A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 43 year old female who had the great fortune of meeting the love of my life 2.5 years ago. We've both been around the block many times, and we're perfect for each other. Lots of sexual experience on both our parts.He's not very...how shall we say it- computer savvy? He sucks at hiding his porn history, sometimes to the point of not realizing that while he's closed one tab, there are still 4 others open at the bottom, LOL.I knew that he'd had prior experiences with other men, which he's been pretty reluctant to discuss. NBD. We love each other and I understand there's a certain amount of shame that goes along with men who identify as straight, when it comes to sexual experiences with other men. Probably half the porn that I come across on the computer is gay or bi (MMF) porn. Us being the sexually adventurous duo we are, I'd love to coax him into having a MMF threesome. In fact, been fantasizing about it quite a bit lately. I'd love to "share" him with another hot guy, and to watch them together. No, I wouldn't think he's less of a man, no, I wouldn't feel threatened or jealous.Problem is, gently nudging him in this direction is a VERY long and tricky process. I know I need to approach it with kid gloves. He's been getting a little more open about his past experiences, and he knows I'm aware that he likes gay porn on occasion and that I'm cool with it. I've approached the subject of the MMF once or twice, to which he's said he isn't sure that he could do that, "because I love you". Yes, yes, dear, I love you too, now let's have some fun, is my perspective.I genuinely do believe he could eventually warm to the idea, but I'm not sure how to proceed without being pushy. I want him to be able to be who he is, and not feel pressured. We need to keep this awesome trust thing going that we've so luckily found later in life.Any ideas?Oh, if it matters, we HAVE done the MFF threesome before, once. It turned out just fine and we all had fun.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): It is easy ... ask him if he would that for you. Or, when you are giving him oral sex, mention to him that you would love to see him doing the same with a guy. Some men don't want to admit to it despite the fact that they like it and practice it. I know that I would never tell my wife especially if she is critical or simply for fear that she might tell others.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 December 2013):
 Some men like to LOOK at Male on Male porn but would NEVER want to participate in an act with another male. Perhaps that's part of his issue.
He may be fine with FMF threesomes but not MFM threesomes, even if he just watches you and the other guy.
In addition, Cerberus is right, many men wrongly think that girl on girl play is NOT cheating but heterosexual play is cheating. It's a double standard but it's a fact.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (9 December 2013):
 I think if he's uncomfortable you gotta just let it go. I don't know if shame or something else, but he knows you want it and he's not in it 100%. That means you need to let it go. A threesome is a very very tricky situation to navigate as is and if both people are not completely on board, then it's going to end badly. I know it's a huge fantasy of yours, but sometimes fantasies have to stay fantasies.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): "I'm thinking about just finding a willing guy who has worked thru this himself, and inviting him over for drinks."
You want to ambush him?
OP what's the hurry? He's not completely comfortable with something and you're trying to push him into it. Relax and let him get comfortable with the idea in his own time.
Stop working on assumption and just be patient.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): OP I've done MFF and I've experimented with men, and found it fun even if I've no interest in them.
It's a very different prospect. There is something less cheaty about the woman you love getting off with another woman than having a guy shove his penis in her.
Now you're talking about letting him be the sole focus of the guy when you know almost nothing about his experiences.
You need to know all that stuff before you approach him about this again. Take your time, you have the rest of your lives to try this out. Because there could be something about being with men that has made a guy who you said is sexually adventurous reluctant to even talk about it.
OP you're assuming shame factor, but find out first.
If my wife suggested MMF I'd say no, outright. It would be like watching her cheat in front of me, I also would not touch another woman in front of her. That's just us, but my point is it's very different and you need to make sure it's not going to cause a problem for you.
Maybe he's more into guys and he's suppressing that, maybe he prefers the fantasy to the reality.
Look how do you expect to get him to engage in something he doesn't even feel he can completely open about?
First things first OP. When he's at the stage where he can talk freely about men in that way and you feel comfortable knowing all the facts then you have a better chance.
