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female
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anonymous
writes:I'm 26 years old and I have a 2 month old baby with someone I no longer have feelings for. We are both there for our baby but our relationship has become so bad that I cant talk to him without feeling angry or frustrated. Basically, alot happened when I was pregnant and I didnt feel that he supported me enough. Anyway, on saturday i bumped into an ex who I was with on and off for four years until a couple of years ago. I hadnt seen or spoke to him for months. He congratluated me on the baby but then said that he wished we had stayed together and sorted things out. This has really messed my head up because he is the only guy I've ever been in love with and now I cant stop thinking about him. I never really stopped loving him in the first place. I dont know what to do. My main priority is my baby I dont want to rush into anything without being 100% sure that its the right thing to do. But at the same time my ex is on my mind a lot. Why did he need to say those things? What should i do?
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 Your ex does not care about you. He said he did, either because he has not been laid in a while, or because he wanted to mess with your head.
Get back with him, and you will get burned again... only after this time, you probably will have scared off your baby's father, hurting your kid.
Try to work things out with the father. Feelings change, and can develop naturally over time. If not, count yourself lucky that your baby has a father. Kids *need* a father. As long as the two of you can be nice to each other, try to keep him in your life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): Try and fix your relationship. If that doesn't work, let it go and move on. Staying in an unhappy relationship will only be hard on you, him, and the baby. As for that other guy? Stay away from him. Men usually only say that kind of stuff for two reasons.
1. He knows you're easy to get right now because you're miserable and so he can use you for whatever he wants.
2. He feels as if both sides no longer have feelings for each other and such matters can be talked about openly without awkwardness. A lot of guys will ask things like "what do you think would have happened if we stayed together?" or say things like "I wish we stuck it out." But they are just saying that they think they would have ended up happier in the long run, not necessarily that they want to get back with you. Men usually only feel comfortable confessing these things when they feel no threat from the situation, AKA he believes you're over him and he's over you.
So I would say work on what you have, don't focus on what isn't there... Because that second guy isn't really there. If you can't fix what you don't have, find somebody new. The world is full of people who would die to love you.
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female
reader, Sagittarius1  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 A similar meeting occured for me recently when i met up with my ex of almost three years to be told by him that he has feelings for me. He dumped me then he comes back and says he has feelings NOW years later?? do you believe that your ex mean what he said seriously??? Did your relationship with your ex end on bad terms??
You need to think long and hard about this? Do you have any feelings at all for the father of your baby? Can you work on your problems together and resolve them? It would be ideal for your child to have both of his/her parents there for him/her but if you both do not see this going anywhere while it is great that you are both making the effort for your child it is not fair on either of you if you do not want to be in this relationship. you will only end up resenting the man you are with and your life together no matter what happens. Sit down and make a list of the pro's and con's . . .It can't hurt can it?? Alternatively speak to your partner tell him how you feel how he did not support you during your pregnancy maybe he does not realise he has done this. Your ex is only on your mind cos this just happened and you have doubts anyway. He might also have just said it cos he might have been feeling low and he sees you as a happy mum now. Just think tho did he hurt you before and is he capable of doing it again. Can you cope with your baby on your own? For instance if you get back with your ex and that doesn't work out then you can not and may not want to go back to the baby's father and then your on your own?? Only you can answer these questions I hope it all works out for the best. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (1 June 2010):
 This is common for ex's. This is why so many times people get caught in the cycle of breaking up and getting back together. What kind of a relationship did you have? Were there ups and downs? Did the cause of your breakup get resolved? Could it be resolved?
More times than not, nothing has changed and your relationship is doomed to repeat the same mistakes as before.
Your priority is your baby as you said. That should be #1. As far as your ex goes, you really should take some time now that you know how he feels and think about it. Don't rush into anything. If in a few months you go over your past relationship in your head with a fair and open mind, you should be able to be honest with yourself on whether or not a relationship with him would actually work or wouldn't.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (1 June 2010):
Go back to your current boyfriend and tell him that you need counselling. To be 100% sure that you are right to leave, you need to put 100% into trying to fix it first. Get all your feelings out and try to fix it. If it can't be fixed, leave and focus on yourself and the baby. As for this other guy, I think you're walking into a mess. He knows you're unhappy, and he could be trying to use you. Don't walk into a mess. Try hard to fix your current relationship first.
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