A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles im actually a veteran on this site been on it for 5 years giving advice and now im going to need some. Ok so ive been with my girlfriend for a year now but in the begining she wanted to know my sexuall past so i told her and in return she told me hers. We were friens throughout highschool and i heard that she gave a guy i know a blowjob so i asked her about it she just said that he touched her boob. Ive asked her a few times in the relationship and i just recently asked her if she did she said she didnt remember. I aske how dont you remember its not like i care about your past i just want to know. Then she said that she thinks she did. Well i asked the guy and he said yes she did. I confronted her she said she doesnt remember. I dont care that she did it i care that she didnt tell me it leads me to believe theres more stuff shes hiding from me. Shes sticking to her guns saying she doesnt remember but how do you forget something like that plus the guy is one of her friends thats not something you forget. Once again im not mad that she did it its just that she didnt tell me and wasnt honest about it and it leads me to believe that shes hiding more and now im having trouble trusting her i dont think she will cheat on me but i dont really trust her. I just need some advice i forgot to mention all she said about her past is she only did sexuall stuff with her ex.
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blow-job, her ex, her past, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): It doesn't matter if she gave him a blowjob in high school. It only mayters if she gives him a blowjob while she is supposed to be with you.
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 I know a bunch of men who make these stories up. The fact that you trust this obviously dishonourable boy over your girlfriend shows that you have serious trust issues. And every person is entitled to keep a few facts private. Have you given her details of every little sexual thing that you may have done? I wouldn't think so. Give her a break and stop pretending that this is about honesty. It's not. It's about retrospective jealousy. It's about you, not her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): If she was very "slutty" then perhaps she forgot because he was just one of very many : but since this is Not the case, its strange that she misled you since you both seemed to be very transparent about your past.
What about alcohol: perhaps she was just too drunk?
Any drugs? Perhaps too stoned to remember?
Okay I'm out of suggestions now...
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 "i said i dont care i just want her to be honest".
That's a lie. You clearly care very much. Since you asked the question dishonestly, it's no surprise you don't trust the answer. A lie begets a lie. Mistrust begets mistrust.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 I just want to throw out a different option here....
Have you considered that your male 'friend' may actually have been embellishing the truth ever so slightly?
COuld it be, that perhaps he was trying to brag about his sexual prowess by telling all his guy mates how he got this nice girl to give him a blow job?
Could it be that perhaps, all he did was touch her boob? and then made up the BJ part?
Could it be that perhaps she was drunk, and really doesnt remember, or that perhaps he took advantage of her?
Right now, you are believing the tell tale of a man over your girlfriend. That shows very little in the way of trust.
Any man who brags like that about his sexual conquests really isnt trustworthy. 9 times out of 10, the experiences are probably no where near what they are describing. its about looking cool, and getting a bit of street cred off your mates.
Teenage boys lie when it comes to sex and bragging to their mates.
Have you told her about every girl you have kissed, every girl you have given oral sex to, and every girl who ever gave you a blow job?
Its in the past now, let it go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): She does remember and she did it. She's just a liar.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): Why do you care that she gave a fella a bj and didnt tell you, that a small thing to care about and to cause you to question her trust. The past is the past. The could be loads of reasons why she didnt mention it, like she could have been embarrassed that she did it with a fella she wasnt going out with.
There is no way id want to know my boyfriends past experiences and i wouldnt tell him all mine. It just makes people insecure.
If i was her id be more bothered about the fact that your going around asking guys about her and it looks like you're actually looking for petty reasons not to trust her. If she says she doesnt remember take her word for it and let it go, it shouldnt affect your relationship now.
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A
female
reader, joanna11  +, writes (14 April 2012):
it was highschool, why should it matter? and if she doesnt remember she might not remember. If you trust her you should trust her response to things you ask if you dont there is a problem
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 For the record, I had a boyfriend who was a virgin when we got together. I asked about his sexual experience, just to confirm that he actually was a virgin (want to go easy on the guy for his first time you know). He said he had absolutely no experience at all. A little time later he reveals, in confidence, that he has a ever so small episode of experimentation when he was quite young.
