A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend on friday because i thought i couldnt trust her and i was fed up of feeling confused etc. Throught the week about things between us.However after reflecting after a few days i spoke to her on saturday about it and she said shed like to sort her life out before she gets another bouyfriend. And we spoke on sunday and see each other today at college and after a few days apart i feel like i can trust her and the main problem was me overthinking things and id like to talk to her about it and for me id like us to get back together, however we have spoke well since and i dont want to ruin it if she says no and has a go at me How do i bring it up in conversation and even with that what do i say?
View related questions:
broke up, get back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 November 2013):
 what changed in the few days between the break up and the wanting her back that you went from NOT trusting to trusting?
if you want to talk to her about it then CALL HER and say
"I was stupid. I was wrong. I'd like to talk to you about this in person when can we get together?"
her response will tell you whether or not you have a shot.
the willingness to TALK to you means she MAY hear what you have to say... but you better be able to articulate why you felt the way you did and what CHANGED so that you no longer feel that way. You also need to be able to tell her how you plan to deal with the stupidity of your brain the next time it rears it's ugly head as well. NOT having a plan for the future (because if you didn't trust her before due to "overthinking" then it will happen again) is a recipe for disaster and further failure.
if she says "we have nothing to talk about" then it's best to let it go and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2013): You are feeling remorseful once you realize your former girlfriend has the strength to let you go, and not put up with your insecurity. She doesn't seem to want to, nor does she have to. If she did anything you couldn't forgive her for, she has given up in frustration. Now let her be.As an after-thought, you're willing to promise her anything. Now that you realize she's had enough; and you can't control things. This is pretty typical of people with trust issues. All the reassurances in the world aren't enough.She has given you the freedom to move on, not worry about trusting her anymore. Why did it take a breakup to make you change? If you've decided you can trust her in just a few days; it means you could have done so all along.She has even gone as far as to say she doesn't want a boyfriend. You must have really done a number on her.You're not going to convince her you've changed over a few days. In fact; she'd be quite foolish to believe you.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 November 2013):
 If you had good reasons to doubt her then maybe she realizes her part in your trust issues. Some examples would be good. Was she a party person or was she still in love wih her ex? If it's just because you are a paranoid person then making up is going to add another problem. She is not going to trust that you won't break up with her again. It is hurtful and being with you again means putting herself in a position to get hurt again. You have to be able to show her that you can think with a clear head without breaking up.
It's going to be hard for her to believe that you can trust er now, but only after a break up. I would wait until the painful feelings are gone then start fresh. When you wait you run the risk of her finding someone else but that's what you get when you break up.
She needs to see you becoming a trusting person. Not every girl do breaks and then act like the past didn't happen. Your chances depend on what really happened that led to your decision to break up.
...............................
|
