A
female
age
30-35,
*olaroid93
writes:Hi, thanks for your time,I'm 17 and the guy I'm having casual sex with is man who is 46, with the benifit of hindsight will I look back and think what he is doing is wrong?It's just a pattern I've noticed throught life, as I get older I look back on people that are younger and think they're too young or something, or perhaps I'm just patronisng.Anyway my real question is how do guys of a similar age feel about girls my age? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Polaroid93 +, writes (25 April 2010):
Polaroid93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell you have well and truely doused my passion, perhaps for the bestI know your giving good advice but there is always the chance we stand at different levels on a moral scale and therefore would not percieve it how you do at your ageI don't drink often, although after Reading the post with the other questions link in I can see how you came to that conclusion! It's two rare instances and when I met the older guy I wasn't drunk, I had just eaten and had one pint of ciderI'm taking your advice despite it being currently protestablethanks
A
male
reader, yankit  +, writes (25 April 2010):
funny you use the word 'guy" @ the age 46. Where I come from 46 could be considered dirty old man..depends on your perspective I guess. The age gap won't be a physical problem as far as I know. but intellectually there will always be a canyon.I mean look at you already asking the most important question of ( what will I think when I'm mature?)
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (25 April 2010):
 Would this be the same pub that you wanted to take the other older lad to, the one who couldnt commit to girls for long?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-asking-for-disappointment-if-i-ask.html
I would suggest staying off the booze, and trying to get to know guys your own age.
"It's just a pattern I've noticed throught life, as I get older I look back on people that are younger and think they're too young or something, or perhaps I'm just patronisng."
Yup, its called hindsight and growing up.
So, those of us who are older than you - I am 10 yrs older than you, can see what silly mistakes you are making now. We are trying to help you, because we have been there and done it. We can SEE what is going to happen.
Legally you are still a child until you hit 18. (regardless of how mature, and grown up you think you look). You have got so much growing to do as a person, and as a woman in the next 5 years. DO NOT waste it by having casual sex with any man that will offer it to you.Have a bit more self respect, and dont drop your knickers for the price of a couple of drinks. Its not worth it. You will only end up with a reputation, an STI or pregnant. Stay clear of the older men, and stick with someone who is of a similar age with a similar life experience.
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female
reader, Polaroid93 +, writes (24 April 2010):
Polaroid93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, so in reply, we met at a pub in the lake district, I was on holiday there in my friends second house and I wet down for a drink, I have allways had a thing for older men so when I was getting the eye off him I did wink back, my friend went the short walk back to where we were staying and I stayed, he came over to talk to me and after about an hour he asked me how old I was, I said I was 17 and he said he'd thought I was about 20, then he said "sorry I didn't realise you were 17, if you want I'll leave" but I said no.We went for a walk down some of the really quiet b roads, after walking about a mile we sat down and continued talkig then we ended up kissing and things went pretty fast from there and we ended up having sex, he has being divorced and has no kids.To answer the question about the relationship with my father - it's pretty normal, were off outto a gig tonight, we talk alot, he wasn't here when I was younger.And in the UK the age of consent is 16.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010): First things... this isn;t about the law. You are over 16, the age of censent in the U.K. and pretty much every other civilised society bar America (who it seems is deathly embarrassed that sex even exists). As such, the law can not do a single thing as it handed over responsibility for your sexual well-being to you the second you turned 16.The problem lies in the fact that you are having doubts. At 46, even if it is not legally wrong, it is still unusual that you would consent to a old man having a sexual relationship with you.You have allowed thoughts of anyone younger to be met with scorn on your part. You believe younger men are immature. I would venture this is because you have been hanging out with the wrong types of men.A 46 year old man who would have no issues with sleeping with a teenager is just as immature as the teenage male is.If you have doubts now... I can tell you it will only get worse. What happens when you hit your sexual peak and he's on his death-bed? Do you really want to be stuck as a nurse for the better part of your youth?Once again, it is not your age I really care about. As I said, as you are past the age of consent for your country, you can make the decision about what is best for you sexually for yourself.I just fear that you are giving up on young men too easily. Old men were young once as well. How do you think they learned the things they did? By being the same way the ounger men are.Flynn 24
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 April 2010):
 Men his age love sleeping with young flesh. That's how we feel.
Should you do it? It's your business, but I think you shouldn't.
