A
female
age
36-40,
*ula
writes:I invited two friends over...I am of a mixed background, roots-wise, one of them who doesn't know the people of my country, told me though cautiously gentle polite inonation and all whether that my people had darker skin than I do..I am not dark but she assumed that me people are "dark" --whatever dark means to her. Do you think it's a faux pas to mention colour of skin when you're invited to their place,,,Am I being over-sensitive or is it really offensive? Man has set foot on the moon and perhaps other planets, and people are still trying to box you according to colour, race, bank account on Earth?! How silly is that?! Please tell me if you would be offended by this remark.stupid question and how would you have handled it...I wanted to tell her the aforementioned but was gutted when I heard her ask that, THAT I didn't even try. Peace 3 Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2013): I agree with other posters here- that it was innocent curiousity. Why would you be 'offended' that they are interested to learn? And why would you think it an insult to ask about your decent?
I am concerned that YOU may be inadvertantly assuming the worst of your own culture if you are 'offended' just because a friend cares enough to ask you about yourself in a positve manner.
I also think there is a fair chance that your friends were interested enough to ask when they came over to visit to PREVENT them from making any bigger faux pas in a more public setting in the future.
Enlightenment, equality, respect... it is all about understanding each other- why would you be so offended when they tried to learn?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2013): I had a friend ( don't see her much, she emails she moved with her hubby) come in an out my home for long time and I never thought of her skin colour .. So one night she showing me pics and she goes isn't my father mental and she points out this man who is indeed dark skinned and I'm a lil taken aback and she laughs her head of .. So she says you never guessed and I goes ' nope never thought of it really' and she adds what about her skin colour I replies just thought you had a lovely tan.. She says what about my dark curly hair ., I said just thought you really lucky which made her 'hee' more .. I can see where your coming from but I would give your friend the benefit of the doubt .. I don't get caught up in skin colour unless the person wants to talk about it and their heritage .. To me a person is their nature, views and behaviour all else is irrelevant .. Our skin is just what we travel in, it's just a facet of us.. It's how we are, how we treat people, how we love, learn and grow that make us . Sometimes people just put things wrongly they don't mean it etc .. So don't brood over it .. Take care x
...............................
A
female
reader, Tula +, writes (14 November 2013):
Tula is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks, but she mentioned that I look practically European using these very words for someone from X country..like your people are dark
but come on I was born in Eire to XX parents, who are white there...maybe not European white, but caucasian...anyhow, you're probably right, what matters is to be happy in one's own skin
Peace to all and thanks again X
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 November 2013):
 I'm also in the "just curious" camp here.
I think it's a way to make conversation and get to know you better.
I am of Eastern European Decent. I'm what I would consider "medium white" I have one son who is lighter toned than I am. his brother is so dark complected that he looks of mixed race. THEY HAVE THE SAME FATHER. It's about genetics. And as such I find it fascinating.
I don't think the question was racist or intended to hurt. It may not have been the most PC thing to do but I am thinking that as a friend they felt COMFORTABLE enough that they could ask.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2013):
 I will add that I think it was curiosity as well. IF she had wanted to outright offend you, I think she would have gone a different way.
The fact that you DID get offended shows that the society still haven't changed as much as we all want. Because the first thing you assumed, what that she thought bad about your ancestry or your skin color.
Growing up in Europe you see a LOT of combinations of heritage. And I DO think a lot of the people who have these "mixed" background are regarded more as exotic, rather then something negative.
If you ever have doubts what they exactly mean then ask them to elaborate. That will show them that you are an open-minded person and I bet you, you will they are too.
It's not like YOU (or your friend) can change the tone of your skin (or genetic heritage) so LIVE in your skin and be proud of where you came from regardless of what ANYONE might think.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (14 November 2013):
I agree, sounds like she was just curious. Nothing to get offended about.
...............................
