A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello. Ok, here goes my question, which probably has been exhausted here on numerous occasions. - Met a girl at the doctor's office. Left my name and digits with her over the phone. She said she would think about it. She contacted me a few days later.- We went on a few dates throughout the first week. She ended up spending the night with me the first weekend. - In the next few days, the message from her gradually became distant: from "I think we need to slow it down" to "lets be friends". - I told her I wasn't interested in a friendship, period. I proposed to say goodbye to one another and so we did. A few days later she contacts me to ask for my address to mail back something I lent her, but uses the opportunity to say she doesn't want to lose me as a friend. I stop the communication there. - A few days after that, she comes back with an email saying she was sorry (for what I'm not sure) and says she was happier than ever when I was around. She wants to try and see where our friendship takes us. If not she says she understands...- I call to discuss the situation with her and we agree to try things out again. Now she really isn't responsive to my txts or when I throw out plans to hang out. She doesn't call or txt me either. It's me doing the calling. What is her motive? What is she trying to get out of me? Is she genuinely trying to get to know me and wants to give it another shot as she said?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@marieclaire
Thanks for the opinion. Well, we shall see. At this point, I'm not holding my breath.
She just txtd me to say she's free for a date so we shall see. I guess I'm just not feeling the burning passion I felt before.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Tisha-1
Re: me playing games--point well taken.
And you offer plausible possibilities. The question now is, how do I proceed? Well, based on all the generous comments so far, I'm thinking of just backing away to either:
(a) give her breathing room and let her steer the situation at her own pace.
(b) if it fizzles, it fizzles. the end.
Not that this is such a crazy interesting situation that I have to update...but I will update :D.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Good followup. I didn't say she was decisive! LOL. Maybe you were coming on a little too strong and she wanted to go slower. More into the gray area of somewhere between friends and a guaranteed-sex-date. Not everyone lives in black and white, yes or no, abstinence always or sex always. There's a whole lot of "maybe" area that you don't seem interested in allowing room for.
Maybe she wasn't feeling good about having sex too early and wanted to back off.
I'm not so sure she's consciously playing games. One could argue that you are playing games by forcing a checkmate move before any of the pawns are out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Soon567
Man, you have no idea bro. I chased this one down like a heat seeking missile. Not just the dinners and flowers, but really going out of my way to let her know she was my main focus right now. Her comments let me know that she's never been treated like that by a guy. Truth or not, I definitely put my mileage in.
I'm not asking for a commitment...just an opportunity. But if she's all about being friends, then wouldn't it be a waste of time?
That's probably the problem too. I gave away too much in the beginning and freaked her out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Tisha-1
Thanks for the reply!
I would buy your assessment, except, after we said our mutual goobyes, when she contacted me, she said "if it's not too late, can we see where our friendship takes us? I'm willing to try."
If she wanted to appear nice, wouldn't she avoid playing games?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 April 2010):
I think she's one of those people who can't stand to be thought of as mean. You only want to see her to date her, but she doesn't really want to go out with you. Having you want to cut contact entirely indicates to her that she has somehow been very mean to you and she doesn't like that. It's how a nasty, ugly breakup would end; with no contact. So she is trying to get you to stay in contact with her so she doesn't feel like a b*tch.
The way she has left it allows her now to save face. She can say that she is friends with you; she doesn't have to admit that you would have preferred to cut all contact.
I think you should just let it slide, and stop contacting her. Your abrupt ending strategy is just going to have her pop up again when she hasn't heard from you in a while. She's more comfortable with letting things fizzle out. So let them. Then you're both done. "Friends." It's only a label anyway.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the great answers!
Guys, I'm inclined to agree with the "she's playing games with you dude...move on" theory, but CindyCares hit it home for me (lol).
At this point, the only thing I can do is just leave the situation alone (i.e. stop all communications). I'm not sure calling her to discuss our parting is appropriate since we're really not together. If she wants to give it another shot, the ball is in her court.
I refuse to be another pair of shoes.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Let me tell you about my shoes.
I've got a few pairs of shoes that I don't fancy that much. They are perfectly wearable,good shoes- just for some reason I am not excited about them. I don't throw them away. I keep them in my closet. I am not quite sure if I am ever gonna wear them, but there they are. Why ? Because it makes me feel good knowing that I have a few different options.
I only do that with shoes ,though. Some women ( and probably your friend is among them ) do it with real people.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): I'm with TimmD, if these games have already started, it will only get worse. She wanted something she couldn't have. You behaved admirably, by sticking to your guns about what you wanted. Many men cave and say, "ok, we can be friends." While they long to be more. Kudos. I'm guessing she had never been rejected in that nature before. I vote to drop her. Let her know that you have no interest in the games she's playing. Either she can be part of the relationship, or she should stop bugging you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): She is confused about the way she feels for you.If you really like her,give her some space.Wait it out.You never know what can happen.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (27 April 2010):
 She sounds a little nuts in my opinion. You don't need those types of games. Considering this is already happening this early in the relationship, most likely this would keep happening.
Let it go and move on.
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