A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Are there any men in their early 20's here that know for a fact you would never cheat on your signifiacant other? How do you know you would never? Do you try to stay out of situations where you may be tempted? (Like going to bars stc without your s/o)Even if you were very drunk, do you think you would still be able to saty faithful no matter what?
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male
reader, truelover  +, writes (8 June 2010):
 I think cheating is the result of a choice made by the individual (just like so many other things in life) & therefore is largely under our control. I find it strange that people have come to paint cheating as something inevitable, a case of just being exposed to the "right form of temptation"... as if everything in our lives is determined primarily by extraneous factors (for instance, the environment, presence of beautiful, seductive members of the opposite gender, & the influence of alcohol / drugs)... such reasoning is clearly a form of escapism ...
You can only be as sure as you can be ... to demand that someone be "perfectly sure" about not cheating under any circumstances (for e.g. under the influence of liquor, or some mind-altering drug perhaps ?) is fallacious... the people who don't cheat, wouldn't expose themselves to such situations where they'd lose control in that manner... so IF someone can't hold his/her liquor (insert any other form of losing control) they simply would NOT place themselves in such situations. In fact, by insisting on being "perfectly sure", one can claim that anyone can do anything given the right circumstances & triggers (as if we're all serial killers, psychopaths, rapists, losers, etc. in the making)...
If remaining faithful to the one you love is important enough to a person, they wouldn't cheat... it's as simple as that. Despite being new when it comes to relationships, I'm certain I'd never cheat & I'm sure I'm not the only one of my kind.
It boils down to your values & how important you consider fidelity to be.
q, funny one there... :) here's a rejoinder:
"Is it not surprising that people more readily believe someone's confessions of flaw than their proclamations of virtue while the truth has nothing to do with proclamations or confessions ? "
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Everybody has temptation. EVERYBODY. But it comes down to values, trust, and above all else doing what is right.
I'm late 20's but I can say with 100% certainty that I would not cheat on my significant other. That doesn't mean a stray thought hasn't crept into my head ever, but there is a difference between thinking it and acting on it. Good men don't cheat. And I don't want to hear any of that crap about even good people stray or have a moment of weakness because it's just that: crap.
Good men don't cheat, and I WANT to be a good man.
And don't even get me started on the "alcohol factor". Alcohol will not make a good person cheat. Alcohol will make a cheater more likely to cheat. It's an excuse.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (7 June 2010):
Most of whether or not you'll cheat is made up in your own morals and has very little to do with temptation.
I got through my 20's without cheating. I went to plenty of bars, clubs, got really drunk, took drugs, had some really great experiences! I didn't cheat because it just isn't me. I had some really crap periods of time in my 20's with unsuitable girlfriends but never felt any kind of urge in cheating on them.
I actually think most people don't cheat. It's only because you hear about the people that do, that it seems a big problem.
By the way I'm not saying I'd never cheat. Nobody can say they would never cheat, but it seems pretty unlikely. Also when you love, and truely know your partner well, you can tell how they deal with temptations, or with difficult periods in a relationship.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 If the guy is truly in love and truly emotionally committed then it doesn't matter if he's high as a kite, drunk as a skunk, surrounded by beautiful women or all three, he'll remain faithful.
I imagine it could be hard finding a guy like this who is mature and ready for that "zen master" level of dedication in his early 20's though.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Be very careful Mr. Anonymous, we've had women come on this site that have accidentally slipped and fallen on an occasional stray penis.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I've never cheated. Never will.
It just takes plain old self-control.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 June 2010):
I'm sure I wouldn't cheat. But of course, that's only a hopeful opinion. Plus, I'm very happy with my girlfriend and don't feel the need to stray. but if I was unhappy, or feeling different, who knows? No one could say for sure. But it doesn't just apply to men in their twenties. It applies to all men and women. No one can say anything for sure. You have to trust the person, and both of you have to spend time with each other. The moment you get lazy with a relationship is when things start to change and someone might cheat.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 June 2010):
 I'm not a man in my early twenties, but I can say that being a man in your early twenties does not make you a cheater just because the temptation is there. There are the nice guys out there who have stronger willpower than that, I'd say probably the majority, or at least I like to think that highly of most men. I think in general when a man cheats with a bar one night stand, it's not because he went out with the intention of being good, got smashed and went home with some skank who preyed on his drunkenness. Generally the men who that happens to want it to happen and is always on "high cheating alert" for opportunities. Cheating isn't something that just happens to nice guys who weren't looking. I hung out with a bunch of frat boys in college who did nothing but drink and I can safely say that the men with girlfriends never cheated while drunk, even when so drunk they couldn't remember their own name. The one guy who did cheat on his girlfriend was in a 4 year long distance relationship and made a conscious decision to do so.
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