A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a man one night through a mutual friend. He lives a couple states away but asked for my number so that we could "keep in touch." I assumed it was just a friendly thing as I'm a very social person with friends all over the world. But when we started talking we just couldn't stop. He started texting me that night and hasn't stopped for 3 months. We have a special connection. It's very much a meeting of the minds and souls.I know that we're both going through hard times financially. We've both suffered devastating losses recently in life and love. We agreed not to talk about our problems and make our talks about the good things in life and to be a source of support for eachother. The problem is, that he keeps talking about us seeing eachother again. My friends don't know him, but they are constantly telling me to stop having contact with him. That he's just stringing me along in the hopes that he can sleep with me in the future. I would never sleep with someone without a commiment. He knows I've been celibate for over a year. I consider him a friend, but I do have incredibly strong feelings for him. I feel like we are crossed stars. Neither one of us are in a place where a relationship could work right now. I told him to please just accept that I am there for him as a friend to talk to. Don't make promises he can't keep. I don't expect anything from him. But he insisted that we will be together again soon and seemed upset that I don't believe him. I don't contact him, but it's hard for me to ignore him when he calls me. I still believe deep down that he's trying to be ready for me. And sometimes I worry that even if i am just being used, it's like when a drowning person latches onto you to try not to sink under the water. I care about him enough to sacrifice myself a little if it means he will make it. Is this really just a guy trying to get laid? He's got plenty of options...why me? It doesn't make sense.
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male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Yes, he could just be trying to get laid... but he COULD be genuine. There are a lot of cynical people out there now a days who are going to tell you not to trust him, but in the end you just need to base your opinion of him on your own experiences. As long as you protect yourself, I see know reason not trust him. Use caution. Don't alter your own plan or let him talk you into anything you don't want to do, but also don't be afraid to be excited about talking to him or even seeing him as long as he moves at your speed.
You can give him the benefit of the doubt without being blinded. I think it's always worth taking a chance as opposed to regretting and thinking "What if..." for the rest of your life. If he turns out to be a jerk, then fine... it's his loss. But in the chance he is not that jerk, I think it's worth taking.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 May 2010):
We men are simple souls really. We're predictable. If a man wants sex, he will push for it and if he doesn't get it, he will soon move on. That's pretty much it.
This man has been speaking to you for 3 months, and if he was out to use you, he would have tried and failed by now and would have moved on.
I think you need to stop listening to your friends, and just maybe go out with him a bit more. That way, you'll know where you stand. Take your time, and don't give in if he does pressure you. But I think after 3 months, chances are he's interested in more than just sex.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (27 May 2010):
 I think you need to stop listening to your friends since they don't know him. You two are talking and are getting to know him and in your story you didn't say he talks to you about sex, this is what your friends have told you he probably wants you for. My point is how would they now that,if they don't talk. You have strong views about sex and have been celibate for a year than respect your own values and stop it if it was to go that far.
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A
female
reader, hope2feelu +, writes (27 May 2010):
 If it is meant to be, it will happen. Nor you or him have any control. Listen to your heart, your intuition is 98% correct. I met my boyfriend In 2005. I was married to an abusive man with two children. It seemed completely hopeless. He told me if it was meant to be, it would happen. We did not see each other again until October 2008. My feelings had not changed, if anything had only grown. He asked me to marry him last September, but I am taking things slow. I am forty one and for the first time in my life, I am totally in love. I have never felt a connection with anyone even close to this.
Hope
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Your "really connecting" wouldn't exclude sleeping together. That said,
You say none of you could realistically be involved with the other, at least not for the time being. Yet you two seem interested in having a relationship. In this kind of circumstances, one could guess that perhaps it would be a matter of trying.
There's no way for your friends to know whether he's stringing you along or not. Maybe he really wants something. I agree with you in the sense that probably he has many other options for that. Yet he keeps trying. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
Hard lesson to learn: you don't have to become somebody else's lifesaver. Don't get involved with him just to "save" him from any ghosts. Are you sure there are any ghosts out there to save him from?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): So, I like girls. A lot. And sometimes I go through quite a bit of effort to get a specific one in bed with me.
But I would never go through that much effort. Messages every day? Calling? Saying that you will be together? I think he genuinely has feelings for you if he's going to that extreme.
Just trust me. I'm a player. If I sense it would be too much work to get with a girl, I'm not gonna try. He lives in a different state as you! And if you feel a strong attachment and attraction to him, he probably feels the same as you.
I'm not sure why you said a relationship could not work right now, but listen to your heart. If you truly have feelings for this person, don't let a simple fear that he's playing you hold you back. Because no player that I know would message a girl nightly for three months.
As for the "why me? It doesn't make sense." part... Why the low self-esteem? You seem like a sweet, considerate woman. If you truly connect so well, then why should he choose anybody else?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2010): Relax. He likes you. Give him a chance. Don't knock him down yet! You need to work on liking yourself, getting to know yourself. Everyone deserves love friends and fun happy times. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Felix Francis  +, writes (27 May 2010):
Dear Give him some more time, you are confussed with yourself, correct yourself, make a decision if you select him will he be a right person over a period of time? you get an answer to yourself, match that answer over his behaviour for some period, talk to him but straight away ignore his sex approach, you will find the answer like the litmus paper, time will tell, till that enjoy the sexy talk.felix
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