A
female
age
36-40,
*ewells85
writes:Dear cupid, So i was feeling disconnected and unappreciated by my bf. Attempted to talk to him about it but he was convinced I was "overreacting" ..one thing led to another, I ended up hanging out with one of his on again off again acquaintances andwhile it wasn't right, I ended up sleeping with him. Well my bf found out by looking thru my phone and I couldn't lie to him so I confessed. We broke up obviously but I do love him and we were able to try and slowly work towards rebuiding a relationship.. but there are few more strings attached than anticipated and its getting to the point of crossing the line. He has told me the only way he will be okay with me cheating on him is if he gets to cheat on me.. and that he is going to do it. I'm not okay with this but I've been hanging on and I know his willingness to really want to be with me and work through these issues.. now the white elephant in the room. He insists he's goin to cheat on me for the simple fact he wants me to hurt like he hurt. Well I decided to look thru his texts and found out he was talking to his ex again.. when I asked he told me he was prolly gonna do it with her. She lives in another town and we are together 99% of the time.. so I don't thin he's done nething..yet. Its been about 2 months since he found out and while one week will be good, the next could be hellish. Like outbursts and getting pissed at me over the tiniest bulshit like yelling about lighting my cigarette in the car bc it was windy..and he smokes!! I feel like a little punishment/resentment is only natural in the situation but I don't want him talking to his ex.. which he claims he doesn't even want to sleep with her nemore and he's "had opportunities".. but I found more texts and I simply tired of the abuse. I have noticed (as well as ppl close to me) my dimishing confidence in myself. I feel like he used to appreciate and genuuinely care about me but tnow he seems constantly irritated with me and I have been an emotional wreck geting better but still touchy enuf to tear up.. I want the old "my-call" back but I can't take back what I did. Its like he hates what I did more passionately than his passion and love for me.. what do I do???? And can I salvage my relationship?Please help,Loveshim
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (27 April 2010):
 This is not a good situation. What you did by cheating was wrong, but i'm sure you already have found that out so I'm not going to beat you up about it anymore. To answer your question: It doesn't look good for you in getting his old feelings back.
The fact that he is telling you the only way your relationship will work is if he cheats is ridiculous. That is just a way for him to have sex with someone else. If he really loved you, he'd of course be hurt... but if he wanted to make it work it would NOT involve cheating.
A relationship built on both people cheating cannot last. Maybe you should re-consider why you cheated in the first place and decide whether or not you really want to be in this relationship.
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