A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have a question. I am 21 years old and he is 24I have been with this guy for almost 3 years. I would think he loves me but when I ask him he always says he is not in love with me. He always says he really likes me a lot but he does not love me yet. So I realized that if after almost 3 years together he does not love me he probably won’t love me. So I broke up with him. But my question is than why would he sit 2-4 times a week 1hour in a train to be with me and the way he cares for me and he does not even do it for sex, if he does not love me?? Why would you be with someone for almost 3 years if you didn't love them? It just does not make any sense to me.I used to think he loves me because the way he treats me really says he loves me, but that he does not know it because he had never been in love before. But know I'm starting to think he really does not love me because by know he should have said it already. So now I don't know if I did a really big mistake by breaking up with him because we were not even having problems.any answers or advise would be welcome
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 April 2010):
 Not everything makes sense or has a cosmic meaning. Just let it go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't think that I was selfish because I just couldn't take it anymore. I love him with all my heart. He was my first and I can't imagine how my life would work without him. That's why I really struggle with my choice to break up.But it got to a point where I just can't go on like. He didn't kiss me that often anymore and we don't even have sex as regularly anymore. I really started to feel unloved and I just couldn't stay in a relationship like that. I really want to be loved to. But what I don't understand is why he would hold on to me like that? It really makes no sense.
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female
reader, It's all be okay  +, writes (26 April 2010):
Oh poor you.I had something like this once - a guy who I saw regularly for a long period - who seemed to like me.But like your (ex)boyfriend, who did not love me.Look honey, you've a long life ahead of you, and you need someone in it who really loves you, and tells you, and shows you. Not someone who is just happy to go along with your company, for whatever reason. It's not your job to figure out his reason, but only your job to know that this is not what you want, and to do as you did, that is, to move on and find someone else who will love you the way you deserve.Well done on being so brave! And Good Luck
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male
reader, ManAfterChrist  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 I will not tell another woman that I love her until I marry her. Personally, I think relationships nowadays get too involved before marriage. So, maybe he feels kind of the same way. He doesn't want to say he loves you, because saying that is a promise that he will love you forever. At least that is how I see it. And that's a promise he can't keep if he isn't married to you yet.
I'm sorry, but I think it was selfish of you to have broken up with him over that. It should have at least been explored more. You could have asked all these questions before breaking up with him.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (26 April 2010):
I dont think you made a mistake. You had a problem: you were witha guy for 3 years that didn't love you! Thats a big problem as far as I see it. Even if he "truly does love you underneath it all" as we can all hope for, the point is he is either putting up an act of what he thinks he should do to be nice, or he has no connection with his emotions thus having no clue as to what he feels.
This is a big problem because how would you ever be able to take a step further with this man not knowing if he will someday just up and leave because he's gettingbored playing charades? Pretending to love you when he does not? I also think he is emotionally cut off and that is quite hurtful. How could he be with you and string you along for so long when he knew that he didn't have feelings for you? I think that sounds quite mean. You deserve someone who truly loves you, and he shouldn't have kept on to you for 3 years when he knew he didn't love you. The fact that he did this tells me that he truly does NOT love you because he wouldn't even give you the chance to find true love, he was selfsih and wanted you to himself even though he didn't love you.
Why would he sit on a train for so long to be with you? A man who truly loves you can sit on trains for even longer hun, that doesn't prove a thing. People sit on trains for even longer just to go to a concert with a band they aren't even dedicated fans of but just like.
You did the best thing for you. Because in the long run he might have been nice and wonderful and all, but it would hurt you more and more by each passing day to know that he doesnt love you. And you are right, if he doesn't love you after 3 years he probably never will.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the anwers. the problem is I don't really know how he is handling the break up. it was last friday that we broke up and he called me 8 times during the week-end but i didn't pick up the phone. but when i told him it's over he didn't say anything back. so i really don't know what he is feeling.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 April 2010):
 How is he handling the breakup? If the breakup didn't really bother him that much and doesn't mind losing you... then he doesn't love you. If the breakup really effected him and he's finding out that he can't live without you... then he does love you (whether he understands that or not)
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female
reader, judeywoodeyrocks +, writes (26 April 2010):
i think we stayed with you for that long cus he thought that you may be the one person that he may find love with. he was holding onto you because his heart wouldnt let him let go. he said all this stuff to make you react in ways soo he could see the different ways you could be, maybe to see if there would be a time when you could love you. there were probs times in the relationship when he only thought of you as friends. in a way i dont think you have made a mistake cus he will now realise what life is like without you and maybe realise that he did love you after all but just didnt feel it, but on the other hand i do think you have made a mistake cus you could have held onto him for longer and by letting him go then you have given him a chance to date other people, and he may find love with them.
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