A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?
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male
reader, yankit  +, writes (26 April 2010):
ome women should NEVER dye thier hair blonde for any reason on the planet(they know who they are) doing something for sex is as old as the hills. I guess it depends on how good the sex is vs how stupid you'd look with blonde hair...get a wig first.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 April 2010):
 He clearly finds other women more desirable then you. He's even told you that if you looked differently he would like you and desire you more.
Do you not like yourself or respect yourself enough to put up with that from him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks again for all your support. I need to explain the porn thing a bit more. Okay, here goes. He does two types of porn- usual porn and another kind called 'faking'. This involves spending hours taking a celebrity's head from say, 'Celebrity City' and blending it into a porn star's body, using photoshop for example. I can't bear him drooling over his handywork, it makes me feel sick to the stomach. What I want to know, is am I being a prudish snob or should I be concerned? I admit for now, he has stopped because we keep rowing about it but it's only a matter of time before he does it again, (behind my back probably) because he keeps talking about it! Advice much needed and very appreciated. Many thanks..
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 April 2010):
 His addiction to porn is a cause for concern. You should let him know where are your limits and boundaries . When he crosses them , be firm with him.
If he continues to enjoy porn at your expense, it is time to reevaluate your relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): The bottom line is: you both have to agree to be happy. So if you both agree that his porn habits are what you want for him, you don't have a problem.
I wonder how the pornography interferes with your sex life.
So what is your concern exactly?
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female
reader, rambini +, writes (25 April 2010):
 When i wrote my response to your first question, my head was already screaming "leave him!" but i know when you're in a relationship you obviously want to try and make it work, which is why i offered advice to that effect. However, the update to your question has just solidified in my head that the only option is to leave him, or put up with a life of misery. He treats you like a slave, clicking his fingers when he wants you there, telling you how to look, then kicking you out when he is fed up. its unacceptable and he is showing you no respect whatsoever. this man doesn't love you, you are just there to service his needs. his obsession with porn is disgusting and will continue irrespective of what you say, and he will always compare you to these girls he sees on porn videos, and you will never ever be good enough for him.
please just muster up some self respect and ditch his sorry self. him and his right hand will cope just fine, and you can go on and find a man who loves and respects you.
best of luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks again for your advice- would like some more please! I currently live with my bf, but I feel awkward because he asks me when I'm going out because he needs a couple of hours at least twice a week to do porn (he says!) What I don't get is why doesn't he do this when I go to the gym etc. Its like, if he wants to do it there and then, he gets cross because I'm there. I not sure if I should accept this, because I'm supposed to be living with him. How do I deal with this situation? Many thanks.
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (24 April 2010):
It was just a simple and maybe innocent request from your partner to spice up his sex life. Probably got the idea from watching those porn movies.
You could either accept it, modify it or reject it totally. To go looking for his intentions or to leave him because of such a trivial request is extreme and bizarre!!
If you don't want to dye your hair, you can buy a blond wig, or buy those instant & temporary hair spray on's and have them shampoo off afterwards.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010): Whatever, let him live out the rest of his life whacking off to pictures (PICTURES!?) of women obviously he can't even get in real life. I mean that's just sad...And then he's comparing A REAL WOMAN to PICTURES of women that he can't even get?? ...weird...You should move on and find yourself a guy who lives in the REAL WORLD. Sorry to break it to you but this guy sounds really pathetic. I wouldn't even feel at a loss if I dumped him...
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female
reader, Kassi (Nova)  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 I would dump him. If he can't accept how you look and has openly told you he'd be more attracted to you if you looked like Porno Barbie, he's a jerk. He's obviously not your ideal either- most guys aren't. What next? Is he going to ask you for implants?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): Tell him you will dye your hair blonde AND give HIM more sex if he dyes his hair purple and grows his penis an extra 6 inches. If he can't conform DUMP HIM. That's exactly what he deserves. This guy is pathetic. Don't be pathetic too. Lose this idiot. You deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): no, you don't want to dye your hair blonde, so don't do it, why should your hair colour mean more sex.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (23 April 2010):
He's telling you he'd rather have sex with somebody else. A blonde specifically. Leave him, you don't want somebody like that. Or, you can tell him you'll start pretending to be a blonde if he'll start pretending he's not a selfish a*#hole.
