A
female
age
30-35,
*onfussedANDUnsure
writes:Okay, I honestly dont know where to start.... well lets just jump in I have a 2 month old lil boy with a man i have been with for 3 years but for the past month i have been havin a emotional affair i have not slept with this new man but i have confided in him and have told him this i haven't even told david (the man i have been with for 3 years) But let me back up a little bit, You see david is a good guy but he makes me feel so bad about myself sometimes cause he tells me i am fat and mind you i am only a size 9 ad just had a baby 2 months ago and last year before i got pregnant i was planning on marrying david but he left me 2 days before our wedding but i went back to him for some unknown reason and now we have a wonderful lil boy together.... I'm not sure what to do i still love david but he has done me wrong in so many ways that sometimes i cant stand to look him... but this other man he makes me feel beautiful and wanted, and now i have started to develope feelings for him.. Please someone help me or give me some advice i dont know what to doConfused and Unsure
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (6 May 2010):
 Glad to hear things are going in a better direction for you. Keep us updated on everything and good luck. :-)
A
female
reader, ConfussedANDUnsure +, writes (5 May 2010):
ConfussedANDUnsure is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank all of yall for all of your help.... last friday i sat david down and i told him everything.. how he made me feel when he left me and when he told me i was fat.. i told him about josh and how he makes me feel better about myself.. and I also told him that i do want to work things about.... well i made him move out until we can get back right cause argueing everyday wasn't good for either one of us.. But right now things are slowly getting better we haven't agrued since and david agrees ALOT but not ALL of our are do to things he has done and he wishes he could go back in time.... but we can't so we are just trying to move on and forward.... but timme thank u most of all cause you helped me see alot and u are right had my mom stayed i would not have wanted that cause now she is happy with a new man and her life is better and i wouldnt have wanted her to settle for a life that made her unhappy and i shouldn't settle for that either and thats why i am tryin to make it better... But again thank u all
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (29 April 2010):
Well, you can just try being honest with David. I know it's easier said than done, but sitting down with him and letting him know what you are feeling may be the best way to go. Let him know that the stuff he says about your wait REALLY upsets you. When you combine that with the other thing he does or has done to you, let him know that while you love him, you are seriously considering your relationship with him. Make sure he know that it's because of the love you have for him that you are making the effort to have this conversation with him in the hopes that things will change.
If he responds in a caring and supportive way, then you can give him one last shot... for your family's sake. But if he reacts aggressively and acts like he's not at fault and even blame's you, then that should make your decision even easier.
You can give him and your family a chance, but he's gotta step up and be supportive. Relationships should be 50/50 and if he doesn't put in the same amount as you do, then it's HIS fault the relationship doesn't work, not yours.
Is there a guaranteed way to keep things civil no matter what? No. But lets say your mother stayed with your father all those years ago and you found out later in life that she purposely accepted a life being unhappy day in and day out just to keep the family together, how would that make you feel?
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A
female
reader, ConfussedANDUnsure +, writes (29 April 2010):
ConfussedANDUnsure is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay i get what you're saying but how do i go about leaving him with out making this a bad situation, I still want us to get along and to be able to be around each other. I dont want to make this any harder then it already is. I do still love david... i'm just not in love so tell me how.... I know I need to but I dont want to hurt him like he hurt me.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (28 April 2010):
So you'd rather be with David and be unhappy? I'm sure is a great environment for you child to grow up in. He left you 2 days before your wedding, do you think he is capable of doing that again?
If you stay with David then you need to break it off with this other guy. If you continue having your emotional affair then that isn't healthy for your "family".
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A
female
reader, ConfussedANDUnsure +, writes (28 April 2010):
ConfussedANDUnsure is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know i should leave david but we have a 2 month old lil boy and i dont want to loose my family or make my son go through what i went through when i was growing up...(my parents split when i was 4) and they played tug-a-war with me and my sisters and that wasn't fair to us
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A
female
reader, ConfussedANDUnsure +, writes (27 April 2010):
ConfussedANDUnsure is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u both but just so you know, i said it once already but me and the other guy have not slept together and i have never cheated on david he is the dad i dont need a dna test... i just dont know what to do i just want to be happy but like they say the grass isnt always greener on the other side... like i said i really do love david but the hurt and pain he's caused me just won't go away and i know its not healthy
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A
female
reader, It's all be okay  +, writes (27 April 2010):
Oh why don't people deal with one things at a time?You are in a relationship with a man who treats you unkindly, calls you fat, and abandoned you two days before your wedding. He has done you much wrong.So why are you still with him????? Leave him. Then take your time about jumping into a new relationship. Take some time to look after your child, to look after yourself, to work out why you allowed your current partner to treat you this way.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (26 April 2010):
Leave David. Staying with somebody who doesn't make you happy isn't good for you or your child. You don't need to be put down and have your appearance criticized. Especially from somebody who left you at least once already.
Leave him. Be with the person who makes you feel good about yourself.
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A
male
reader, yankit +, writes (26 April 2010):
Can you spell DNA? Once you know who's the baby daddy your enmotions will fall in place
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