A
female
age
30-35,
*06
writes:hi i'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and wants to have a baby but he is alway out in the streets he say's if we have a baby he will settle down with me.What should i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Philosophyzer +, writes (27 June 2010):
 Please dump this man and do not make a horrible mistake! A baby is not something that you use to negotiate behaviors in a relationship. A baby is a living, breathing child that require love, care, and a stable family to support it! You are far too young to be tied down by such a responsibility. If this loser won't quit the games now, he won't quit them then. A baby will only complicate matters and glue you to this lame-o forever! Be smart, be safe, and make the best decision for you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): Hi how long have you been with your boyfriend for?
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female
reader, odeer123  +, writes (9 June 2010):
 When you say that your boyfriend will stop hanging around on the streets if you have a baby with him I get a little lost, I must say... at your age getting pregnant is always by accident! Never planned! And as for your boyfriend - he is ignoring the fact that you are both so young! He is showing such an incredibly selfish attitude towards you I'm surprised you haven't seen it. If he loves you enough to want a baby he would have been off the streets years ago! Mind you, how long have you known eachother exactly? Maybe he wouldn't have, with that thought..I am sorry to say this too, but if you are actually considering having this baby with him you as well as him are guilty of being selfish. A child is not a toy. It is not their to fulfill your requirements. You are their to fulfil ITS requirements. People don't just go having babies to stop their 18 year-old boyfriend from hanging out with his mates down at the street corner. The prospect just DOES NOT WORK, and it worries me dreafully that you are considering this as a possibility!He doesn't seem to care for you as much as you thik he does. You need to ask him outright what he will do if you don't have a baby with him, and if the answer is 'I will leave you' then don't give him the chance! Leave him first and feel good about it.I understand that the idea of having a baby with someone you've cared about for a while seems like a wonderful idea. BUT. Having a baby is a life-long JOB. It doesn't go away when your thirty, sixty, or even when you are on your death bed. It requires effort you couldn't imagine.Do you think if you asked your boyfriend about having a baby now he would say yes? You have too much life ahead of you to be thinking about a baby now. Both of you will change so much throughout your lifetimes you wouldn't be the same people in ten years, might not even recognise eachother- then where would you be left? With a baby. Thats where you'll be left. Boys change far more than girls in the early stages of life, since girls mature quicker. I have virtually no doubt that he wouldn't have even keep to his word about staying off the streets. Live life to the full and find someone who will be with you whether you have none or a thousand babies. Consider the billions of paths that are open to you in the future. Leave your options open for longer and you will be able to build yourself a better picture of who you want to be and what you want to do.I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you strive to follow our advice - we are people with experience, with insight, and with the means of helping YOU to see or yourself what you need to do.
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male
reader, Kenneth +, writes (9 June 2010):
Please don't get pregnant until he marries you.
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (8 June 2010):
 I'd leave him out in the streets and find a boyfriend who is not trying to ruin your future.
Please don't be naive about this. Having a baby is serious business and not something you do to keep your teenage boyfriend around.
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female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Right you are, Q: You'll know he's lying because his lips are moving!
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 June 2010):
 1. When men try to "exchange" something for the woman having a baby, he is trying to control her. In this case, he's trying to promise he'll stop hanging out on the streets if you have a baby. What do those things have to do with each other at all? Once you have his baby, you will be much more tied to him and since it's your baby, you'll be tied to the kid too and feel trapped if you want to leave. It's a control mechanism.
2. You're very young to be having a baby, you clearly don't want one, and if he's not a responsible person now, he's not going to be a responsible father. Having babies to fix things always backfires. Guys sometimes pull away and retreat from the relationship when a baby comes because it's work. He sounds like one of those guys. Honeygirl had a very good point that if he wanted to get off the streets, he would. A baby isn't going to change it.
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female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (8 June 2010):
What you should do: is NOT believe a word that is falling out of the hole under his nose!
You should also NOT have a baby for such a ridiculous reason, sweetie!
What's the problem with acting right NOW, ahead of time?
What reason is there to finally start acting right AFTER the fact?
If he were telling you the truth, he'd have NO problem doing it right now. Call it collateral.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (8 June 2010):
 This would count amongst the worst reasons to have a baby. Seriously.
TimmD has the right advise below.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Oh sweet young girl...don't assume that he will change! Many years ago I was in a similar situation..both 19, found out I was pregnant. The man promised to change, we'd get married..have a happy little family...UH RIGHT...that lasted about 2 months. As I got bigger, he was less available. Not cheating..but "living" as he called it. Not drinking doing drugs, but out all night with friends, working on cars, ect...never home with me, and when the baby came..never home with the baby. 2 years later, divorce. Just because your guy says he will change, doesn't mean he will ok? You might wind up spending alot of nights alone, changing the baby's diaper, feeding the baby, ALONE. Got it? Don't lead the life I did.
Lead your own life, and have a baby when you are ready, secure, and really want it. Don't EVER have a baby to hold onto a man..it won't work. If the guy loves you..he loves you, and he'll be with you. And just a little bit more of advice..sometimes a baby can bring people closer, but MANY times it just pushes them further apart.
PLEASE THINK THINGS THROUGH VERY CAREFULLY! You are so young sweetheart, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Trust me, having a baby young is really not fun. You can do it, but its not all fun and games, Its alot of hard work and sacrifices like you can't even imagine.
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Tell him you'll have a child with him when he stops hanging out on the streets.....
And becomes responsible.
And shows you how much he loves you.
And cares for you.
And marries you.
And shows that he wants to help support you.
And wants to provide for you and a child.
And gets a job.
Otherwise, don't fall for what he said.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): The stess of having a baby will probably push him further away and make him spend less time with you. Plaus y whould a baby matter in this equasion? If he's not spending time with you now, and hes giving you ultimatums like that, i don't think you guys have a tight enough bond to have a baby. Then theres the age. How would you support this baby? Do you want to give up on all these fun experiences you could be having to stay at home everynight to take care of one? Your not even 21 yet and have so much to see in this world. I would hold off.
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male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Let him know that you wish him well. Sweetie, you have an entire life ahead of you. You are 17. You have college, a career, and a life long journey just around the corner. This is really a no brainer. Even if he delivers on his promise, how are you a winner? 17 and a baby in tow. You have better cards on the table, so play them.
I really wish you the best of luck. I have a feeling you will make the right decision.
Jeff
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 June 2010):
Don't do it. If he wanted to spend time with you would
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Well, what do you want?? A baby when you are not ready for one? The financial pressure to feed, clothe and educate a child??
He is always out on the streets because HE LIKES BEING OUT ON THE STREETS!! having a baby will not make him change his ways - if he wanted to change his ways, he would!!
Rather put your energy into your education and make something of yourself before you settle down with a loving partner and have a family!
Honeygirl
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Do NOT have a baby with him!!! He won't live up to his word. You have children with men who are already MATURE, not one who isn't.
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