A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (14 November 2013):
 I think what CMMP mentioned is true. It's just curiosity, and I think it's an opportunity to educate her about your roots. I live in a very multi-cultural city, where you can hear at least five different languages being spoken at the same time on public transit, and there are people of all different races and countries sitting and mingling with each other. Curiosity and Education is part of our daily exchange. This process allows us to open our minds and become aware of the differences and more so the similarities between cultures. So when questions are asked about your roots, be proud of your ancestry and use these questions as a platform to inform and educate people. It will also prompt you to research your history and increase your awareness and pride about it. I've found the experience to be quite uplifting not only to the listener, but to myself. I also find that it is like a domino effect. When you educate your friend, she will educate others using the information you gave to her, if a similar type question comes up in another conversation with other folks.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (14 November 2013):
 i would not be offended whatsoever by skin color questions or comments. unless it was used in a racist/derogatory way, what's the big deal? it seems like it was legitimate curiousity and interest in your background.
we try to avoid talking about race because we are afraid to. why? what's the big deal? it's a part of who we are. it's our ethnicity. what's the big deal? we should be proud to share who we are and what are heritage/race is. also, i think that being afraid to talk about race is what makes people take even more notice of it. since it's "taboo" to talk about, and hush hush, it draws more attention to differences.
this is just my opinion. but i'm a very open book.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2013): I wonder why should having "dark-skin," or being related to dark-skin; be a sore subject with you?What are you implying about dark-skin? Do you consider that an inferior or unattractive trait?First get your own feelings about dark-skin in the proper perspective.I am bi-racial. I do take into consideration the intentions and/or in what context they are referring to skin color; before taking offense. Just talking about it isn't offensive.Strangers often try to guess my nationality. They think it's more politically correct, or polite, than asking. They're basing their guesses on my features. They're usually wrong. I could pass for different races, or another nationality. I'm proud all the same. I don't mind being asked; if they're polite about it. The attention is flattering.My friends know me and who I am. So if we speak of skin color; it would usually be on friendly terms. Like my skin-tone looks good in yellow or red; or they envy my complexion.Friends shouldn't intentionally insult you. They should be sensitive and highly aware of your feelings. I suspect you don't want to be mistaken for a darker-race?If people are being blatantly bigoted; that's a different story. Under such circumstances; I will let them know immediately how offended I am by publicizing their racial prejudice. In most cases I just dismiss it for ignorance, and don't give them the benefit of my concern. Sooner or later; they'll cross the wrong person. Not my problem. You may have very exotic features, and your friend is only curious. Take that as a compliment.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2013): To be honest if it was my frend I wouldn't mind, it depends on how close you are to them. If they were saying anything completely out of order I'd have a go, but I suppose it depends on how sensitive you are about the issue... Sounds like they were just curious and wanted to know more about you and your roots.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 November 2013):
Well, I think it's a pointless question, but I wouldn't really be offended because racism has more to do with the feeling of superiority or inferiority than it does talking about skin color.
Maybe they like your skin tone and are simply curious? I always tell my wife that there are many reasons to get offended in life so it's best to choose wisely or you'll always be offended.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2013): I think it has to do with intent. It was probably just nosiness/curiosity that she asked. When people ask my ethnicity I really don't mind - I'll tell them my ancestors are German, Irish, French, Scottish, Iroquois and Dutch. I don't think people mean it in a judging way, maybe they're curious about family customs or they want to know more about the person's culture (if there is a difference). I went to HS and college with people who were from other countries and I thought it was neat to learn about Norway or Brazil or what-have-you. i see it as having friends from a different religion - an opportunity to learn something. Sometimes I look at people and think, "Man he/she is pretty. I wonder what their ancenstory is?" I wouldn't ask a stranger, but I'd get to know someonen first. Usually, they'll tell me themselves anyway. Of course, if that person said something like, "Wow, you're really smart/athletic/assertive for someone who's ancestory is _____", then that would be a racist comment. Just my opinion.
...............................
|