Did I feel lied to? No. Did I start to not trust him? Quite the contrary. To share something so very personal and private is seen as a huge display of trust, and I am not the slightest offended that he didn't immediately share it with me. He has the right to use HIS judgement on what he wants to share or not. Even if I ask I do not have the right to know absolutely everything if there are things that he does not like to talk about, or wants to keep private.
I feel happy that he opened up and told me, and I don't consider it a lie at all. In his book (and in mine too btw) this episode he had didn't count as "sexual experience".
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 April 2012):
"To chi girl its not that she did it its that she didnt tell me"
Why would she tell you? Did you say to her "I want to know about every penis you have ever touched or seen"?
Why is it so weird that she likes some privacy? You talked about the general things it appears, sexual history etc, but that doesn't imply every tiny little episode must be described in detail.
She told you the parts about her sexual past she judged would be ok for you to know. At what point are you in a position to demand to know absolutely everything? And was there ever a point in which you and her discussed how honest about EVERYTHING you would be? Down to the point where this episode should have been mentioned? That seems extremely picky, and not like a normal conversation to have.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I always feel a little nervous when I hear of people trading sexual pasts at the beginning of a relationship. You may hear something that you didn't want to know... you sure did.I understand that you are worried about why she seems to be covering this up.Here is a short scenario...Before she was your girlfriend, she was someone elses girlfriend. She really liked this guy and one day she sucked him. [Here ends the scenario]Sounds normal to me. What if that guy was you? That'd be ok, wouldn't it? Anyway they've broken up for whatever reason and that guy has the audacity to defame this girl by spreading around their intimate details. What a creep.If she's being evasive (forgetting, etc...), its probably because she is embarassed and feel ashamed about the entire matter. Do you think she would have shared that moment with the creep if she knew he was going to maliciously spread it around? Not likely.You discussed this at the beginning of the relationship which was a year ago. You are saying you `don't care', so mean what you say... `don't care'. Time to let go.In summary: Hey! Give the girl a break.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Eh, leave the past in the past what good is it going to do to dig up now?
Maybe it was that forgettable? Or maybe it is one of those thing she wished badly that she had never done.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo chi girl its not that she did it its that she didnt tell me. The right after i said i dont care i just want her to be honest then she tells me she thinks she did. I know her well enough to know shes not the type to forget she remembers everything about everything. And to jennipeg i asked her if i could ask him before i did. And she knew that he would tell me and saved her from doing it its just the way she is.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 April 2012):
I need to ask you WHY you care so extremely much about knowing this? You claim over and over that it doesn't bother you, but still, here you are, all hot and bothered.
This is something that must have happened over a year ago, perhaps more probably 2-3 years ago. People really do not always remember everything! Just because YOU probably would remember it, not all people would. Tons of people can't remember things only a few months back, and you're going on and on about an episode that happened years ago.
I think, honestly, she doesn't care to remember. And if you actually are honest with us about not caring either then for the love of your relationship let it go. The guy probably remembers a blow jobs because he feels all macho and gets an ego boost from it, hence fixing on the details and probably making more out of it than it really was anyway.
But all this brings me back to the point: why do you care? You say you don't care, but why are you asking then? No, she's not a liar, she probably doesn't remember, and even if she does remember why on earth would she torment you by giving you the graphics of her former sexual encounters? This is really something you'll live a happier life without knowing the details of.
At least stop pretending that you don't care what she did when you bring it up over and over. Start by being honest yourself about your real intentions.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Yes she did suck his cock. Happy now?
It's only fair that she asks for your past and that she reveals her past too. I think she is going to learn a lesson here. If she doesn't want to tell hers she better not ask her partner about his past.
She is upset that you are talking to a guy about her private details, especially you are his boyfriend and you are supposed to zip it and protect her privacy. So this playing fair is going to bite you. Honesty is important, but so is respecting privacy. You are going to think she is hiding stuff from you, but she is going to think you are a kiss and tell person. So there are things you need to do to rebuild trust in each other.
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