A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was recently in a gas station on the way to work, quickly getting a drink, it was 12pm and I was in my work uniform.I dont often go to this station but it is close to where i live.The woman behind the counter (40-48) approximatelyI have seen a few times over past few yrs, she always seems a little inappropriate bordering on rude, she will ask odd questions to people and make odd comments at times, plus stare. Im sure she does her job but shes often innappropriate.when i was at the counter she stared at me as though I was a freak and said"how was yr night shift?"hello it was 12pm!I said that i was on my way to work and she stared and said"really? you look so pale and tired"i ignored her and got my change, she then kept staring and told me"i look so tired and sick Id better watch out"its not her place to comment on customers appearance,yes I am pale, we are not all tanned..!I wanted to tell her she was inappropriate or that my life is my business but chose to ignore her.was just wondering was she rude?I could have told her she had a big nose..but am too polite to be that rude!what to say to rude salespeople?and no I dont go there daily, as said.. but but I do go sometimes and she is always a bit odd. thankyou Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): Some people are odd. I'm sure you do things that other people would think are odd. She just happens to interact with strangers in a way you find odd.I really doubt she was trying to be mean or insult you, like you would be doing if you told her she had a big nose. That would certainly be rude, yes.She probably genuinely thought you were just getting off work, was trying to make small talk, and was caught off guard when you told her you weren't getting off work. It's also possible that you were particularly pale and tired looking that morning. I've been told I look like absolutrly crap upon arriving at work multiple times. Granted, it might be different coming from coworkers you know as opposed to strangers you don't, but I think you get my point.Honestly, I'd say just let it go. It makes for a good story to tell your friends and have a laugh. I'd get a kick out of it, personally.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 January 2014):
 Doesn't sound like she's trying to be rude in purpose. She's just one of those people with no filter or social skills. Try to shake it off, as it was rude. But not intentionally hurtful.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 January 2014):
 Ciar said "I wouldn't make a big scene either way. A quick sharp rebuke should be sufficient. The woman doesn't strike me as the brightest bulb in the box. You seldom go there anyway so chances are you won't have to deal with her again. "
ya know when someone in an unskilled service industry position says or does something that bugs me I just say to myself "that's why they work at [insert location they work at such as "a gas station" or "walmart" or whatever)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 January 2014):
 I agree with the others that she was probably just making a bit of awkward yet friendly small talk. But I want to add some advice from personal experience -
She might have done you a favor.
The last time someone told me I looked pale and tired was a week before my kidneys failed and I had to take an ambulance ride to the hospital to be placed on dialysis.
My father was told that for a year before he finally went into the doctor. He was pale and tired - he had leukemia. I buried him last August.
If you haven't stayed up on your doctor's physicals, you should consider her comments as a wake-up call to give some consideration to your health instead of taking offense, because she didn't put you down.
The doctor also told me that usually the most serious of ailments come on gradually with symptoms people tend to blow off, and it's less malignant stuff like kidney stones or indigestion that comes on like a freight train.
I'm not a fearmonger, but again, if you haven't been to the doctor in the past year for a complete physical, take this lady's comment as a good signal to do so without delay. It could save your life to catch something early on.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 I'm referring to her comment about you looking pale and tired, not the mistake about the night shift. The latter was harmless and I wouldn't think twice about it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (27 January 2014):
I think she was extremely rude, but not trying to be. I was wondering about Aspergers myself.
It's generally ill mannered to offer any unsolicited opinions about someone's appearance, even compliments because what WE might think is flattering could be very unflattering to someone else, it puts the spotlight on that person and in the case of a stranger or someone we don't know well, it implies a familiarity that does not exist. Of course, we don't complain when the compliment makes us feel good.
In this case, I might respond with something like 'Is that your professional opinion as a gas station attendant or just a rude personal observation?' Or with an deadpan/unimpressed look on my face I might say 'Thank you for your opinion'.
I wouldn't make a big scene either way. A quick sharp rebuke should be sufficient. The woman doesn't strike me as the brightest bulb in the box. You seldom go there anyway so chances are you won't have to deal with her again.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (27 January 2014):
 I agree with the other aunties, I think it was just small talk that went a bit wonky. She may have aspergers or some other similar social anxiety problem which mmakes things come out the wrong way. I am sure you are a big enough person to just ignore it...if not, try shopping somewhere else xx
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 January 2014):
I'm with Honeypie... she was not rude.. maybe she does not have good social boundaries and was trying to be friendly.
I think that the attendant (not really a saleswoman) was just trying to fill her day....
yes she made an assumption that you were on your way home... her bad for trying to be NICE and friendly.
you seem to think countering a concern with your health (you look pale and tired) with mentioning a physical trait that she really can't control is appropriate.... I don't see how saying "you look pale and tired" is comparable to "yeah well you have a big nose and are overweight"
or whatever.
perhaps this pushed your buttons so badly because it has a ring of truth to it and you are not happy with the fact that you look pale and tired?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 January 2014):
 I don't think she was trying to be rude, I think she was trying to make small talk - and neither of you seem very skilled in that.
You don't have to answer her questions, you can just buy your stuff and be on your way. None of it is her business, no need to spell it out.
Why make such a big deal out of what a gas station attendant is saying to you?
If someone told me I looked pale or sick - I'd probably be more snarky (that is more my personality) I would have said:" No shit Sherlock, it's winter and the middle of the night". Or yes, I rather be home in bed, but that is life.
*shrug* Maybe that is just me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2014): I don't think she's trying to be rude on purpose, it just sounds like she's making conversation (or trying to) and it's really just not coming across very well. I chat with customers all the time and while I wouldn't say something like that, I do get the vibe that some people think I'm being inappropriate too. That happens because Ic ome across too friendly and some people give me their numbers and get upset when I don't call them back. So I really think it's how she comes across, not her intentions
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