A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been talking to an older guy online. He is someone I've met in person before, so not a total stranger, but I never knew him very well in the past. Anyways, after chatting with him online I started to like him a lot. It seems he may be returning my feelings also (!) as he wants to meet me after I turn 18.But I'm beginning to have doubts. Besides the fact that our conversation seems to have fallen into a rut, I'm not the only girl he's talking to - not by a long shot. He gets kind of flirtatious with all these other girls, and I wonder what he's telling them. So I'm wondering what he sees in me and why he would show interest in me. If he's throwing out lines to see which fish bite, then what happens to me when a girl who's prettier and easier than me returns his interest too? Besides that, I don't know what he wants with me when he could easily find a woman closer to his own age... what's so special about me? Does he really like me, and is there any chance that we could end up having a healthy relationship?One part of me (the impulsive part) just wants to completely cut contact with him and run for the hills, but the more rational part of me wants to hold out, see him a couple of times to find out how we interact in person, and then go from there. I don't want to hurt him by vanishing without a trace or an explanation, either. What do you think I should do?
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male
reader, TimmD +, writes (8 June 2010):
 Glad to hear it. What you did is very mature and I commend you for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay, thank you all SO MUCH for the answers. I've followed your advice and cut contact with him (deleted my Myspace account). I think I'll be better off this way. I'd been considering doing this for a while and your answers were what helped me make the final decision. :D
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): I think it's quite obvious that men who are in their 40's and are talking to multiple of other girls are looking for something, not someone. I would say RUN for your life and don't turn back. I have heard that men in their 40s could "fall in love" but I doubt they would ever marry young girls who are 18 and under. Like everyone else is saying, stay away from him.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (7 June 2010):
He's a perv. Stay away from him. Normal 45 year old men aren't looking to have 18 year old girls as friends. Also, it isn't really normal for 45 year old men to want to try to hook up with 18 year old girls sexually.
This is definitely a situation you should stay away from. He's trying to manipulate you and he is quite honestly preying on you.
Stay away.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (7 June 2010):
Also, seeing as I've just seen your followup, I'd suggest that this man is in no way all he seems. I'm 100% certain he's out to use you and nothing more. I'm not sure how well you know him, but he strikes me as a man who could be married, and is certainly speaking to other women in the hope perhaps of using a lot of them. I think you're walking into a mess with this guy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 June 2010):
He's after the sex, and that's it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am 17, turning 18 in a few months. He is 45. He does seem to be a decent guy (steady job, strong family connections) and he has said that it's my choice whether or not to meet him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): RUN, don't walk from this pedophile!!! While men like young, younger and VERY young because time has not been able to insult their bodies, the deeper motivations can be frightening!! Old guys, of which I am one, who look for children, not offense, but you are, can not deal with an adult, well adjusted female their own age. Rather they look for a child who is knowingly or unknowingly looking for Daddy. She feels safe, secure, he is her knight in shining armor!!! What will happen about 11 micro seconds after you commit to him is he will turn into a sick, power crazed piece of crap. You can expect to be abused, hit, punched, semi or really raped, humiliated and degraded. All this is because he is Sooo insecure at some point he is even threatened by a childs(you) self esteem and abilities.
So let's see what COULD happen. This is ALL about sex, 100% soon he will want to trade you, force you to have sex with other men while he watches. He may put you on the block (prosituting) you, all the time controling you, and telling you how lucky some ugly, stupid, worthless POS you are.
Ever hear of "The Long Island Lolita"? Amy Fisher was 15 or 16 when this forty something auto shop owner began to use her. Finally, when she was to old I guess, he blew her off, this after telling her how he loved her, how wonderful she was, how he wanted to marry her as soon as she was 18,etc. All to get in her pants and mouth. SHE went nuts, she went to his house and SHOT HIS WIFE!!!! When arrested he deserted her completely!!! He just threw her under the bus. He talked about what a little slut she was coming into his shop exposing her breasts and groin. He NEVER touched her he said, and he always knew she was a problem. She went to jail for attempted murder!! I forget the sentence, but she went to the big house, and you should hear about that experience.
So in the end, look for someone a couple of years of your own age. Someone who has grown up in the same world, the same community, perhaps the same schools who you trust when it comes to morality. The same race will save you a great deal of heart ache also. Remember we men love to have sex with girls, and who cares how loose, but they do NOT marry them, not if they know her reputation.
It's true a man wants a slut in the bedroom, and a lady in the living room. Learn to be a lady first, the rest will come with love, and the desire to please your husband.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (7 June 2010):
May I ask how old this older guy is? And how old you are. I see it says 16-17 but I just want to clarify. The main reason I ask is because he age will give us insight into his behavior. My answer for a guy who is 19,20 is going to be much different than if this guy is 30 or older.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 June 2010):
 If he's your age, all of that flirting and stuff is to stroke his ego. He may in fact not be serious, but he likes the attention and is feeding off of it. If you two aren't a couple, it's possible that you are one of his interests. It's up to you to decide whether you will allow that in your life.
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