:-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): Thanks very much for all your advice, much appreciated. Im thinking maybe a wig? Then at least I can take it off afterwards!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): TALK TO HIM. If he cant accept u for the way you are, then you cant be with him, tell him that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): I had this problem. I don't anymore. I remember having the ever-growing requests for this bra, that nightie, this shaving maneuver, those heels, these eyelashes, etc. I grew weary.
In a nice and kind manner I explained: porn taught him lame sex moves. Porn women are paid to act like it feels good. I directly stated whatever he does to me that duplicates porn causes me to think, "That's it?" I said, "I like to be turned on, so why don't you put on this, and wear that, and have X, and Y, and Z, and you'll get more action." He was shocked to see he doesn't have X, or a Y, and especially a Z!!!
So he stepped up. He started coming to the scrimmage line. Because we both communicated what turns us on and what we want. Restructuring sexual references takes a lot of work and time. You have to communicate what you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): i think thats ridiculous. If he wants u to have blonde hair tell him to get a full wax. Because getting ur natural hair colour back after u have bleached it cannot be done. I think he is being a selfish pig. Id be leaving him if i were u. Let him have his blonde little bimbo and u go out have fun and get urself a real man who loves u for who u r.
All the best
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Are you sure thats what he said and meant, and that he wasn't just joking? It would be so hurtful if you did dye your hair only to hear him say he liked you better with dark hair.
No you should not dye your hair for his sake. You should do it only if you want to and are comfortable with it. And it should not be done so you can get a "prize". If he doesn't want to have sex with you he doesn't want to have sex with you, and thats where the issue lies. Not in your haircolour.
You and your partner need to work this through or end it, because the solution does not lie in your hair colour.
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male
reader, themonkey39  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 A girl I know had a tattoo done by her boyfriend, which she later found out was the same as one on a pornstar!
Let's just say she wasn't happy about it to say the least.
The idea of guys in relationships watching porn should be that they get their extra kicks out there, and keep it seperate in the bedroom in my mind.
You should't have to change anything about yourself that you don't want to do dear =]
x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): i think id be telling this man in no unceratin terms that if he is willing to withold sex because my hair is the wrong colour for him, then i will find the extra sex that i need elsewhere.
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female
reader, rambini +, writes (23 April 2010):
I dont think you should dye your hair, or in fact have to change in any way to suit a partner who threatens/bribes/coerces you into doing it.
however if you want to compromise, maybe you could do a little role play with him, where you wear a blonde wig. this might satisfy his fantasy, without you being forced to change.
best of luck xx
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female
reader, Just Diana  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 leave him.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Gosh it seems like today is the day for all the girls to come out on this site who have the idiot partners! We have had 2 guys that are complaining their girlfriends are fat, and now we have another idiot to add to the list who wants you to dye your hair!
Basically if you dont want to dye your hair then dont do it! If he wants some blonde, fake porn star then he can keep on watching his porn, because real women dont look like that and there is no reason to make yourself look like one just to please him.
I would leave him in his fantasy world and find yourself a real man who wants to have sex with you regardless of your hair colour! All he will be left with is his hand for pleasure, whereas you will have a real man who can give you all the pleasure you need.
If your partner really is so shallow that he would withold sex from you just because you dont have blonde hair, then he really is not worth your time.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Buy a wig. ?????
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female
reader, TooGenerous +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Porn in relationships always leads to heartache. If I were you I would just get some wigs - if he needs to have the feeling of having sex with other women then that should be enough. I use to have the same problem with my man. We would rather be at topless bars than at home with me, when I had two little children to take care of. When I went to the store, I would come back home and he would have the Playboy channel on. It was degrading to me. I felt like what do I not have that all of these women have? If he is not happy with the wigs then I would move on to someone who respects you for who you are. And don't get mixed up with someone else who is addicted to porn.
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