A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok i really need some help here,me and my ex have been broken up since Oct. 09 its a lot more complicated then just breaking up but i'll get to the main point.We just recently after 6 months of not talking or seeing eachother have started at least minimal contact again.And this is what he keeps repeating- Im sure your happier now and that your parents aren't as on your back (like they were when i dated him) it seems like you got it all now and that all i did was hurt you so i let you go, we both moved on (after i told him i have a new boyfriend, and he got a gf after we broke up but im sure if they are still together-heard they arent) then he says but do u see yourself with him for a long time?Then when i tell him certain things he does he says well im like that i do that. And it just seems like he is trying to make it known that he is all of those things. Anyway we stopped talking about things relationship wise and now it seems like hes back to trying to be "hard" or whatever guys do.I told him that maybe one day when were both single we can talk and resolve some things but since were both in relationships (im open about my new bf he is closed off and nvr seems to mention a gf) we havent really had the time to talk so i hope he is happy until then.Then he said- i understand. and only when i mention about being happy now does he say were both happier now blah blah blah. But it seems from everything he says that he isn't happy- well at least he isnt too happy that were not together.So many question is i kind of want to avoid small talk to yest i said well i gotta go i'll text you later and then i never did. I kind of want him to initiate any contact from here forward and i wanna know the best way to do this? Do i ignore him act like im busy or do i text back to his texts or call back to his calls? I dont want to make myself readily available to him. Thanks for the help!
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female
reader, single gal  +, writes (29 April 2010):
there s a reason you guys broke up in the first place. stop all communication with him, ex's can be tricky to deal with.
you probably still have feelings for him. but are they enough to hurt your current boyfriend.
thats just his ego talking.
remind yourself everytime he talks to you of the reason you broke up
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Well then he still has feelings for you. Saying "You're better off without me" or "I always hurt you anyway" is his way of trying to seem like he's doing this for you. He wants you to think he's willing to live with hurt feelings for you.
He's jealous and he wants you back. Breakups are hard and can drag on for a while. Odds are you broke up for a good reason and it wasn't just a one time thing. If you are unsure about whether or not you want to get back with him, it's because you don't really want to get back with him... you're just trying to convince yourself otherwise out of doubt or from him trying to make you feel guilty.
One thing is for sure, from what you told us I can say he is not interested in just being friends. Either you get back together with him or you end all contact.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have now moved forward but now its hard because even when an ex comes back into the picture your feelings can still develop for them.
So im questioning whether i can be with him or not also.
Whenever we really do he says stuff like well i always just hurt you so im glad your happier now.
And its kind of like hes playing a sympathy card and i just said that we werent always this way.
When we talk about relationship stuff he seems more into the conversation when its just small talk its like he avoids it or keeps its short.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (28 April 2010):
Sometimes relationships with ex's don't work out. If it were up to you would you just like to be friends with him or is there a chance you could ever get back together?
It sounds to me that he isn't taking things so well, and any talk about you having a boyfriend with just make him jealous. If he doesn't seem capable of talking ONLY about non relationship stuff, the perhaps you two cannot be friends. At that point, just cutting off all contact would be the best (and hardest) way to go.
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