A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know this has been asked....How can a guy open doors for you, pay for drinks, stare longingly into your eyes, drive you around, hug you and not think you about when masturbating? It hurts thinking about it. Is it because I'm not sexually attractive enough? He looked at me like no one else has yet he didn't use my sexuality much and seemed to push it to the side. Everything else was fine apart from that. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 it's not because you are not sexually attractive... it's because NO ONE eats the same thing every day over and over...
variety is the spice of life... if a man won't cheat then the only way to have a little something something on the side is with his own brain and hand...
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): "How can a guy open doors for you, pay for drinks, stare longingly into your eyes, drive you around, hug you and not think you about when masturbating?"
Because all these things are just things we do because women demand them, they're actually meaningless gestures. If I hold this door open she'll think I'm great. If I buy her drinks her legs will be easier to open. Better maintain eye contact, bitches love eye contact.
Masturbation means nothing OP, you might aswell be worried that he doesn't think about you when he's wiping his arse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): Bit short on info: do you mean he thinks of other people? And if so, is that really all that bad? Men are total horndogs, for the most part. (And thank god for that!) Or is he just not especially sexual? You would need to give us more detail x
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (8 December 2013):
 OP, it's a good thing when a guy doesn't "use your sexuality much" and treats you like another human being rather than a blow up doll. Ok it's nice to be told that you're attractive, but if a guy tells you how hot you are and that he can't stop touching himself when he thinks of you - well that would be sleazy and suggest he only wants you for one thing! Maybe he's a nice guy who finds all that a bit dirty and disrespectful? Maybe he's shy? And unless he told you "I never think about you while playing with myself" I don't know why you make that assumption?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 December 2013):
 We're missing a lot of info here.
1. Who is he to you? A boyfriend? FWB? One night stand?
2. How long have you been together?
3. Is this first time sex with him, or have you been sexual for awhile with him?
4. How did the conversation go from "he didn't talk about the sex we had" to masturbation?
5. How do you know what he's thinking?
6. Do you have kids together?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 December 2013):
 You said HE never talked about the sex you had, well WHY didn't you bring it up?
It's not a guys job to critique you or bring up subject that may or may not be hard to talk about. IF it's something YOU want to talk about, then START the conversation.
Maybe he didn't bring it up because he was happy with the sex?
As for complimenting you. Well do you COMPLIMENT him?
If you want someone to do something to you or for you, then TRY and do EXACTLY that to/for them and see what happens.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 December 2013):
 Why don't you ask him how he likes the sex and what he likes to try? Is talking about sex that difficult?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): Wow! This is the most unusual insecurity ever! You must know of his porn collection. Is the real question: Do I turn my boyfriend on like a porn actress with a fake name and boobs, exaggerated makeup, and a gigantic booty? Without all those phony enhancements, it's not likely he would visualize you in the same way. You're his lady. His attraction for you is in the more respectable range of sexual attraction. The animal attraction is still there; he says it when he looks into your eyes. He prefers his girlfriend to be classy. In fact, during a gaze; all sorts of nasty little thoughts about you could be running through his head.If you asked him; and he told you no, I think he was forced to chose an answer you wouldn't get pissed off about. Like, "do these jeans make my ass look fat?" The true answer is yes, but not the one you want. He'd run the risk of being accused of viewing you like some kind of tramp. There is no winning or losing here.It would make more sense to be happy about how a man treats you. Anything can pass through a person's mind. It's how they behave, where you place your focus. How is sex? If it's great? Why isn't that enough, without wondering about something that isn't tangible or concrete? Do you need evidence of smutty attraction? Do you find all the polite stuff too prudish? Do you think it's phony?Lady, what the heck are you talking about?Maybe a pervert would come right out and tell you to your face, that you make him masturbate. I think there are sexier ways to show attraction and effectively get the point across to your girlfriend/boyfriend. Maybe in intimate chit chat, he might playfully bring up the ways you turn him on. During sex-play, ask. Don't wilt the willy with veiled complaints and whining!You can always create food for thought! Nature gave you the gift as a woman.Get used to being treated like a lady, and with class. If he thinks about you and masturbates; that's his naughty little secret. Pretend that he does, you're likely to be 99% right that he has. Guys interchange visions of their girlfriends, boyfriends, and wives for the freaky ladies/guys in porn videos. If you want to do a little role-playing, see if he might be up for it. Don't freak out if he tells you he wouldn't. He cares for you in a totally different way from a screen image on a porn video. They are meant to be sexually objectified. The women's movement says you don't want men to treat you that way. Competing with video fantasy creatures is stupid, just to put it to you straight. It's almost impossible for you not to appear in a sexual fantasy. Just not necessarily as you might imagine. He creates them as they appeal to him. Getting too much into a guy's mind is a scary place. Sexually, it can be a chamber of horrors. We don't share the inner-most sanctions of sexual fantasy; because people are too quick to judge negatively.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): Well he nevet told me how attractive I was or talked about the sex we had. I honestly believe he didn't think about me at all and this was at the beginning.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 December 2013):
Did he TELL you that he doesn't think of you when he masturbate? OR are you guessing?
Because I DO think it's PERFECTLY normal not to think of your partner EVERY single time you masturbate. Some people NEVER use their partner as masturbation fodder, some do it all the time. It's a fantasy. It doesn't mean he is LESS attracted to you. Or like you less. Like CMMP said, fantasy is fantasy.
I do wonder what you mean by not used your sexuality much? Can you elaborate?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): How do you know that he DOESSN'T think about you whilst masturbating?
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 December 2013):
The only problem I see here is your insecurity. The guy is obviously way into you so why are you trying to find things to prove otherwise?
And please explain that last part.
To answer your question, it's likely that he's not only thinking of you. But so what? Fantasy is fantasy... Real life is what you should concern yourself with.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (8 December 2013):
Yeah, what does "not using your sexuality much and push it to the side" mean?
I think it's impractical for a guy to be thinking about you all the time when alone. I wonder about women, do they not think about others and that women are the only gender that's devoted? I don't think so. It's not about your attractiveness. We are hard wired to want variety so even if you won Miss Universe the other contestants are also beautiful and worth looking at.
Just hope that his chivalry lasts forever. It's the little things that matter more in the long term. If you have a question like this you don't get a specific answer but it's better than asking him because you may not want to hear something unpleasant if he chooses to be honest. Don't ask a question you are not prepared to hear the real answer to.
When I masturbate for some reason I don't like imagining a person I know. I don't do it now but before I watched porn. Sometimes it's a fantasy and I invent some characters and faces. Yes a person can be a porn watcher and be sweet at the same time as long as there is no addiction that it hinders daily interactions.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 December 2013):
 I am confused what you are asking. What did he say exactly that is bothering you? Some guys don't think about their girlfriends when they masturbate because they think it's disrespectful.
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