Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (4 February 2014):
 let her stay and help him see his way out.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 February 2014):
 If you haven't reached out for help from this site http://www.thehotline.org I would go ahead and do it. You are about to make a big decision, and you need to be safe.
From the small amount of information you gave about your marriage, it sounds as though you are long overdue for change.
Was he actually sober enough to even remember his threat?
Call the hotline number and get your ducks in a row! 1-800-799-7233
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (3 February 2014):
 Play it cool at start. This sort of guy can be very aggressive then sort of coward and duck. Yet, he can either become violent and I don't want him to hit you in any way. That's why I advice you to gather some solid proofs he is abusing with you, and the testimony of your friend will be a serious one I think. Then, report what is going on to your local police station in order to prevent any violence, it will be one more element for your file against him when you will plead for a divorce. Don't be a victim, anyone was born to be free after all. You're not a slave, not a punching ball and you want your peace and dignity back.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 February 2014):
 I vote for "he's gone".... since, by opting for THAT, you will solve TWO problems with ONE choice....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): Start looking for a place to share with your friend or ask her to stay while you kick him out and get a divorce.
He gave you a very simple choice if you ask me. A free-loading abusive drunk or a friend who will be going through the same thing and be a source of comfort and strength for you while you deal with getting rid of him.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 February 2014):
 Amen to ALL the SVC said.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2014): If you don't get him to leave this time, it will just happen again and again and again and it will get worse with each different issue and each different time. Honestly, I've been through similar myself.
You can go into all the ins and outs of why on earth you put up with him AFTER he's gone - you really do not need to understand beforehand exactly why you want him to leave and why you put up with it - the important thing is to get him to go - and believe me you will be able to see the picture far more clearly given some time and hindsight. Just get rid of him and ask your friend to stay to help you get over it, if you feel like you need her support and help.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 February 2014):
 I'd pack his bag and ask "where can I reach you in an emergency"
then let him leave and change the locks.
YOU pay the bills. he's an alcoholic freeloader.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 February 2014):
 Beg your friend to stay, at least until after tomorrow.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 February 2014):
 He's not working so that means HE needs YOU. He contributes nothing to the quality of your home or your lives so that means you can do without him. Why keep him around?
OP, the solution here is simple. Turf your husband out and let your friend stay. Set clear expectations with her and she can be your new room mate. You might need the police there to escort your husband out.
By forcing the issue he has done you a favour. This is a fantastic opportunity and I think you'd be wise to seize it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 February 2014):
I would suggest that your marriage is basically over. You're married to a drunk who is clearly very controlling. You need to make a decision as to whether you want to be married to a man who treats you this way.
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male
reader, Myau  +, writes (3 February 2014):
 call him on it.
I bet he backs down
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