A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI'm confused in my relationship and not sure were it is going. My girlfriend and I met about 18months ago, she had three children to her previous partner, and we now have a child of our own, which I'm real happy for.We love other a lot and want to spend the rest of our lives together, I love her for who she is, and loads of other things!But she now tells me that we can never have relationship until I am a Christian (Saved). Why would you say things like this, when she says how she feels on one hand, and then comes out with this. Am I bit thick in this situationCan someone give me advice, that has been in a similar situation? Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): i am also a Christian Woman and i see here that people are judging her because she had sex with you while she was already "saved" let me tell you something people make mistakes and God forgives.. some people think that because we are christians we aren't allowed to make mistakes well we are all humans and live in the flesh... i think people are forgetting that we are made of skin and bones just like everybody else.
Being a Christian is pleasing God above everyone and anything!!!! God is First!!!! the difference is when we do make a mistake such as the one that your girlfriend did... we ask God for forgiveness and try not to commit this sin again and she is trying to do the right thing by not being with you if you're not saved the bible says we should not live in fornication and she just wants the best for you...
she is not being a Hypocrite shes being sincere with God... she made a mistake just like any human and now shes trying to fix it and to fix it YOU need to be supportive and if you love her like you say you do then be by her side whats it going to cost you if you go to church once in a while.. Church is free! and its not such a big sacrifice like the one JESUS had to do to forgive our sins you are not being crucified she just wants you to go to church and be saved BIG DEAL!!!!!
People make mistakes
HE WHO IS FREE OF SIN, THROW THE FIRST STONE!
God Bless you and try your best to understand =]
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (2 May 2010):
 Don't compromise you have your rights and your own beliefs and she met you with these beliefs and it really wrong of her to try to pressure you into converting to a religion by given an ultimatum.
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female
reader, Eva_shaw  +, writes (1 May 2010):
Do not compromise your beliefs under any circumstances. There is integrity to being accepted for who you are rather than for who you are supposed to be in order to fit someone's criteria. We are lucky to live in Europe where people are free to believe what they choose to (or not to). Your religious views are yours and your alone as her devotion to christianity is hers. It is of course her prerogative to believe in any deity she wishes but coercing you a) is hugely unfair, b) is never going to work anyway. People don't choose their beliefs. Something either makes sense or it doesn't and if you give in to this hypocricy it will only come back to haunt you as you will either be forced to live in a lie or your true feelings will eventually rebel and cause more problems.I am not even going to point out the obvious gap between professed faith and actions. Other posters have done that for me. She may be a great person but sometimes love just isn't enough and sadly religious differences are about as intense as it can get. Somehow I wish both of you had given your compatibility in such fundamental issues more thought before an innocent child entered the picture. I am wishing you the best.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (1 May 2010):
 Well, I'm going to state the obvious here and say that if she was truly "saved" all of this time she wouldn't have a child with you without being married. She's being very hypocritacle, the question is.... what caused this sudden change? Pressure from an outside source? Family? Church? Or is this just something that is in her personality?
Either way, it's not looking good. Don't sacrifice your beliefs. You haven't hid anything from her... she's the one swtiching things up all of a sudden.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe ans to some of your questions; she is saying she was saved before she met for approx 4 years. We actually moved in together a few months before our child was born! 6 months down the road, I noticed her a bit off with me, and it was causing arguments. Then she said I wouldn't understand she had to please the lord, she was doing wrong!!!
I suggested I move out an we both take some space! I would marry her tomorrow morning, but she is getting even stronger with this issue! Its different now that we even spend time together, there was a time we couldn't get enough of each other!
