work to destress you.
*exercise. I know your schedule is crazy busy, but it will likely function as another stress reliever.
*talk to your family about the toll the work is taking on you. by reaching out they might become more sensitive to how hard you've been working and make your homelife more pleasant. Take baths when you get home.
I hope this helps. The counseling idea is something to consider if you are crying on a daily or more than one time per day basis, or just go by your gut. Sometimes the "stronger" people are just code words for people insensitive to their own hardships. Appreciate that you are in tune with what doesn't make you happy so that you can make an effort to fix your life in a way that DOES make you happy. good luck!
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 there's nothing wrong doing mistakes. why? cos mistakes is part of life and essential for life growth.Instead LEARN frm it and DON'T do it again! Correct it! Believe in yourself. You can do it.ok ?
Happiness comes through good judgement.Good judgement comes thru experience and Experience comes thru bad judgement.(The monk who sold his ferrari,Robin Sharma)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 I forgot to say one last, important thing: Be proud of yourself. Look at you, working 8 hours and a shift that you don't even like, but you do it. You are not lazy, you are hardworking, you take your responsibilities seriously, and you are mature enough to do things that you don't really like, or want, to do. But you do them anyway. Be proud of that. Not all adults are mature enough to do that. Be proud of how you miss the family dinner because you are taking your responsibilities seriously and go to work. You make sacrifices. And you should be proud of that. You should be proud of yourself.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 April 2012):
I think your crying might be a way to shield yourself from feeling other feelings. Other feelings scare you, so you cry instead. Feelings such as embarrassment, disappointment, hurt, anger etc. You cry instead of feeling these other feelings. Perhaps because these other feelings become too strong for you, and you don't know how to handle them. Perhaps you never learned from your parents how to deal with emotions properly, or how to express them in other ways.
These are difficult things to give you an answer to, so I will recommend you see a therapist to talk more about it as they can help you way more than I can.
You could be emotional as a person, or your excessive crying could be a part of a bigger problem, such as depression or a personality disorder.
I will say one thing though.. you're not accepting yourself. You write that you cry because you screw things up at work when you try to learn. Accept that you are ALLOWED to make these mistakes. You can laugh away these mistakes. You can learn from the mistakes you make, and then the mistakes will not be worthless. Or you can choose to cry about it, and turn it into a completely negative experience. But YOU are the one who CHOOSES how to react to things. You are the one who is not telling yourself that it is OKAY to make mistakes, and that it doesn't make you a bad person. I think you need to start by accepting yourself as you are without thinking it has to be so negative that you don't know everything, or can't handle everything, or aren't as strong as others, or handle the work as good as others. We are not all the same, and we are not all meant to be just as good at everything.
Besides, when you look at others you think they look so strong compared to you, they handle their work well etc... But you do not know how their lives are. You do not know what they struggle with, or how they feel at the end of the day when they come home. So DO NOT compare yourself to others! You do not have enough knowledge about someone else to compare and say that you screw up more than anyone else. You don't know that.
"I have to go into work today for 8 hours from noon until 8:00 at night. I hate it. Not only am I stressed from the stomach aches, but I'm stressed because of the hours."
Maybe you should chance work? Because you are so stressed out about just the thought of going to work. A new work place might give you a new start and pick a different type of work-place other than a fast food restaurant? 8 hours is a normal day at work though, do not worry about the hours being long. That is a normal day at work, and you get to sleep in late since you start at noon. I love starting at noon. Be HAPPY about the GOOD parts of your work. And think about the money you will earn. And try to enjoy your time at work. Give yourself CREDIT for the things you DO, instead of crying over the things you do not do. This is called focusing on the positives. Make it your routine.
Don't overwork yourself. You're new to trying to tackling several things. While I put in as much work as you do every day (had my first weekend off since New Years THIS week, and worked during Christmas btw), I am adult, and have eased into this as my routine. You on the other hand have thrown yourself into it and it's all too much at once. Start a little bit more easy, by having less days a week to work and earn money. You need to be able to focus on school after all. Then take up more days to work as you go along and find the BALANCE to do it.
Take a few good deep breaths. Calm down. You'll fix this, you'll get through it. Talk to your parents and tell them how exhausted you feel, and that you think you need to take the work a bit more slowly at first, so that you can find a good balance between work and school. At the moments it's all without structure and routine, and you're a mess. You need some time to work out a healthy balance between work, school, and planning for events such as prom.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (15 April 2012):
 While there's nothing wrong with having a good cry, you seem to use it like a smoke screen to take attention away from minor failures in your life (as you mentioned in your first paragraph) when you really need to be angry. You seem to be caught in a viscous cycle that keeps going around and you just can't seem to get a break from it.I read a lot of frustration and anger in your words.When you cry, try to think about how you really feel. Write it down. You mentioned stressed, but what about feeling just plain angry, or frustrated, or overwhelmed or vulnerable or anxious or frightened or a combination of the above. These are normal feelings that we are all susceptable to.I think it's very important that you have a talk with someone independent (perhaps not family or friends) like your school's welfare councilor or a doctor about this as soon as you can.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 April 2012):
 I think you are suffering from anxiety and honestly I would suggest you talk to your doctor. A combination of meds and/or therapy might help you out.
It's OK to not know what to do all the time, if in doubt learn to ask for help. And sometimes you have to put on your "big girl" panties and suck it up. That is part of growing up. You can do this, trust me.
You also need to talk to your parents.
I think they are right in pushing you a little, but maybe they didn't just give a helping push bur a big "shove".
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