A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I don't know what to make of this. I have only had sex with one woman. She and I are together and we plan on getting married. Although we haven't set a date we are serious. She has had sex with seven other guys before. She keeps telling me that I should have sex with a few more women now because she says years from now I won't have to wonder what it's like and break her heart. I asked her and fought with her about this and it comes from her mother. She said she cheated on her dad because she had only been with him and was wondering what it would be like with someone else. I told her that her mom was crazy and that I didn't want to sleep with someone else just her. So I guess my question is what is wrong with her? and Is she just testing me? Is it normal for me not to go ahead and sleep with other women when she says it's ok? I just can't do it. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): She and I had a long talk last night. She feels very guilty about not being a virgin before me. I told her that it didn't matter but she says that she thinks one day it will matter to me. I think that she may be looking for an excuse to break up with me or that maybe she is having second thoughts.
A
female
reader, trigger18  +, writes (27 April 2010):
you know i dont have any advice to give but im in pretty much the same situation with my bf at the moment and we have talked about the fact that he has slept with so many woman yet i have only slept with him. it reaelly bugs me wot it wud feel like to sleep with someone else but i just cudnt do it. i just wanted to thanks those who gave advice to this person because its helped me on my decision too. ive decided not to. the only person i wud ever be happy with wud be my boyfriend and sleeping with someone else wud cause us too many problem in the furture. thank you again xx
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A
female
reader, It's all be okay +, writes (26 April 2010):
This is her problem not yours. If you're in love with her, it is natural only to want to have sex with her. Stick to your guns, and do what is natural and normal for you.If she is paranoid that you will sometime in the future wake up and wish you had more experience, then she's kind of missing the point about relationships - if you are totally happy in the one you are in, why would you look for more variety? It sounds like she needs a bit of counselling to understand what happened when she was hurt by her parents, and to realise that this is an issue she has to deal with, and she should count herself lucky that she has a lovely man like you loving her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): In my opinion having mismatched sexual histories is a bad sign for the relationship in the long term. There is a big difference between a young woman on her 8th lover an a young man who was a virgin before her.The problem is not really about the sex. Some people truly don't get bothered about their lovers previous partners and it sounds like you are one of them. But your sexual histories are reflections of who you both are at the deepest levels.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (26 April 2010):
 You should not go out there and get crazy with other females, its a bad idea. Talk to your fiance and let her know you don't need anyone else reassure her in the relationship she obviously feel insecure because of her mom's cheating ways and would not like to deprive you of having little more experience. Don't do it its a bad idea and both of you will end up getting hurt.
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A
male
reader, yankit +, writes (26 April 2010):
She is absolutely correct! I was a virgin when Imet my wife-to-be and she was well versed in the ways of the bedroom with many many men. She made that known to me a couple months before our weding and i gave it little thought at the time. In hindesight i should have held off getting married. You will(and I promise this is true) NEVER believe that you are the best in bed and will always wonder just who she thinks about during sex. Do as she says and go out there a while longer
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 She is testing you. Don't sleep with other women even when she tells you to. She says she doesn't want the heartbreak later on, well ask her this: do you want the heartbreak now and for us to end?
Because if you do have sex with anotehr woman it will torment her for the rest of her life and she is likely to never get the thought of it out of her head. It is also likely that you having sex with another woman hurts her heart so much that you two end up breaking up. Because it is the same heartache, if you sleep with another woman now or later. So ask her, either she trusts you and wants you and takes this "risk", or she lets you go to have sex with whomever, but this also includes breaking up. Let her choose.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (26 April 2010):
 It's totally normal what you feel. When I was in a relationship with my ex, he stated the same thing. I had never slept with anyone else but him before, and he was worried that curiosity would push me to cheat. He was talking about us getting married one day, and he was really worried about the fact that I had only slept with him my entire life. What if I wanted to see what sex was like with other people? But the thing was, I didn't want to sleep with anyone else. Sure I found other guys attractive, but not to the point where I wanted to sleep with anyone else but my boyfriend at the time. I was fine with the idea of only sleeping with one person the rest of my life, because I loved him. Cheating is cheating, and I'd never commit to someone unless they were the only person I wanted at the time. REGARDLESS of the lack of sexual partners in my past.