She new what I was when we started going out! As I was aware of her, but it was never an issue, until recently!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): Hi OP. Like yourself, I'm a Paddy also. And like most of us in Ireland, I was reared Catholic. Given all that's happened with the Cathoilc Church in Ireland and worldwide, I've burned my bridges with them.Back to your situation. I have had a lot of experience with "saved" Christians. Mostly good, I have to say, but I have generally found that many of them are the type of people who are suggestible and are looking for that something that's missing in their lives. I have a good friend who spent years trying to "save" me! Lovely, genuine guy. Met him about 20 years ago when we had adjacent apartments. Of late, he's confided in me that he was pressurised into thinking along the lines that others were thinking. They convinced him that he'd led a very bad life up to that and he fell for it and was "saved." In truth, he was a saint compared to the rest of us. He didn't drink or smoke, and led a very modest life. All while myself and others drank, smoked, chased women and generally led fairly carefree lives!Looking back now, I realise that, despite being the awful sinner that I was (!!!!!!), I was a much better balanced person than he was. My life hasn't been perfect but it hasn't been far from what I would have hoped for.Is it possible that your partner is on a guilt trip because of having had 3 children with another guy and then one with you? Maybe because God is angry with her? I have found that religion is all about mind control. I'm not sure who's controlling hers, but, if I were in your situation, I don't think I'd like to be controlled in the way she's suggesting. Being Born Again means no alcohol, no cigarettes and a life quite different to what we paddys regard as normal. Could you handle that? I think she's the one who needs to change.I hope it all works out for you, however.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): I think that what she is doing is perfectly wrong. She is using God to manipulate you into religion.
Tell her that you cannot be in a relationship until she stops beeing superstitious. Safe relationships comes out of sane brains.
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A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Well you have a few options.
You can lie. Just appease her and say, "If its important to you, I believe"
You can tell her you don't understand this sudden desire, and you think she is being unfair. Tell her she chose you and accepted you initially and at this point, you do not intend to become a Christian for her sake, and she can respond as she chooses.
You can actually try to believe and become a Christian, in a sincere way. It works for some people, who knows? Maybe just the effort will be enough to satisfy your girlfriend.
What kind of relationship is she denying you?
Keep us posted!
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): I am a Christian and I can understand why she doesn't want to be with you until you are saved... God is first above all things and she wants to be right with God and the Bible says that we shall not live in Fornication which is sex before marriage... I agree you shouldn't be forced into any religion but if you love her like you say you do... you should at least be intrested in going to church with her wonder what changed her ask her questions and be supportive... she's just trying to please God... please understand... this is a good thing that has happend to her it doesn't hurt to go to church once in a while its not going to kill you.... it would actually benefit you... if she wants you to be saved she obviously loves and cares for you... again Please try to understand God has became the most important person in her life above all you should try to do the same if you want.... the bible says that he who seeks God, God will seek him... Jesus loves you hope everything works out for you God bless
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (28 April 2010):
If she became "saved" before you had this child together, then she's being a hypocrite and has no right to make you do this.
If she became "saved" after, which I presume is the case along with raiders, then this gets more complicated. Her religion dictates that this must happen. At that point, there's not much you can do except decide for yourself. Yes or no. But gl605 was exactly right in saying sometimes we cannot follow....
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female
reader, raiders +, writes (28 April 2010):
I'm assuming she became a born again Christian after the birth of your child. She has cleanse her soul and has decided not to live in sin from this point on, correct. Its really tough because this is her decision and she has chosen her own religion. Her interpretation of her religion and her bible is what she will follow and it will be hard to make her walk in a curving lane if she considers herself saved. Its unfair for her to want to force you to convert, because this should come out of you freely and willingly. Many wars have been fought for the sake of religion and I guess its now your battle and unfortunately your going to have to make a decision.
On a personal note I would not let anyone pressure me in doing something I don't want to do. Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): I know you have said that you want answers from someone who has been in a similar situation, I haven't but I can't help but post something, Although I am married to a Catholic and I am not
You can't become a Christian, because your girl friend wants you to. Your choice of faith if any is personal, not something that can be forced on you.
I can't quite understand your girl friends stance on this how can she have a child with you, without you being a Christian, but to have a relationship with you she wants you to be one?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 I can't help you much to be honest, I am just curious as to why she would want to have a child with you, and seemingly be in an active relationship with you for 18 months, then suddenly wont have a relationship with you anymore? Did she consider what you had for the last 18 months a relationship?
Can this have anything to do with the new baby and perhaps she wants it baptized or something?
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