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female
reader, Kassi (Nova)  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 What this guy is doing to you is illegal and called STATUTORY RAPE. It IS wrong, and you ARE being taken advantage of. The guy is fleecing you by making you think it's your idea, but it seems to me you know it isn't ok. If the guy was in his mid twenties, it wouldn't be so weird, but he is more than twice your age.
I would break it off, and take some time to deal with your feelings.
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reader, msjuicy +, writes (23 April 2010):
 he could be your father if he did that to you its like he's sleeping with his own daughter so honey you have to think before you act you know I'm 20 I wont ever sleep with a 46 years old man cuz he's already 26 years older than me
your a pretty young lady please control yourself and remember don't act before you think
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reader, TimmD +, writes (23 April 2010):
 CindyCares, you deserve a high five for that response. Bravo! lol
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reader, swordandredrose +, writes (23 April 2010):
You might feel ashamed but that's because what you did is considered a taboo. However if YOU don't think of it as a taboo you are never going to regret it. It's just an experience. Personally, I find older men (40s) more attractive.
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reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Oh my", i just hope that you didnt get pregnant. i think you will regret it someday. honey you are 17 and you are in stage of puvirty and you thought this is love. but no" this is not at least i can call love., i really hope that im wrong. but please dont let this old man do it again to you. please run and dont look back.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 will you regret it ? Who knows. My advice would be not to do things if they activate within you this persistent little nagging voice which says "you're gonna regret this one day ". You usually gonna hear it before robbing a bank. Or shaving your head to look like Sinead O' Connor. Or having sex with a man older than your parents.
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reader, TimmD +, writes (23 April 2010):
As already brought up, a normal 47 year old should find sex with a 17 year old girl weird. Especially if he's had children himself.
You are being used for sex by a MUCH older man. Will you regret it? Maybe. But there's also a good chance this will effect future relationships you might have as well. How would a potential husband/boyfriend feel after hearing you had a sexual relationship with a 47 year old man while u were 17? How would your parents feel if they knew?
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reader, yankit +, writes (23 April 2010):
I tend to think you already are having regrets or you wouldn't bother posting the question. Ergo, find a 17 year old stud that has some experience(I asume that's what turned you on in the first place) have sex with him and re-evaluate the question. Yeah, older guys "know" how to please but that's because they were 17 once albeit 30 years ago. Run while you've got your wits about you . run.forrest run!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): Any guy that is that old and doesnt have a well established life which for most would include a wife and kids is probably not all there. Now say hes divorced and may be going through whatever ok i understand that but still to the extent of him going to someone your age is just out of pure sexual and physical attraction. i'm sure maybe over time you two can fall for one another, i think anyone can be in love maybe no truly love someone but love is just a state of mind that two people set themselves in. So to answer your question then Yes more than likely you will regret it. Say you two stay together get married etc u may enjoy it for a while but when he cant do nealy half the stuff you can then its going to go down hill and you will resent him for taking your yonger years away. Youth cant be replaced. Sure you can go to a bar at 50 years old but do you really want to be that person?
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 April 2010):
 I think it's a little worrisome that a 46 year old man actually thinks he has a lot in common with a 17 year old.. Other then sex...
Will you one day look back and regret it? I don't know I think that is up to you. I believe in having no regrets. Which mean have have always thought about my actions BEFORE doing things I wasn't totally sure of, and if I later on found that I had made a "bad" decision I kinda blew if off as a learning experience.
If you feel like it could be "wrong" to do this then stop, if not.. own your own actions. I assume he isn't "making" you have this relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): I like relationships with younger adult women. 17 might be pushing it but as long as it is legal, why not?
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reader, maxxie +, writes (23 April 2010):
 dont regret it... it was just an experience
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reader, Just Diana  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Sweetheart, you are sooooo young. May I ask if your father is a healthy father figure? Is he a present father? This man I do not believe is a unhealthy minded man. What he is doing is wrong. You know this already. You do not need hindsight. Are you not attracted to the men in your age group or in the age braket of 20 - 23?
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 April 2010):
 Im not a guy and nowhere near his age, but I look at guys at 17 as babies. Not to say I didn't enjoy a taste, but they are considered toys. Nothing serious. Of course there's the oddball of true love despite age. But I think the general thought is: lambmeat. Will you regret it? If you have self respect and confidence, no. He's probably teaching you a lot and as long as you enjoy it, and everything is legal, you are just having an experience. Will people judge? Likely yes, which is why these experiments are better kept secret.
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