Being sexually adventurous is great OP, but sex can illicit potent and unpredictable emotions too, take a peak inside before you open that box.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): OK- OP here. I'm trying to answer a bunch of responses at once, so if I've missed a clarifying question, please let me know.Yes, I have told him my fantasy. Yes, he knows it involves guy on guy action. He is the least jealous person I have ever met, I am more jealous than him by far, which isn't much, so it isn't an issue with "sharing" ME with another man.No, it isn't a "get even" thing, I found the MFF hot, and I find the MMF hot. I really, really am turned on by the idea of watching him with another man. It is HOT.Start by watching others have sex? I'm not really interested in that, firstly, and secondly, 99% of couples that want to swap want only the women to swap. HARD to find a couple that wants to see guy on guy action. Like I said, I do know him very well, and as such I know he is not averse to the same sex scenario. What he DOES have a problem with is what I suspect many bi men do- being open about it with their opposite sex spouse.I'm thinking about just finding a willing guy who has worked thru this himself, and inviting him over for drinks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): Let's be clear: if I understand you right, the MMF 3-way you have in mind isn't the standard porn-scenario of two guys taking turns on the girl, what you have in mind is picking up some hot stud and letting him do both you and your bf?
It's perfectly possible IF your bf actually wants to. You need to ask him this openly. however. From what you've said, his gay tendencies are not in doubt, and you're enlightened enough to be cool about it. But you worry that he'll be too ashamed, nervous, or whatever to physically go through with it.
Why not introduce the idea to him while he's watching his MMF porn? You know, make approving remarks about how hot the guy is, and wouldn't he love to do what she's doing and wouldn't it be fun if you tried it? He's probably more likely to be honest with you under those circumstances. And, IF he approves, you'll get an absolutely wonderful night (or nights) out of it.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 December 2013):
 I wonder where you found that girl to have MFF with. The way I would do it is to start with watching other people have sex. Later two couples having sex in the same room, then later you swap. Having a foursome then threesome is an easier transition. You don't have to go to sleazy bathhouses. In every big city I am sure there are groups that are into this. There is usually a leader that talks about rules and regulations and you have to be a reputable, clean member to sign up. If he can build rapport with someone he might warm up to it. That's all you can do. You can't talk people into doing stuff they feel would threaten the relationship. If he won't do it then, despite what you think about your common interests, there is an incompatibility that he feels a fantasy is just a fantasy when you want to turn your fantasy into real life. Maybe you are bisexual and when you did the MFF you didn't feel you were doing him a favour and needed MMF to feel even. I would say that MMF is different because men are generally more possessive and territorial than women. He might also fear himself catching feelings with another guy, if he's emotionally attracted to guys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): I don't really have experience to give good advice, but from his prior response "because I love you" it sounds like he thinks this MMF will be two guys sharing YOU. Not all MMF situations are bisexual, does he know you are implying a bisexual encounter rather than the two guys sharing the girl type?
Or are you... I think you should be clear on that, and if it's two guys sharing the girl, be understanding if he says No because he loves you. Not everyone can separate love and sex like that when it comes to the person they love sleeping with another guy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013):
Confused I am ... Though doesn't take much to confuse me nowadays with my brain been zapped by lil ones.. Haha
Your foot note : if you have done a MMF before and it was fun etc together ?? Then there should be no hesitation in you asking for another ..
Now if you meant separately with diff partners, then tje problem may be he wouldn't want to share YOU the women he loves with another man .. I mean reading between the lines, this is more what you want then what he does ..
I mean watching porn and fantasing is quite normal .. I mean I quite like the idea of being ravished by another female ( Angelina Jolie Mmm) but I have actually been hot on by pretty feminine girls and have flatly refused because I just couldn't .
Just because he has been bisexual before doesn't mean he wants to be now .. Why push him or coax him ???
Ask him straight out would he consider one, tell him honestly you want one .. Then wait in his reaction and answer .
Ifs it's a NO then be content with what you have a leave it alone ..
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): Simply, tell him your sexual fantasy. "Honey, I was thinking. We had fun when we experimented and had a MFF threesome. I think it would be equally as fun to try a MMF threesome. What do you think about that?" There's really no beating around the bush with this desire.
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