I think your girlfriend's mom is a little off her rocker at the moment. I think she's trying to justify what SHE did in her past to make herself feel better about her poor choices. Not everyone who has only had one partner in life cheats. Some people are happy with who they are with and would never cheat on them regardless of experience.
If I were you, I'd say no to your girlfriend's offer, and maybe be a little insulted that she would even suggest such a thing. You are a grown man, and if you wanted to sleep with other women, you certainly wouldn't be in such a committed relationship as you are in right now. You make your own choices, and you don't need her permission or suggestions in your own personal life. You want her and only her, and she should deal with that and start trusting your opinion over her cheating mother's. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 April 2010):
 It all comes down to trust. You have to stress to her that she needs to just trust you. Unfortunately, being "curious" isn't a good excuse by her mother... cheating is cheating. No matter what the reason, the decision was made to be unfaithful. If you love your girlfriend and you want to be with her for the rest of your life then you don't need to sleep with other women first.
Curiosity or not.... you're either a trustworthy, honest guy who only wants your girlfriend for the rest of your life, or you're going to stray and cheat. Tell her which one you are and make sure she knows.
PS: having sex with other women now is a BAD idea.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 As a couple you both create very thinkable point. I also feel the question why? Why she suggest you to have sex with other? Surprisingly, she think in terms of reason also from the experience of her mother.....it is this...," She said she [mother] cheated on her dad because she had only been with him and was wondering what it would be like with someone else...
You are very much moral at present, because you love her quite dearly, And as long as romance of love exists, morality will remain unbreakable. Then what is sex and what is love? are the question arise from your talk.
I think, love is something apply to 'relationship' only and sex is something apply to 'activity' only. It is sex that demand relationship, and it is relationship that demand love.
But, as an activity sex is not sure, that it demand 'lovable relationship. Sexual activity do not insists love but desire. Desire is close point in sexual activity, then love.
I think, these are the points you both should discuss and make your realization clear. These are points she concludes from the experience of her parents.
My personal conclusion is that sex demand highest realization. And, love is something subjective, it is a feeling of higher level, but it is even then is 'feeling'. You will feel comfortable, if you give lot of thought for such problems. Your girl friend is serious, and she is not making cheap deal with you. She has tendency to learn from experience and observation also.
After all learning make human life perfect.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 I do not know any woman who would be so saintly unselfish to the point of pushing you into the arms of other women so that in future you won't have to say you missed out.
I think that your girlfriend is either saying that because ir sounds cool and openminded but she knows you would not really go ahead with this plan- or because she feels (irrationally) a bit guilty about having had many more sexual experiences than you and this his her way to even out things. It sounds like she needs to bbe reassured about your love and committment- not because you did anything wrong but because after her mom's episode she has trust issues.
As for you not desiring to sleep with strangers even with your gf permission, it's normal. Unusual but normal. Not every guy's priority in life is having sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Yes its normal for you not to sleep with other woman and you are a better man for not doing it. I think she really would be crushed if you did sleep with other women, she just doesnt want to feel like she is depriving you. Just don't have sex with other women and when she tell you you should, brush it off.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Its normal for you if you love her. As for her, my guess is what Admiral Ackbar said, "Its a trap!"
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A
female
reader, Isa123 +, writes (26 April 2010):
 She'd rather have you do it now than later when you two are even more serious in the relationship.
You don't want to. Simple. She has to trust your word that you won't get curious in a later date and end up getting curious with another woman.
Do you believe this woman is the only one for you? If so, tell her that you don't want to be with other women.
Really think this through before the both of you get married.
Good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (26 April 2010):
 Could be a test but if it is, then she obviously feels insecure in the relationship and doesn't completely trust you.
But with such a flippant disregard for things sexual, I'd be wary of continuing a relationship with a woman with such a casual attitude. MAYBE she's up to no good herself and needs this to ease her conscience, who knows?
Proceed with caution, my friend.
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