A
male
age
36-40,
*ottenhamhotspur
writes:I have a wonderful girlfriend- we get along super well and even though we have disagrements, we never fight and have a great chemistry.A few years ago, she came out of a bad relationship where the guy she was with would insult her, call her 'stupid', a 'whore'- that sort of vile language, and slapping was part of her sexual routine at that point. Out of the blue a few nights ago, she slapped me in the face playfully (not during sex, just while laying around together) and i asked her what she was doing. She told me that sometimes it just happened when things got intense for her and I became rather upset, as I HATE the idea of any sort of violence or simulated violence in the bedroom- period. we talked for a little while, and she broke down about it. When I talked to her further about it, she told me that she wasn't sure why she slapped me- that a part of her had let that activity become 'normalized', but seemed to be more of a product of an unhealthy relationship. She told me that she realized that this wasn't something she needed and we talked about what OUR idea of healthy sex was- and she assured me we were on the same page and wanted the same things. I feel that part of her may still enjoy the activity of face slapping because she associates it with sex, but also makes her very upset because she says that she is not into it. She said she didn't know why she slapped me and that part of the reason might have been to test me to see if every guy was like this. The problem is now with me. I have a hard time believing her. I know I should and I know I need to trust her, but I find it so hard to drop the issue. I love this girl and want to let her put her past in the past. I keep worrying that she is just dropping that part of her sexual behavior 'for' me, but she assures me that if it was part of what she liked she would be upfront with me and we both realize that if that were the case that things would not work out.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): If you want to let her put her past in the past, why are you clinging so hard to this? She slapped you once playfully and now you're convinced she has a slapping fetish? What? You are reading way too much into this. I playfully slapped my boyfriend during sex once. (We had been drinking a little, and I was getting pretty silly, and he said he wanted me to be more assertive!) He was pretty surprised and said that wasn't quite what he was thinking, and he wasn't hurt but he'd prefer if I not do that. So I didn't, and it didn't really matter much either way to me because I'm not particularly into slapping. ~shrug~If he was the type to make up problems, he could probably have posed a very similar question to yours, and fretted over it endlessly. Because I haven't been abused but I am pretty kinky. He's a little more vanilla and while we enjoy some kink together, he knows if he were kinkier, I'd be happy to take it further. If he were you he'd probably be freaking out. Instead he realizes that I deeply enjoy the sex that we ARE having -- kinky and vanilla both. Meanwhile, you don't even know whether your girlfriend is kinky or if she just slapped you out of reflex. Stop obsessing so much.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Getting the butt slapped during sex is not something a woman would lie about. It doesn't mean she wants you to beat her up or that she is WAY kinky.
However, many people think it is something ALL women like, because they see it in porn.
You two need to set some ground rules, no slapping hitting outside the bedroom and stick to what you are both comfortable with.
And yes, a slap can heighten the pleasure, just like a pinch or a bite. Different folks, different strokes.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Why on earth would she lye about it???
If you find it hard to drop the issue then you need to investigate in yourself why YOU can not let it go. Try to accept that more often than not the world isn't full of secrets and conspiracies, the truth is very often there in front of your nose, but you refuse to accept it.
She slapped you on impulse. Bad choice of her. But she didn't do it because she likes it, and I don't think she did it because she wants to test you either, at least not consciously. But some times people make bad decisions and act before they think. Why does it have to mean so much, why is it hard to accept that she made this mistake and that was it? No, she shouldn't have slapped you, but you talked about it, she apologized, and she wont do it again right? It wasn't done out of anger, it was just a bad move on her part.
If she is holding a part of her sexual interest back.. well then that is her choice. If she secretly enjoys slapping but chooses to not engage in that sort of sexual play then why would that be a problem to you anyway? Obviously there are other things in sex that are more important to her anyway, since she is with you, and not with someone who enjoys slapping her.
She's telling you the truth and you need to try and accept that not everything has hidden meanings. She messed up by slapping you, but that's all there is to it.
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